U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 12-23-2015, 11:51 PM
 
11 posts, read 13,553 times
Reputation: 56

Advertisements

I am sure this is fairly common with young people today, but my daughter (mother sent her to me when she was 15) who is 22 thinks more menial jobs such as fast food is beneath her. She has had issues with authority and does not like doing what she doesn't want to do, even her mother got sick of it so she sent her to live with me at 15. We divorced when she was 10 and I still stayed in her life and did many things with her but by 15 my ex just couldn't handle her and sent her to me.

Anyway after many issues including her seeing a therapist she finally graduated HS at 19 and briefly went to CC but dropped out her first semester. From the outset it was bad I got her a cheap car which she complained about for "being a piece of junk" (it was a 2001 Nissan Sentra in good condition) and started partying and ignoring her studies and just dropped out. I told her she needs to find a job and she did apply at some retail places but that didn't pan out so I told her to apply at some fast food places but she just says she refuses to work fast food and doesn't want that kind of job.

I talked with her mother but she is married with two teens from it and she pretty much doesn't want anything to do with her.

What can I do, just threaten to kick her out? She'd be on the streets for sure. She has also gotten a few speeding tickets and instead of owning up to it she just goes on about how the police or stupid and just want their quotas.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-24-2015, 12:26 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,754,839 times
Reputation: 12592
How much of a backbone do you have and how much of an enabler do you want to be ?

Your daughter has been hanging around doing nothing for a couple of years and you've permitted it. Who is paying her car insurance, her gas, her cell phone ? Who is buying her clothes, food, giving her spending money ?

She's doing nothing because she doesn't have to do anything. How long do you want this to continue?

I would sit her down and explain to her that she has three months to find a job. If she finds a job she can stay home but you will charge her rent. She will be responsible monetarily for her own car and personal expenses.

If she doesn't have a job, then she leaves at the end of three months. She has established legal tenancy probably, but you're giving her plenty of notice to end it. Yes, you put her out. She won't be on the streets, she can go to a shelter.

Sometimes the only way to get through to a kid is to show them the real world. Your daughter is totally non productive but feels entitled. You've helped to create that situation, now is the time to end it . Good luck - be strong
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 01:16 AM
 
11 posts, read 13,553 times
Reputation: 56
I know you are right, I do make her do chores and help around the house, even though she does complain. I have had her mow, do yard work, as well as some home improvement projects. As for sending her to a shelter from what I've heard they are usually always booked and far from the safest places to go and women can get attacked/raped close to them. Even then you can't stay forever, what if she goes for a bit but ends up out in the streets?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 01:19 AM
 
11 posts, read 13,553 times
Reputation: 56
I know it's hard for young people to find jobs today but it amazes me how so many feel they are above menial jobs. I know I am going to sound old but back in my day just sitting around not doing anything was unheard of, as well as feeling they "deserve" whatever job they want. I know it's not all young people but damn it sure seems today's youth are the laziest and most entitled.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 04:29 AM
 
3,614 posts, read 2,692,116 times
Reputation: 4985
Sounds like your 22 year old daughter needs to move out and figure out how to pay her own bills. I refused to work at fast food restaurants too, but I found other jobs while I was in college--retail. Sorry, I just don't get parents that complain about kids not working or growing up and acting like adults, yet, let them live at home for free. It's always been a unwritten rule at our house that if you are not in school or working full time, you get to be the adult you want to be and live on your own. So far we have not had to test that rule but I think growing up knowing what was expected of them makes a difference.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 04:59 AM
 
4,586 posts, read 4,410,382 times
Reputation: 4333
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonInKansas View Post
I am sure this is fairly common with young people today, but my daughter (mother sent her to me when she was 15) who is 22 thinks more menial jobs such as fast food is beneath her. She has had issues with authority and does not like doing what she doesn't want to do, even her mother got sick of it so she sent her to live with me at 15. We divorced when she was 10 and I still stayed in her life and did many things with her but by 15 my ex just couldn't handle her and sent her to me.

Anyway after many issues including her seeing a therapist she finally graduated HS at 19 and briefly went to CC but dropped out her first semester. From the outset it was bad I got her a cheap car which she complained about for "being a piece of junk" (it was a 2001 Nissan Sentra in good condition) and started partying and ignoring her studies and just dropped out. I told her she needs to find a job and she did apply at some retail places but that didn't pan out so I told her to apply at some fast food places but she just says she refuses to work fast food and doesn't want that kind of job.

I talked with her mother but she is married with two teens from it and she pretty much doesn't want anything to do with her.

What can I do, just threaten to kick her out? She'd be on the streets for sure. She has also gotten a few speeding tickets and instead of owning up to it she just goes on about how the police or stupid and just want their quotas.
Thank the prissy American society who mocks these jobs non stop for that.

Technically a job is a job, but media and other "idiots" have made it so that most look at these jobs as being menial instead of them being just a job like any other. I can't work in fast food because I can't be that faced paced physically, so I really admire these people who can do that.

I would take her privileges away, and send her to boot camp. End of story.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 05:08 AM
 
6,121 posts, read 3,318,365 times
Reputation: 13007
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonInKansas View Post
I know it's hard for young people to find jobs today but it amazes me how so many feel they are above menial jobs. I know I am going to sound old but back in my day just sitting around not doing anything was unheard of, as well as feeling they "deserve" whatever job they want. I know it's not all young people but damn it sure seems today's youth are the laziest and most entitled.
No it wasn't, not for most people but some parents allowed it then just as you are allowing it, even encouraging it, by funding her current lifestyle.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 05:25 AM
 
Location: Jamestown, NY
7,841 posts, read 6,919,156 times
Reputation: 13779
Quote:
Originally Posted by Qwerty View Post
Sounds like your 22 year old daughter needs to move out and figure out how to pay her own bills. I refused to work at fast food restaurants too, but I found other jobs while I was in college--retail. Sorry, I just don't get parents that complain about kids not working or growing up and acting like adults, yet, let them live at home for free. It's always been a unwritten rule at our house that if you are not in school or working full time, you get to be the adult you want to be and live on your own. So far we have not had to test that rule but I think growing up knowing what was expected of them makes a difference.
Exactly this. Children live up to expectations. If they're expected to graduate from HS, they will, even if they have developmental disabilities and have to get a modified diploma. If parents think graduating from HS is optional, then their kids aren't likely to get even that far. This used to be primarily a problem with lower socio-economic groups, but many middle class families now don't expect much from their kids, either -- and they're getting that.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 05:30 AM
 
Location: Jamestown, NY
7,841 posts, read 6,919,156 times
Reputation: 13779
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhotoProIP View Post
Thank the prissy American society who mocks these jobs non stop for that.

Technically a job is a job, but media and other "idiots" have made it so that most look at these jobs as being menial instead of them being just a job like any other. I can't work in fast food because I can't be that faced paced physically, so I really admire these people who can do that.

I would take her privileges away, and send her to boot camp. End of story.
Nonsense. Low end food service jobs have always been considered menial, requiring no particularly marketable skills, and they pay accordingly. Back before there was fast food, there were waitresses and cooks in greasy spoons.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 06:05 AM
 
1,213 posts, read 1,351,456 times
Reputation: 1563
Actually, the job market is so good at the moment, there are tons of options. Could easily get more than one job. Usually can leverage up to a better job once working. So, working fast food may be a just a short term solution and entry into the job market. She then could keep looking for a better job.

She needs a jump start, though, and I think you need to pay her deposit and first month's rent for an apartment. She will need roommates to share the cost. This will put the responsibility of living in her hands and she can find a guy friend to help her along. Once she is established, working and paying her own rent, she might wake up and decide that she wants to take some college classes. Could be that she is just slow to mature to that level. You would then support her on that.

Things may come into a better perspective after a year. You would still be a safety net from a distance for a period of time. Make sure she knows you will buy her some groceries. You then start calling her and asking her for help with things. You would ask, "I really need help with X project this weekend." "Can you come by and help me move the X." She will think, "Can't he do anything on his own?"
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top