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Old 12-28-2015, 03:28 AM
 
11,390 posts, read 12,660,504 times
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It takes a very special person with a selfless heart.

Someone who can see a need and fill a need no matter what.

Shame on the parent that does not raise their own offspring.
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Old 12-28-2015, 04:31 AM
 
6,908 posts, read 3,742,109 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
If you met someone who had a baby and the father was unknown, would you do all the father roles, such as live with them, change diapers, pay for rent, diapers, take care of them, etc, have the baby call you dad, yet not actually be allowed to adopt them? So basically you are having all of the responsibilities, yet no rights. So if the mom dies in a car accident in 5 or 10 years, and the kid thinks you are his parent, and you have acted as such, you are legally not, would you go into such situation? This is considering that you could actually adopt, because the father is unknown. As far as I'm concerned, this seems cruel and wrong. I wouldn't want to "pretend" to be the kids parent and later possibly have him go through something like this.
I don't see why adoption is not an option in this scenario. Also the mother can simply draw up a will and the child would remain in the care of the man that has been acting as dad. This all does not have to be complicated.
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Old 12-28-2015, 05:14 AM
 
Location: UK
2 posts, read 1,007 times
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My ex partner has been stepdad to my eldest son since he was 9 months old, he always called him Dad but grew up with the knowledge that he had a daddy who made him and a daddy who looked after him. His birth father quit contact when my son was 18 months. I split up with his stepdad 6 years ago and stepdad has continued to be a dad to him sharing joint custody. My son is now 20.
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Old 12-28-2015, 05:41 AM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,083,410 times
Reputation: 30973
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
If you met someone who had a baby and the father was unknown, would you do all the father roles, such as live with them, change diapers, pay for rent, diapers, take care of them, etc, have the baby call you dad, yet not actually be allowed to adopt them? So basically you are having all of the responsibilities, yet no rights. So if the mom dies in a car accident in 5 or 10 years, and the kid thinks you are his parent, and you have acted as such, you are legally not, would you go into such situation? This is considering that you could actually adopt, because the father is unknown. As far as I'm concerned, this seems cruel and wrong. I wouldn't want to "pretend" to be the kids parent and later possibly have him go through something like this.
As a just out to teens young man many decades ago, I fathered a child out of wedlock. I was ready to marry the girl, she saw reasons why it would not last. She married someone who knew she was pregnant, and with my agreement he is on the birth certificate as the father. I cannot imagine a scenario in which either she - or I - would have been comfortable with someone who did not want to be the legal father. Though it was he who insisted on being registered as the natural father.
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Old 12-28-2015, 05:46 AM
 
3,043 posts, read 6,300,398 times
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My bio dad left when I was 3 years old and my mom got remarried when I was 5. I called my step dad, dad but I knew he was not my biological father. My step dad never adopted me and they got divorced when I was 22. I am 37 and I still call him dad today.


Now your situation is different first why is the mother not trying to find who the bio dad is? It is not fair for the bio father to not be notified. What reason did she give that the step dad could not adopt the child. Also even if the step dad takes the roll on as dad the child should be told honestly that he is the step dad not the bio dad.


This women sounds like she has some issues and is odd no offense. She does not know who the birth father is and wants the step dad to raise the child with her yet does not want him to adopt. Also that she would let the step dad basically lie and not tell the child he was not the bio dad.
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Old 12-28-2015, 06:41 AM
 
914 posts, read 550,767 times
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If this was a serious relationship and we truly loved each other, I would marry her and then adopt the child as my own. So then I would have rights. If she didn't ever want to get to married and give me parental rights, then no.
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Old 12-28-2015, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,014 posts, read 20,514,746 times
Reputation: 20369
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
If you met someone who had a baby and the father was unknown, would you do all the father roles, such as live with them, change diapers, pay for rent, diapers, take care of them, etc, have the baby call you dad, yet not actually be allowed to adopt them? So basically you are having all of the responsibilities, yet no rights. So if the mom dies in a car accident in 5 or 10 years, and the kid thinks you are his parent, and you have acted as such, you are legally not, would you go into such situation? This is considering that you could actually adopt, because the father is unknown. As far as I'm concerned, this seems cruel and wrong. I wouldn't want to "pretend" to be the kids parent and later possibly have him go through something like this.
Would I, yes. I am actually raising my two gkids with no legal rights. Should you, no. True love and commitment do not require a piece of paper sanctioned by some court employee. If you cant feel that, and you cant, then you should not get involved in such a situation. Children need someone who loves them unconditionally not someone who pretends to care.
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Old 12-28-2015, 08:26 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,981,619 times
Reputation: 42370
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
This can be a very very tough situation.

I had a stepson and he lived with us for 1.5 years. Then his father and I divorced and I had to walk away...basically never speak to him (stepson) again. I took care of that boy, I did everything for him. He called me Mom. I tucked him into bed every night...read a book with him to send him off to sleep...helped him with his homework...you just can't know how hard it was to have to just say: I will not see this child again.

But it was 100% out of his hands. His father detested me for leaving and was no way, nohow going to ever let me see that child again.

If I could have kept in contact, been a presence, helped him? Loved him? I would have, yes.
That would break my heart, JerZ.
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Old 12-28-2015, 08:27 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,495,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natiam View Post
I don't date guys that have children, so no, I wouldn't raise someone's child when I'm not legally obligated to do so. If it was a nephew or niece, or someone I know and he/she is in an unfortunate circumstance that made the kid an orphan, I'd be happy to raise them without any paperwork necessary. Just not any random kid though.
That is a hard situation too. We did raise a nice, no paper work. And it was awful. They gave us no support, refused to allow us simple things like making educational and medical decisions (although we were able to get around that). We couldn't get her a driving learners permit. "Papers" are very important.
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Old 12-28-2015, 08:38 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,495,844 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Would I, yes. I am actually raising my two gkids with no legal rights. Should you, no. True love and commitment do not require a piece of paper sanctioned by some court employee. If you cant feel that, and you cant, then you should not get involved in such a situation. Children need someone who loves them unconditionally not someone who pretends to care.
Without papers, you can't get them in school, get them medical care, make medical or educational decisions, get them a driver permit...etc. And at any point their bio parent can come take them. I suggest you consider getting papers to make the child's world more safe and stable. We learned the hard way.
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