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Old 12-27-2015, 09:11 PM
3,408 posts, read 5,138,026 times
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If you met someone who had a baby and the father was unknown, would you do all the father roles, such as live with them, change diapers, pay for rent, diapers, take care of them, etc, have the baby call you dad, yet not actually be allowed to adopt them? So basically you are having all of the responsibilities, yet no rights. So if the mom dies in a car accident in 5 or 10 years, and the kid thinks you are his parent, and you have acted as such, you are legally not, would you go into such situation? This is considering that you could actually adopt, because the father is unknown. As far as I'm concerned, this seems cruel and wrong. I wouldn't want to "pretend" to be the kids parent and later possibly have him go through something like this.
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Old 12-27-2015, 09:12 PM
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Definitely not. If I did not create the child or co-adopt the child with a romantic partner, I have no interest in raising the child.
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Old 12-27-2015, 09:23 PM
Location: USA
2,437 posts, read 1,804,995 times
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I knew a guy who was in an intense relationship with a woman for several years. The woman's child bio father left the picture when she was a baby. When the kid was a toddler. the mom began seriously dating another man. The kid started calling him Daddy. Well their relationship fizzled out several years later leaving the child without another "father".

Ironically 5yrs. later now that he claims to have his shyt together, the guy is back in her life and the mom's. Out of all the men that the child's mom has been with, she has liked him the most. He seems to interact with her as if she was his child
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Old 12-27-2015, 11:16 PM
Location: PRC
2,719 posts, read 2,992,565 times
Reputation: 2464
kids are not yours to own. Why would it matter if you loved the mother? I think you either accept things as they are or move on if you cannot accept it. If you were really in love, it just would not matter.

Kids love you for who you are, if you are there for them, then they will love you. Do you have so many people who love you that you can afford to pick and choose who will give you the best return on your investment of time? All that kind of thing sounds a little sick to me.

Yes, of course there are men who will insist that they are the father of the child they are living with, and others who dont care. Personally, I would rather have the nappy phase out of the way before I get there, but thats just me.
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Old 12-27-2015, 11:19 PM
10,090 posts, read 6,515,436 times
Reputation: 23714
Well, I'm not a man. But if things got that serious I would be willing to raise the child as well as go through court procedures to get custody. It depends on the state how hard that is.

I've raised a load of kids that werent mine legally. While I wouldn't change the experience and time with them for anything. I wouldn't do it again.
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Old 12-27-2015, 11:31 PM
332 posts, read 201,293 times
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I don't date guys that have children, so no, I wouldn't raise someone's child when I'm not legally obligated to do so. If it was a nephew or niece, or someone I know and he/she is in an unfortunate circumstance that made the kid an orphan, I'd be happy to raise them without any paperwork necessary. Just not any random kid though.
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Old 12-28-2015, 12:03 AM
2,746 posts, read 2,093,126 times
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I'm not a guy but I have seen how some women just want a man to raise their kid, so I would say hell to the no. I have no interest in raising other people's kids.
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Old 12-28-2015, 12:20 AM
Location: The Borderlands
196 posts, read 119,846 times
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I've seen it done plenty of times. My girl friend raised 3 girls for 16 years and she had no claim to them at all but she's been living with the father all that time.

I know several men who've done it. One who had gone so far as to take on the children after the relationship with the mother ended. I've seen a father walk in and take care of a child he had previously given up rights(because of the mother) after the mother abandoned the child.

I'd gladly take any kid in if they needed me, rights or not. You do what's best for the child. When I was 21 I had my neighbors 14 year old for 6 months while they worked out family issues. There was no compensation and I had no rights. I was simply a safe and impartial party who offered my home to a kid who needed some help.

I think the question should be, do you want to date someone with children?
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Old 12-28-2015, 01:01 AM
25,429 posts, read 24,216,311 times
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This can be a very very tough situation.

I had a stepson and he lived with us for 1.5 years. Then his father and I divorced and I had to walk away...basically never speak to him (stepson) again. I took care of that boy, I did everything for him. He called me Mom. I tucked him into bed every night...read a book with him to send him off to sleep...helped him with his homework...you just can't know how hard it was to have to just say: I will not see this child again.

But it was 100% out of his hands. His father detested me for leaving and was no way, nohow going to ever let me see that child again.

If I could have kept in contact, been a presence, helped him? Loved him? I would have, yes.
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Old 12-28-2015, 04:19 AM
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,035 posts, read 32,022,062 times
Reputation: 30443
Hell no!
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