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So my mother in law has always heavily preferred granddaughters over grandsons. When they were little, if they were misbehaving, she would 100% blame it on the boy. And my husband, when I pointed that out, he told me no matter how naughty his sister was (less then 2 years younger), he would get in trouble and she wouldn't. He actually learned to hide from his sister all the way until graduation and college, because no matter what, he would get into trouble.
So this is random. I appreciate gifts from the grandparents. They have 15 grandkids and are retired. But this Christmas my son got a book, it cost $5. The receipt came with it. It's a book several years beyond his reading level even though he reads a couple years ahead. (It's a high school book, he is in late elementary. Not even middle school. MIL was a teacher, she understands all that). My daughter got a toy. The receipt was for $40.
Does that seem odd to anyone? Or is it just me?
I assume I will be told off. But, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? My son doesn't notice yet. And I don't think they owe my kids gifts at all. But it is weird to spend $5 on one grand kid and $40 on another in the same family...no?
If you don't feel they owe the kids gifts in the first place, and they really don't, and they are giving gifts nevertheless, you sound ungrateful for their generosity. You should be happy they bought them gifts. It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder, and this really has nothing to do with presents at all.
So my mother in law has always heavily preferred granddaughters over grandsons. When they were little, if they were misbehaving, she would 100% blame it on the boy. And my husband, when I pointed that out, he told me no matter how naughty his sister was (less then 2 years younger), he would get in trouble and she wouldn't. He actually learned to hide from his sister all the way until graduation and college, because no matter what, he would get into trouble.
So this is random. I appreciate gifts from the grandparents. They have 15 grandkids and are retired. But this Christmas my son got a book, it cost $5. The receipt came with it. It's a book several years beyond his reading level even though he reads a couple years ahead. (It's a high school book, he is in late elementary. Not even middle school. MIL was a teacher, she understands all that). My daughter got a toy. The receipt was for $40.
Does that seem odd to anyone? Or is it just me?
I assume I will be told off. But, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? My son doesn't notice yet. And I don't think they owe my kids gifts at all. But it is weird to spend $5 on one grand kid and $40 on another in the same family...no?
Yes, I find it weird. It's good that he isn't old enough to notice yet, but what happens when he is old enough? I hate to cause a fuss, but talking to the family now (before your son is old enough to notice, and then be doing damage control then) might be for the best. Simply explain to her that you want the children to receive equal gifts.
FWIW, my ex-hb who makes well into six figures sent his only child, my son, one gift for Christmas. It cost $30. I totally get that it's not about gifts (of all people, *I* get that -- in fact, I much prefer gifts that involve doing something together over stuff). However, his father doesn't get that and is very materialistic. For him to spend only $30 on his son for Christmas when he spent over $300 on his own Halloween costume this year alone, goes on lavish vacations at the Ritz, etc, well, you see where this is going. When my son is old enough to wonder and ask, what on earth am I supposed to tell him? :\
At least in your case, you can hopefully reason with the grandparents now before the children are old enough to notice. Good luck.
If you don't feel they owe the kids gifts in the first place, and they really don't, and they are giving gifts nevertheless, you sound ungrateful for their generosity. You should be happy they bought them gifts. It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder, and this really has nothing to do with presents at all.
I disagree. Not expecting gifts is completely different than expecting your children to be treated equally. The grandparents can do two things: not give gifts (which the OP said was fine) OR give equal gifts. But to gift one child differently than the other sends all the wrong messages to both children. And, that, I imagine, is what concerns the OP. It would absolutely concern me. Do you have children? Do you have siblings? I'm sure if you put on your thinking cap you can relate.
The OP has said that they limit the amount of contact they have with this set of grandparents. They spend 36 hours total with them. That amount of time isn't worth saying anything. The grands don't put up pics of them in their house they aren't going to change their ways. It is what it is and really you have to accept it or not then deal with accordingly. Which the OP is...
The OP has said that they limit the amount of contact they have with this set of grandparents. They spend 36 hours total with them. That amount of time isn't worth saying anything. The grands don't put up pics of them in their house they aren't going to change their ways. It is what it is and really you have to accept it or not then deal with accordingly. Which the OP is...
In that case, simply tell them no gifts. If they can't gift equally, then done.
My inlaws are the same!! They completely favor my daughter over my son and it's so obvious. My son is 5 and he definitely notices the difference. They are always asking her to spend the night or spend the day over there. He asks all the time why he can't go over.
For Christmas, they got him 2 books. After unwrapping the first one, and throwing it aside, and was handed the second one, he said "this better not be another book", which is was. What was rude about it is that the books were used books made out to other people. My daughter got a very nice art set, canvases and other things. Along with the books, my son got a flash light.
I find it very rude, and my husband doesn't care and just shrugs. She gave them both these coloring things they picked out over a year ago, and when we got home, I put them on the area Facebook Swap page. My husband got a notice of a new item posted and asked if I really just did that, and I just smiled and said yes. He didn't object. He knows his mom is not fair with them, but won't say anything to her.
In that case, simply tell them no gifts. If they can't gift equally, then done.
I think I am just going to tell them they can skip gifts from now on. Wait a while and just say "hey, I know you guys are retired and you have to watch your funds. Why don't you just make a quick happy birthday video/merry Christmas video instead. I know they kids would love that even more then a gift". We don't see them a lot, so that would be special. And they could easily do it on their iPhones. Or even Skype.
The 36 hour visitation schedule works well for all of us. I kind of set it up that way and they seemed bothered at first (I also make them come visit us because a) they travel all the time and it's way easier for them to do it then us. B) my MIL is OCD and freaks out about the kids in the house c) insists we stay for at least 5 days d) like 17 other reasons that are too detailed. But now we all seem to be happy with it. I'm wondering if it will change with our move (we aren't a direct flight anymore) and them having moved into a retirement community. I hope not.
My inlaws are the same!! They completely favor my daughter over my son and it's so obvious. My son is 5 and he definitely notices the difference. They are always asking her to spend the night or spend the day over there. He asks all the time why he can't go over.
For Christmas, they got him 2 books. After unwrapping the first one, and throwing it aside, and was handed the second one, he said "this better not be another book", which is was. What was rude about it is that the books were used books made out to other people. My daughter got a very nice art set, canvases and other things. Along with the books, my son got a flash light.
I find it very rude, and my husband doesn't care and just shrugs. She gave them both these coloring things they picked out over a year ago, and when we got home, I put them on the area Facebook Swap page. My husband got a notice of a new item posted and asked if I really just did that, and I just smiled and said yes. He didn't object. He knows his mom is not fair with them, but won't say anything to her.
That really sucks! This is why distance is so nice. But my older boys did eventually notice that their grandmother did prefer the granddaughters over the grandsons. They seemed to shrug it off. But they are good at just accepting people are who they are and that they won't change.
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