U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 01-01-2016, 10:24 PM
Location: Texas
3,698 posts, read 2,847,271 times
Reputation: 6095


Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
Take them to the movies, a museum, a painting place to paint ceramics, out for ice cream/frozen yogurt, amusement park, zoo, out for a bike ride, a play, driving lessons in an empty parking lot or country roads, spa day ( men can get facials and massages too).

Interesting suggestion. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?

I am curious what the girls ages were when OP attempted to do the activities like camping, fishing etc. Maybe, like many PP's have said, he started too late in their lives, and the ship has sailed.....or maybe he made an effort early on in their lives, and they are just not receptive. All 3 feeling that same way does seem a bit unusual, though. Not one with any common interests to his?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 01-02-2016, 01:00 AM
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,874 posts, read 12,933,764 times
Reputation: 28957
Well, you say they're just like their mother and you've found her attractive enough to have her around for almost a couple of decades. I would ask what you like about her, but I guess it's not something you're going to do with your daughters. Is there nothing else? Is there anything about her MIND you like? What do you talk to her about?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2016, 01:07 AM
Location: Texas
598 posts, read 476,675 times
Reputation: 1815
Originally Posted by Vladias View Post
Would really appreciate some advice as I am at a loss what to do. I have 3 daughters; 13, 15 and 16, and they are all practically clones of their mother who is the type of woman that one could say is high maintenance as in she won't go anywhere without looking her best and always has her hair/nails done etc. etc. It has translated to our daughters who have taken up after her wholeheartedly.

They all read fashion/teen mags and my wife loves taking them to get all the stuff she does done and shopping and all that stuff, which I am not saying is bad or wrong but it leaves little for me to do and believe me I have tried. I have taken them all camping which they hated with a passion, took them fishing which they also hated, tried to do other things but to no avail. I have asked them what they'd like to do and they always say go to the mall or something of that nature.

I have talked to my wife and she just says that's how they are and I can't change it. I am not looking to change who they are and I am glad they all have a great relationship with their mother but there seems little room for me. I do certainly love my daughters but sometimes I do wish I had had a son or at least one of them were a tomboy. Heck just yesterday I was out grocery shopping with my 13 year old and she wanted some fashion magazine which I did get her but I wish she and other daughters were at least willing to do something else.
OP, did you ever notice that moms hardly ever complain about not being able to bond with their sons? I have never heard a mom say, "I tried taking Johnny to a mani pedi and he was just bored."

Moms bond with their kids by just participating in their lives. If her son plays sports, she bonds by going to his games, taking him to practice, etc.

Dads need to do the same thing with their kids. Just support and participate with your kids in the things that they're interested in. It's not about you, it about spending time with your kids. There doesn't have to always a teaching or learning moment when you interact.

There a lot of nonfishing and noncamping things that you can do that most girls like to do. My girlfriends and I loved going to movies, skating, bowling, etc when we were young teens.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2016, 02:26 AM
2,540 posts, read 3,305,973 times
Reputation: 5542
There's plenty of gender neutral non-tomboyish things you can do that they might enjoy - movies, walks, eating out, amusement parks, reading and talking about what you read, etc.
But I think the op knows this. And what he is actually asking is not 'how do I bond with my daughters?' But ' how do I get them to like the boy stuff I like'. Which is a very different question and may have no good answer
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2016, 02:47 AM
442 posts, read 1,293,292 times
Reputation: 304
I think the OP is mostly venting that he feels shut out of his family's life, to some extent. He wishes he had more influence in their daily lives. It's never too late to be involved..if you have neglected your role in the past and are trying to compensate now, it can be done but it will most likely take alot of work to make up for that on your end.

Unless you're one of those family centered families, I would guess your teens are like most teens and want to do their own thing and how many opportunities there will be for "bonding" is unknown. Why don't you drive them to their nail appts? Look for the small opportunities where you can spend time with them even for just a moment...because "these" moments will be slipping away fast.

As others mentioned..ask THEM what THEY like to do, this will be the easiest way..take them to the movies..to the mall..make dinner together..make cookies together..have a movie night at home and prepare snacks/appetizers beforehand together...go boating..talk to them about what they want to be in life and find activities that involve that..do everything you can to help them to prepare for their next stage in life..take them to local colleges or trade schools to look @ the campus and programs they might be interested in...help them with homework, don't just tell them to do it...show them how to change a tire, check the oil, battery, etc...take them on a special date night, one or one or all together. I never had a dad so I could really go on.

You may feel like you don't have a place in their life right now, but you really do..girls need their dad as a male role model, esp. as teens. I can personally attest that your influence will make a night and day difference in their adult life. Good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2016, 08:19 AM
Location: San Antonio
3,194 posts, read 9,243,155 times
Reputation: 4745
You are the parent. You change for them. You find something THEY are interested in and you do that with them. Do it enough, and you'll bond, and then maybe you can do something you are interested in. You have to START out on their page.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2016, 08:23 AM
Location: Texas
42,262 posts, read 49,821,133 times
Reputation: 67098
Plenty of boys don't like to fish and camp.

Being a parent often means supporting your kids' interestS even if they aren't your own.

Go DC knows I could give 2 crap about dinosaurs, but now I know everything about them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2016, 08:48 AM
13,018 posts, read 12,464,716 times
Reputation: 37288
A lot of it is personal preference and a lot of it is how you raise your kid. How involved were you when they were toddlers? My father had me out working with his hunting dogs as soon as I could walk. He tried to interest me in tennis - his other passion - and I basically told him to stuff it. But the dogs stuck - we spent much of my childhood rambling through the woods and swamps with his dogs and there was nothing I loved more.

My mother tried to get me interested in typical girly things, and it just didn't take. That was just my personality.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2016, 10:00 AM
Location: Chicago area
13,042 posts, read 7,210,583 times
Reputation: 50012
How about trying something new together like roller skating or ice skating? We learned how to do both within a month of each other in our middle 50's and we love it. I have three crazy girls in my life and they choose our adventure every month. How about family game night? My girls love that as well. We also play hide and seek by candle light with our cell phones on group text so I can make them laugh and find them. We go for midnight walks with the dogs (super safe neighborhood) because they are so high octane. I've taught them how to make origami snow flakes and we spend a couple of hours making them around the holiday. The more you make, the more beautiful the room looks. We have a spooky attic and they love hearing ghost stories up there. We watch scary movies on the home theater in the dark in the basement under the covers with home made popcorn. The girls love to take turns making it. The two younger girls are girlie girls, the oldest is a Tomboy, but that doesn't stop the other girls from wanting to do more high octane sporty things. I had them for a two night sleep over for the 4th of July. We went to two fireworks displays, took a road trip to a state park where we climbed tons of stairs and walked through streams on boulders. Went to a parade, and the Indiana dunes. They all fell asleep in the car on the way home, and it was one of the best 4th of July's ever for me. I hope you find a way to teach them that there is more to life then being high maintenance. I think it's sad that all of my girlfriends stay home when we go skiing. We're going skiing next week and I will be the only woman there. I'm also going fishing with the boys for a weekend in May, and I'm going shooting with besties husband soon. You miss so much life just sitting there getting your nails done. Boring. Get those girls up and moving and teach then how to be one of the boys once in awhile. I'm sure their future husbands will thank you for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2016, 11:13 AM
Location: CT
3,462 posts, read 1,699,241 times
Reputation: 4600
Obviously little princesses, but do they love you and respect you? What's unique about each daughter? What's going on in each of their lives? Have you made time for them during their lives? If you have a bond, you just need to find a common interest between you and each of them. Dinners out, cultural events, maybe a day hike, if you can't find something, then your problem is to build or rebuild your relationship with them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top