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Old 12-27-2015, 01:53 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,884,390 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
So my mother in law has always heavily preferred granddaughters over grandsons. When they were little, if they were misbehaving, she would 100% blame it on the boy. And my husband, when I pointed that out, he told me no matter how naughty his sister was (less then 2 years younger), he would get in trouble and she wouldn't. He actually learned to hide from his sister all the way until graduation and college, because no matter what, he would get into trouble.

So this is random. I appreciate gifts from the grandparents. They have 15 grandkids and are retired. But this Christmas my son got a book, it cost $5. The receipt came with it. It's a book several years beyond his reading level even though he reads a couple years ahead. (It's a high school book, he is in late elementary. Not even middle school. MIL was a teacher, she understands all that). My daughter got a toy. The receipt was for $40.

Does that seem odd to anyone? Or is it just me?

I assume I will be told off. But, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? My son doesn't notice yet. And I don't think they owe my kids gifts at all. But it is weird to spend $5 on one grand kid and $40 on another in the same family...no?
Tell the Grandparents to choose equal gifts or no gifts and quit making Christmas about the gifts.
Take this opportunity to teach your children how to give graciously of their time and resources to make things a wee bit better for someone else.
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Old 12-27-2015, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,147 posts, read 22,139,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FalconheadWest View Post
For Christmas, they got him 2 books. After unwrapping the first one, and throwing it aside, and was handed the second one, he said "this better not be another book", which is was. What was rude about it is ...
One thing that was rude was your son's behavior!
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Old 12-27-2015, 01:59 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,509,210 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Tell the Grandparents to choose equal gifts or no gifts and quit making Christmas about the gifts.
Take this opportunity to teach your children how to give graciously of their time and resources to make things a wee bit better for someone else.
Well being that we aren't Christians but we celebrate Christmas, it's pretty much about giving and receiving gifts, food, family time, fun traditions, decorations, good smells, hoping for snow, sledding (if we get the snow), holiday music, daddy having time off work, winter break from school...etc..

Don't tell me how to celebrate holidays, thank you very much.

My kids are excellent at gift giving and very gracious at receiving. When my son got the book that he isn't ready to read yet, he read said oh what an interesting book. I think it's too hard for me. I'll save it until I am a teenager. How is that bad?
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Old 12-27-2015, 02:40 PM
 
10,416 posts, read 7,504,380 times
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Let me tell you what I did about an extreme of your situation. FIRST my .... mother did not think I should have a second child and, despite her "demands" that I get an abortion - yes - I had my 2nd awesome son anyway. It took about 4 years before she acknowledged I had 2 children. My oldest got cards, gifts, etc. My youngest: nothing. She eventually warmed to him when he was about 4 I was on the phone with her and he was pulling my arm asking who I was talking to and can he talk. She told me to put him on and, with his lifelong charm, he won her over.

BUT from the very beginning, my MIL was Grandma. My mother was "my mother". I never EVER referred to her as Grandma because I didn't want her to be in the position to hurt my boys. She could be very mean.

OP, I'd still set your MIL straight. It's not fair and mean and will hurt your son. You tell her to give you cash so you can put a wrapped gift under the tree for each from her. Or tell her not to wrap the gifts she picks so you can purchase something equal for your son. She's mean and you shouldn't let her get away with it. I think it's the worst thing anyone can do - treat one child better than the other.
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Old 12-27-2015, 03:21 PM
 
2,442 posts, read 1,801,339 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
No, I used the cost to show the difference between gifts. A $5 book is very different then a $40 toy. No?
Not really. Books are very cheap, and decent toys are relatively expensive.
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Old 12-27-2015, 03:26 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,509,210 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat View Post
Let me tell you what I did about an extreme of your situation. FIRST my .... mother did not think I should have a second child and, despite her "demands" that I get an abortion - yes - I had my 2nd awesome son anyway. It took about 4 years before she acknowledged I had 2 children. My oldest got cards, gifts, etc. My youngest: nothing. She eventually warmed to him when he was about 4 I was on the phone with her and he was pulling my arm asking who I was talking to and can he talk. She told me to put him on and, with his lifelong charm, he won her over.

BUT from the very beginning, my MIL was Grandma. My mother was "my mother". I never EVER referred to her as Grandma because I didn't want her to be in the position to hurt my boys. She could be very mean.

OP, I'd still set your MIL straight. It's not fair and mean and will hurt your son. You tell her to give you cash so you can put a wrapped gift under the tree for each from her. Or tell her not to wrap the gifts she picks so you can purchase something equal for your son. She's mean and you shouldn't let her get away with it. I think it's the worst thing anyone can do - treat one child better than the other.
Wow, thats harsh! If my mother did that, I just wouldn't acknowledge her presence on earth. I actually don't but for other reasons. I also refer to her as "my mother" and never as my kids grandmother...because she isn't.

I would call my MIL on it if I thought it would make any difference. I don't even think she knows she does it. I am sure she would justify it. When my kids were toddlers, my daughter would do something "naughty" and she would get upset with my son. I would say "Hey, MIL, my daughter did that, not my son" and she would pass me off as she was sure he provoked it or just flat ignore me.

My kids love my MIL and FIL...and that is good. I keep the peace, maintain our boundaries. It works out. But I think cutting off gift giving is the best course of action.
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Old 12-27-2015, 03:37 PM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Eventually, your kids will notice. I grew up knowing my grandmother preferred my cousin over me. I doesn't feel good, but I know it was her issue, not mine. Not related to favoritism or gift giving, there are "issues" with my MIL. I made a conscious decision not to shield my kids from her, but to let them figure her out on their own. They can't hold it against DH or I for not allowing a relationship. I figured it was better to let them see for themselves.

In your case, you could say something, but it probably won't change anything. The advice to suggest they just stop gifts all together might be best.
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Old 12-27-2015, 04:13 PM
 
12,932 posts, read 19,824,518 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
One thing that was rude was your son's behavior!
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who noticed that! The minute the first book was tossed aside, the gift opening would have stopped, so that rude comment about what it had "better not be" wouldn't have had a chance to occur.
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Old 12-27-2015, 04:16 PM
 
12,932 posts, read 19,824,518 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WildColonialGirl View Post
Not really. Books are very cheap, and decent toys are relatively expensive.
I bought my grandson 2 books. The total was $55.00. Some books are inexpensive compared to toys, but not children's hardcovers. I admit, I was floored looking at some of the prices on the book jackets.
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Old 12-27-2015, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Austin
7,083 posts, read 16,919,944 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
One thing that was rude was your son's behavior!
If you were there and saw the look on a 5 year old's face getting baby books when his sister is getting nice gifts, you wouldn't dare say his behavior was rude. You should have read the rest of my post and you would have seen that it was not rude, but a very intuitive child who knows he's being treated unfairly. And the main issue was that they were baby books. He received more than 50 books from me and Santa, and he loved them all because they were books he could read and grow into. Baby books are not an appropriate book for a 5 year old.
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