U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-29-2015, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 2,768,404 times
Reputation: 8002

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by ocpaul20 View Post

Yes, of course there are men who will insist that they are the father of the child they are living with, and others who dont care. Personally, I would rather have the nappy phase out of the way before I get there, but thats just me.

Trust me Much better going in at the nappy stage than teenager.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-29-2015, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
4,928 posts, read 3,131,827 times
Reputation: 14831
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
True love and commitment do not require a piece of paper sanctioned by some court employee.

Agreed. But that piece of paper sure could come in handy if the other party withdraws their true love and commitment.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-29-2015, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
4,928 posts, read 3,131,827 times
Reputation: 14831
Quote:
Originally Posted by TenorSax83 View Post
If this was a serious relationship and we truly loved each other, I would marry her and then adopt the child as my own. So then I would have rights. If she didn't ever want to get to married and give me parental rights, then no.
I was in a situation sort of like this. I dated a woman, then broke up; then she married another guy and they had a kid. I remained in the picture as a friend to both of the adults and the child as well. Things got rocky and they split up. I explored the possibility of rekindling the relationship. I loved the kid and she loved me, and I was fully prepared to adopt her and raise her as my own. (I never got to the point of finding out if the father would have been willing to relinquish his rights, but I strongly suspect he would have been, if he had been released from child-support obligations.) The woman was interested in getting back together with me, but she refused to consider letting me adopt her child.

Deal breaker. There was no way I was going to assume the burden of fatherhood if I couldn't be the legal father. Things fizzled out.

Odd P.S.: this all happened almost 20 years ago, but I'm still in touch with all three of them. Never did rekindle a serious dating relationship with the woman, and given that I'm happily married, I'm not about to start now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-29-2015, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,080 posts, read 3,062,520 times
Reputation: 8593
I've never been asked for a birth certificate by any doctor that I've brought a child to, and yes, I've been in charge of bringing other people's children to the doctor on a handful of occasions (plus of course my own children). I think that might be something that varies by location.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-29-2015, 12:43 PM
 
3,408 posts, read 5,126,424 times
Reputation: 2432
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
I was in a situation sort of like this. I dated a woman, then broke up; then she married another guy and they had a kid. I remained in the picture as a friend to both of the adults and the child as well. Things got rocky and they split up. I explored the possibility of rekindling the relationship. I loved the kid and she loved me, and I was fully prepared to adopt her and raise her as my own. (I never got to the point of finding out if the father would have been willing to relinquish his rights, but I strongly suspect he would have been, if he had been released from child-support obligations.) The woman was interested in getting back together with me, but she refused to consider letting me adopt her child.

Deal breaker. There was no way I was going to assume the burden of fatherhood if I couldn't be the legal father. Things fizzled out.

Odd P.S.: this all happened almost 20 years ago, but I'm still in touch with all three of them. Never did rekindle a serious dating relationship with the woman, and given that I'm happily married, I'm not about to start now.
Yeah, I guess that's half of it. Raising a child is a huge investment. The other half comes from the perspective of the child. They would be dependent on you, but really shouldn't be, because you have no way of ensuring that your support can continue, unless you have parental rights.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-29-2015, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
2,747 posts, read 1,209,866 times
Reputation: 5047
Maybe I made this up, but once upon a time there were dating rules of engagement. One of the top rules was simply that, if you aren't ready to take on the whole family, you don't date a single mother. It's cruel to do otherwise. Maybe that's now obsolete.

Anyway, I met my not child/child when she was 5 and have helped raise her for several years. I love her and I love her mother. I dislike her bio father, but I'll never tell her that. Our relationship needs to be independent of that one. I hope she continues to have a good relationship with her father. I hope she continues to have a good relationship with me.

The worst case scenario is that her bio mother dies and her bio father doesn't allow us to see each other anymore. That would be horrible. However, children grow, and I have little doubt that she would seek me out when she's old enough. Lacking parental rights wouldn't stop me from getting her a car, or paying for her school tuition. The time together would be shorter and less ideal, but I can't let that small chance interfere with somehow putting up a wall of not loving her because of that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-29-2015, 01:23 PM
 
579 posts, read 552,870 times
Reputation: 675
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
If you met someone who had a baby and the father was unknown, would you do all the father roles, such as live with them, change diapers, pay for rent, diapers, take care of them, etc, have the baby call you dad, yet not actually be allowed to adopt them? So basically you are having all of the responsibilities, yet no rights. So if the mom dies in a car accident in 5 or 10 years, and the kid thinks you are his parent, and you have acted as such, you are legally not, would you go into such situation? This is considering that you could actually adopt, because the father is unknown. As far as I'm concerned, this seems cruel and wrong. I wouldn't want to "pretend" to be the kids parent and later possibly have him go through something like this.
It depends on whether you want to adopt the child. If you love the mother, and want to be a part of her life and her child's life, you should do so and try to adopt the child. If the father is not known, a Court can terminate the parental rights and allow an adoption in most states. See a lawyer for more on this, but its not difficult. If the father is known, then you can still adopt. Even if I could not adopt, I would not let it stop me from doing what I felt in my heart. If you love the mom and want to be a parent, do it. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-29-2015, 02:45 PM
 
344 posts, read 216,801 times
Reputation: 657
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
If you met someone who had a baby and the father was unknown, would you do all the father roles, such as live with them, change diapers, pay for rent, diapers, take care of them, etc, have the baby call you dad, yet not actually be allowed to adopt them? So basically you are having all of the responsibilities, yet no rights. So if the mom dies in a car accident in 5 or 10 years, and the kid thinks you are his parent, and you have acted as such, you are legally not, would you go into such situation? This is considering that you could actually adopt, because the father is unknown. As far as I'm concerned, this seems cruel and wrong. I wouldn't want to "pretend" to be the kids parent and later possibly have him go through something like this.
What if it were the other way around? What if Daddy had a child and the new lady is in life became the new mommy? My dad dated a women for 22 years and although they were never married, she was the best "mom" I ever had. They broke up a few years before he pasted away but she is still my "mom". Just because she had no legal authority didn't mean she stopped caring about me as a human being.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-29-2015, 02:58 PM
 
3,408 posts, read 5,126,424 times
Reputation: 2432
Quote:
Originally Posted by cayennev8 View Post
What if it were the other way around? What if Daddy had a child and the new lady is in life became the new mommy? My dad dated a women for 22 years and although they were never married, she was the best "mom" I ever had. They broke up a few years before he pasted away but she is still my "mom". Just because she had no legal authority didn't mean she stopped caring about me as a human being.
I agree with what you said. That is a best case scenario. Things could happen other ways. For example, if the woman who was best mom you ever had, broke up with your father when you were still a child, and your father decided that he didn't want anything to do with her, the woman wouldn't be allowed to speak to you again. Or if your father died when you were a child, then a judge could decide to send you 1,000 miles away to live with relatives.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-29-2015, 03:36 PM
 
1,039 posts, read 606,699 times
Reputation: 1730
The love of a child is its own reward


Id do it in a heartbeat
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top