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Old 12-28-2015, 09:34 AM
gg
 
Location: Pittsburgh
16,979 posts, read 17,204,341 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
If you met someone who had a baby and the father was unknown, would you do all the father roles, such as live with them, change diapers, pay for rent, diapers, take care of them, etc, have the baby call you dad, yet not actually be allowed to adopt them? So basically you are having all of the responsibilities, yet no rights. So if the mom dies in a car accident in 5 or 10 years, and the kid thinks you are his parent, and you have acted as such, you are legally not, would you go into such situation? This is considering that you could actually adopt, because the father is unknown. As far as I'm concerned, this seems cruel and wrong. I wouldn't want to "pretend" to be the kids parent and later possibly have him go through something like this.
Sounds like you are going to be a big brother/mentor to a little kid. How nice. Maybe just thinking of the child and not thinking of yourself is the best way to proceed. In other words, you are doing a great thing for someone. It takes a neighborhood to raise a child, so they say. Seems you are stepping up to the plate. Good for you!
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Old 12-28-2015, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,262 posts, read 49,821,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Without papers, you can't get them in school, get them medical care, make medical or educational decisions, get them a driver permit...etc. y.
Lol. Well, that's certainly not true.
Not once have I been asked to prove my son is mine - not before or after I adopted him. Not when I took him to doctors, not when I bought him health insurance, not when I applied to school, not when we got passports, etc.

To answer the op, yes.
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Old 12-28-2015, 10:20 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,694,695 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
If you met someone who had a baby and the father was unknown, would you do all the father roles, such as live with them, change diapers, pay for rent, diapers, take care of them, etc, have the baby call you dad, yet not actually be allowed to adopt them? So basically you are having all of the responsibilities, yet no rights. So if the mom dies in a car accident in 5 or 10 years, and the kid thinks you are his parent, and you have acted as such, you are legally not, would you go into such situation? This is considering that you could actually adopt, because the father is unknown. As far as I'm concerned, this seems cruel and wrong. I wouldn't want to "pretend" to be the kids parent and later possibly have him go through something like this.


No. I would get a lawyer and have adoption papers drawn up. If you can't find the dad, there are other ways of making your adoption go through, like posting a "looking for" ad in the paper. If the mother simply won't do it, then that's a deal-breaker for me.
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Old 12-28-2015, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,102 posts, read 3,070,689 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Lol. Well, that's certainly not true.
Not once have I been asked to prove my son is mine - not before or after I adopted him. Not when I took him to doctors, not when I bought him health insurance, not when I applied to school, not when we got passports, etc.

To answer the op, yes.
School, doctor's offices, etc, will generally not ask. Just sign as though you're the parent and whatever. For a passport, though, you need all sorts of documentation, including something in writing from the non-custodial natural parent in some cases (not if the child is adopted, of course, but in some step-parent situations). You need long-form birth certificates and, I assume, adoption papers. It's not just a "show up with some random kid and get them a passport" type thing.
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Old 12-28-2015, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
19,048 posts, read 10,079,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Lol. Well, that's certainly not true.
Not once have I been asked to prove my son is mine - not before or after I adopted him. Not when I took him to doctors, not when I bought him health insurance, not when I applied to school, not when we got passports, etc.

To answer the op, yes.
I call BS on this. You have to provide a birth certificate to get a passport for your child as well as be present in person and sign certifications that they are your child.

And maybe things vary where you are, but I had to provide a copy of his birth certificate to register my son for school, and also to my employer to qualify him as my dependent to be registered on my health insurance.

OP, I don't think adults should worry about having "rights" to a child. However, I do think that children need stability in their lives. If you are going to live with that child's mother and act as a parent, you should get married and legally adopt the child.
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Old 12-28-2015, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,232,054 times
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My OH is doing that right now. He has been helping raise my daughter since she was 18 months old but has no legal rights over her as her dad has joint custody with me, the only issue that really presents is what would happen to her if I die but its silly to leave a relationship just on the off-chance I die before she grows up (and wouldn't even necessarily have to be 18, if I put in my will that I want him to take care of her, and she is a teenager and wants to stay with him, there's a good chance a judge would agree to that as he would have been her step-dad almost all her life).

I would do the same if I really loved the parent and the kid(s).
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Old 12-28-2015, 12:37 PM
 
5,084 posts, read 6,236,753 times
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I have a friend who's in this situation. She had a baby girls when she was 20. Girl is not 9. Bio dad has seen her all of 2 times in her entire life and wants nothing to do with her. Friend starting dating "Joe" when little girl was about 2. Friend and Joe got married and had 2 more kids. Little Girl loves Joe, calls him Dad, the whole 9 yards. Joe would like nothing more than to adopt Little Girl. But Bio Dad refuses to give up his parental rights, because that would make him a bad father (insert eye roll). Little girl knows Joe is not her bio dad, but doesn't care; she loves him as if he were. She doesn't even remember her bio dad because she hasn't seen him since she was about 3.

Friend's biggest fear is that something will happen to her, and her kids will be split up. Joe would have no legal right to keep and take care of Little Girl, even though he absolutely would be willing and would take good care of her. Little Girl can also not go on Joe's health insurance plan among other things. If something should happen to friend, her only hope is that bio dad is such a loser that he wouldn't want Little Girl anyway, and would let Joe have her or let friend's mom have her. Friend's mom would probably let her continue to live with Joe and their other kids. It's really a mess. I feel so bad for Little Girl. And I feel so angry that bio dad has every legal right to put her in this situation.
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Old 12-28-2015, 12:48 PM
 
13,020 posts, read 12,464,716 times
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If you can't commit to helping to raise a child, then don't commit to their parent. Even if the other parent is still fully committed to the child, what if something happened to them?
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Old 12-28-2015, 02:06 PM
 
3 posts, read 1,350 times
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this would be a very difficult decision as raising someone else who is not your child is very difficult. Although I have heard many stories about people who adopted children who turned out to be very caring and supportive, even better than your own children. And stories about real children behaving as the worst enemies.
To be simple this would vary in every situation and mainly depends how is the child treated and brought up
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Old 12-28-2015, 02:33 PM
 
Location: california
920 posts, read 598,905 times
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I know a family who did this. Kid was my age , in my grade and lived next door to my grandmothers house.

They were always very private which I am sure, didn't foster his development as well

But they were very loving people, and he couldn't have gotten better off the record parents, than he had

Mom never came back after she dropped them off. They avoided the red tape.

I am 46 so this was a long time ago. But even then, they had a few issues here and there they tell me where they were afraid
he would be yanked out of their care. Or they would be exposed for not being his real parents as they pretended to be


The kid turned out pretty screwed up and they are still devoted to him. Both his real parents eventually ended up in the funny farm permanently. Suppose it's good he hasn't ended up there yet and holds a job about half the time. He is getting better as he ages, slowly. And hasn't knocked anyone up yet, thank god
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