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Old 12-26-2015, 09:04 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,521,049 times
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So my mother in law has always heavily preferred granddaughters over grandsons. When they were little, if they were misbehaving, she would 100% blame it on the boy. And my husband, when I pointed that out, he told me no matter how naughty his sister was (less then 2 years younger), he would get in trouble and she wouldn't. He actually learned to hide from his sister all the way until graduation and college, because no matter what, he would get into trouble.

So this is random. I appreciate gifts from the grandparents. They have 15 grandkids and are retired. But this Christmas my son got a book, it cost $5. The receipt came with it. It's a book several years beyond his reading level even though he reads a couple years ahead. (It's a high school book, he is in late elementary. Not even middle school. MIL was a teacher, she understands all that). My daughter got a toy. The receipt was for $40.

Does that seem odd to anyone? Or is it just me?

I assume I will be told off. But, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? My son doesn't notice yet. And I don't think they owe my kids gifts at all. But it is weird to spend $5 on one grand kid and $40 on another in the same family...no?
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,295 posts, read 37,896,251 times
Reputation: 74102
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post

My son doesn't notice yet.
This ^^ is all that matters.

People, including relatives, do weird things. In May I gave my SIL wallet-sized photos of my sons' senior portraits. This year for Christmas, she gave us photo Christmas ornaments using each boy's senior picture ... the ones I had given HER. I was thinking to myself ... um, I gave these to you for YOU to have. I already have 8x10s of these!! I have all four of your kids' senior pix in my own office, on display. And you're giving mine back?

It's not worth even mentioning to ANYONE, especially your husband. Your MIL is who she is. You aren't going to change her. Let it go.

Focusing on dollar amounts only teaches your kids to keep track.
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,155 posts, read 22,162,714 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
So my mother in law has always heavily preferred granddaughters over grandsons. When they were little, if they were misbehaving, she would 100% blame it on the boy. And my husband, when I pointed that out, he told me no matter how naughty his sister was (less then 2 years younger), he would get in trouble and she wouldn't. He actually learned to hide from his sister all the way until graduation and college, because no matter what, he would get into trouble.

So this is random. I appreciate gifts from the grandparents. They have 15 grandkids and are retired. But this Christmas my son got a book, it cost $5. The receipt came with it. It's a book several years beyond his reading lever even though he reads a couple years ahead. My daughter got a toy. The receipt was for $40.

Does that seem odd to anyone? Or is it just me?

I assume I will be told off. But, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? My son doesn't notice yet. And o don't think they owe my kids gifts at all. But it is weird to spend $5 on one grand kid and $40 on another in the same family...no?
It may be or may not be. For kids not old enough to understand or care, I don't think it necessarily matters whether the dollar amounts equal out, so long as the gift is appropriate. This was our first year as grandparents - we did not spend a lot on our (less than 1 yr old) grandson. There was no reason to. He has no idea. If we'd had an older grandchild who "got it" and spent more on him/her, it wouldn't necessarily reflect on our feelings on either child.
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:12 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,824,909 times
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I don't see why the amount spent has to be identical.

So, if the book cast $20, should he get cash to make up the difference?
I don't think so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
This was our first year as grandparents - we did not spend a lot on our (less than 1 yr old) grandson. There was no reason to. He has no idea. If we'd had an older grandchild who "got it" and spent more on him/her, it wouldn't necessarily reflect on our feelings on either child.
Same here... except ours is a girl.
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:15 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,521,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
This ^^ is all that matters.

People, including relatives, do weird things. In May I gave my SIL wallet-sized photos of my sons' senior portraits. This year for Christmas, she gave us photo Christmas ornaments using each boy's senior picture ... the ones I had given HER. I was thinking to myself ... um, I gave these to you for YOU to have. I already have 8x10s of these!! I have all four of your kids' senior pix in my own office, on display. And you're giving mine back?

It's not worth even mentioning to ANYONE, especially your husband. Your MIL is who she is. You aren't going to change her. Let it go.

Focusing on dollar amounts only teaches your kids to keep track.
He absolutely will notice if it goes on. That's my only concern. We raised a niece through high school. She had brothers. She told me they all knew it. And this was a random thing she brought up. I had noticed it but I never raised an eyebrow over it.

It was not a dollar amount. It was a small paper back book v. A great toy gift.
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:17 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,521,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
I don't see why the amount spent has to be identical.

So, if the book cast $20, should he get cash to make up the difference?
I don't think so.



Same here... except ours is a girl.
No, I used the cost to show the difference between gifts. A $5 book is very different then a $40 toy. No?
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:19 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,521,049 times
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Also when we had our boys and our niece, the grandparents sent the boys a gift card for $20, and the girls $100.

Not weird?
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:22 PM
 
12,934 posts, read 19,849,086 times
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Wasn't it your son who wanted books for Christmas anyway? Maybe it was an honest effort to please him.

Yes, it's odd, and unfair. But if the kids aren't keeping score, let it go.
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:28 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,521,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Wasn't it your son who wanted books for Christmas anyway? Maybe it was an honest effort to please him.

Yes, it's odd, and unfair. But if the kids aren't keeping score, let it go.
I'm not holding on to it. I did know posting about it would make people foam at the mouth. But I was curious if anyone ran into this also.

No she didn't know he asked for books. Although she does know my daughter is dyslexic. Maybe that's part of it, she can't guess what book might be appropriate.

She isn't a bad person. I just really know she prefers little girls over little boys. And it's something that makes me scratch my head.
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Old 12-26-2015, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,295 posts, read 37,896,251 times
Reputation: 74102
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Also when we had our boys and our niece, the grandparents sent the boys a gift card for $20, and the girls $100.

Not weird?
We all agree it's weird. What do you think should happen?

The best thing you can do is raise your kids NOT to care about stuff like this, don't bring it up around them, and teach them to understand that a gift is just a gift and not a reflection of their self worth.
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