U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-02-2016, 12:05 AM
 
13,010 posts, read 12,445,977 times
Reputation: 37270

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennies4Penny View Post
I think that is just YOUR husband. People are different. I react the same way when my babies cry/cried. Immediate attention and cuddling or rocking. My husband is similar, but not as urgent as me. I was at a play date once and my friend put her baby down for a nap and she started crying. It was loud and the mom was talking so I said "X is crying" and she said, "I know." Then continued her conversation. I find that strange, but not my kid so I left it at that.

As I first said, it's not that women are better at caring for children, it's just that we do it differently than men. Some men make fantastic, nurturing caregivers and some women can be terrible, unfeeling caregivers. And some men do use this as an excuse to get out of being involved with their children.
I slept over a friend's house and she and her father drove me home the next day. I was 14. When we got in the door, I ran to where my father was sitting on the couch reading the paper and threw myself down next to him, gave him a hug and a kiss and promptly snuggled under his arm and started chatting away with him about what I'd done over the last 24 hours and what he was reading and all sorts of stuff. After all, my mother had been the one to drop me off at my friend's house after school and that meant I hadn't seen my father in over 24 hours! My mother always says she'll never forget the crestfallen look on the face of my friend's father as he told her sadly that his daughter had never reacted to seeing him like that, even when he'd been on long trips.

My friend's dad was a fairly involved father, but he left his wife to really do the nurturing stuff as she was the homemaker while he worked, and most of the time he spent with his kids was more "special occasion" time rather than a daily occurrence. It just didn't engender a lot of closeness between them.

That said, my father was very much an older guy from another generation. He left the domestic stuff around the house to my mother, even though she also worked full time. And he's a bit of a slob himself. That put a strain on their marriage, and the unhappiness THAT engendered helped put me at a distance from my mother. However, my male friends do not have any such preconceptions. They split the housework with their working wives, as well as being equally invested in parenting their children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-02-2016, 12:36 AM
 
Location: Texas
598 posts, read 475,608 times
Reputation: 1815
Nah. It's all learned. Women are taught (whether directly or indirectly) from our Moms to create "needs" where there aren't any. It's amazing how we will fuss over anything, e.g., mommy wars. I've never heard of daddy wars. Men are taught the opposite. They basically get a free pass by their parents to care for mostly just their needs.

Just because a Mom thinks a baby should never ever ever cry or have a wet diaper for longer than a nanosecond doesn't mean she is better at nurturing. We've been for better or worse to tend to the needs of others and men haven't.

You can tell just by how fathers have evolved that it is learned. It's no longer unusual to see dads with their children (and no mom there to supervise) at museums, parks, school functions, etc.

My husband is an awesome father. He has taught me a lot about being a good parent. We do things differently and I thank God for that. A woman's say doesn't equal better - just different.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2016, 04:16 AM
 
Location: Monnem Germany/ from San Diego
2,242 posts, read 2,315,901 times
Reputation: 4639
I was a stay at home dad for most of the first 3.5 years of my daughters life after my wife's 6 month "Mother pause" and till my daughter stared regularly in Kindergarten at 3.5 or so.

Though largely a financial decision as my now ex earns tons more than I ever will and I was still sort of new in the country and just getting started.
I enjoyed the time with my daughter immensely and don't think I was worse at it than a woman would have been.

I had a evening job a few hours a week and restored our house bit for bit when I had time, was a good experience. Had to reorient a bit when I started working full time again, kind of starting all over again but no regrets.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2016, 04:48 AM
 
7,858 posts, read 6,664,436 times
Reputation: 1371
Divorce was frowned on in society up to the 1970s and before that all women had no right to the children or themselves if there was a separation or divorce ....... Were today is another different culture and frowns of sexism ..........In some other nations laws changed and court cases are opening up that date 50 years ago as the lawyers can make more business , as culture change and they go back and kick the butt of people years before
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2016, 05:16 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,129 posts, read 3,639,022 times
Reputation: 13529
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack Manor View Post
I have a 2 year old boy. He was born out of short lived relationship I had with his mother. She's an excellent mother, very caring and attentive. He stays with her full time now but will start spending alternate weekends with me soon.

I went out with a group of friends the other day and we're discussing a few topics. I said I think women are naturally more suited to take care of children, as general rule, so trying to make us equal is absurd. My female friends found it outrageous, said this was sexist and an excuse men have used to centuries not to take care of their kids.

I mean, did I say anything wrong? Women carry the baby, they breastfeed him/her and nurture them in a way men can never do. Even today, my mum treats my brothers and I with a tenderness that simply has no parallel in my father.

I don't think this is sexist at all, I think it's a compliment to women.

It has nothing to do with who has more love for the child, it's about the natural abilities to take care of them.
I disagree with you OP. Neither sex (father or mother) is more adept or natural at being a parent. I think being a parent (good or bad) is a totally individual thing.

A woman's uterus is only a vessel to carry a baby through pregnancy. Her breasts have milk to feed the baby. That doesn't make her any more or less a good parent.

I and my husband were both equally clueless about being parents when our first son was born. Neither of us had any experience or natural abilities to care for him. We just winged it on the seat of our pants. We did a damned fine job BTW! Our first born is now 31.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2016, 05:42 AM
 
1,562 posts, read 1,060,601 times
Reputation: 2686
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
I think you are right, actually. I'm not saying you can't take excellent care of your child, or that many men don't. But I do think women are biologically and emotionally more inclined than men - for example, when my baby cried, it made me want to cry, and it was so intolerable that I just couldn't NOT go to him. My husband was completely unaffected. Not that he wouldn't help, just that he didn't feel compelled to by some weird instinct. I also found my child so irresistibly adorable that I just couldn't get angry or irritated with him, no matter how much of a pain he was during his first few years of life. My husband had no problem getting irritated and seems immune to cuteness in general. I just think we are programmed for this - there's a reason girls are so into cute things, while boys are not, and why girls like to play with dolls and boys do not (and it's not just marketing). But you can't use it as a cop out not to take care of your child - you can do just as well in a dad kind of way.
Well said. While not universally true, women are superior at nurturing and caring for children, and this is natural, not a social construct. But I think men have their role as well; teaching discipline, perseverance, risk-taking, etc. Both need to be involved in raising their children.

If my son slams his fingers in a door, his mother is inclined to hold him and comfort him. I'll tell him to stop crying and be more careful next time. He learns something from both of us.
Moderator cut: delete

Last edited by Miss Blue; 01-02-2016 at 06:53 AM.. Reason: bait for contention
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2016, 06:07 AM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,459 posts, read 21,202,746 times
Reputation: 17675
I think it is an individual, un-gendered, personal trait to be a nurturing, caring and loving parent. Some men are some aren't. Some women are some aren't.
__________________
Moderator of:
Non Romantic Relationships
Parenting, and sub-forums
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2016, 06:30 AM
 
4,783 posts, read 4,667,418 times
Reputation: 5521
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
I think you are right, actually. I'm not saying you can't take excellent care of your child, or that many men don't. But I do think women are biologically and emotionally more inclined than men - for example, when my baby cried, it made me want to cry, and it was so intolerable that I just couldn't NOT go to him. My husband was completely unaffected. Not that he wouldn't help, just that he didn't feel compelled to by some weird instinct. I also found my child so irresistibly adorable that I just couldn't get angry or irritated with him, no matter how much of a pain he was during his first few years of life. My husband had no problem getting irritated and seems immune to cuteness in general. I just think we are programmed for this - there's a reason girls are so into cute things, while boys are not, and why girls like to play with dolls and boys do not (and it's not just marketing). But you can't use it as a cop out not to take care of your child - you can do just as well in a dad kind of way.
So, one example of you and your husband means that it's applicable to everyone? There are endless stories of women who do TERRIBLE things to their children---being a woman doesn't mean you are automatically someone who will nuture.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Mysterious Benefactor View Post
Well said. While not universally true, women are superior at nurturing and caring for children, and this is natural, not a social construct. But I think men have their role as well; teaching discipline, perseverance, risk-taking, etc. Both need to be involved in raising their children.

If my son slams his fingers in a door, his mother is inclined to hold him and comfort him. I'll tell him to stop crying and be more careful next time. He learns something from both of us.
It has nothing to do with shame. I know if I have a child, I will be more of the disciplinarian and my husband will be the comforting parent. And that's because of our personalities. I am hoping that he can be a SAHD (well, working) and that I can leave the house.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 01-02-2016 at 06:56 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2016, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,581 posts, read 9,657,290 times
Reputation: 34375
I think women are a little better equipped to nurture and raise a child than men. I am the Father of twins, now grown, and was always right there every step of the way all through their lives. I cared for them while my then wife, and RN, worked night shift, and spent many days with them while Mom caught some sleep. But she had a special touch with them that only Moms can have. It is a softer, more understanding side, and children need that warmth and feminine touch.

I remember, when I was growing up, that it was always Mom I could run to when I needed help, even though my Dad was a good Father. She just was more understanding and patient .

That doesn't mean a Father isn't very important to a child's development, just that Mothers have a different, special bond with their children.

Don
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-02-2016, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,129 posts, read 3,639,022 times
Reputation: 13529
Quote:
Originally Posted by don1945 View Post
I think women are a little better equipped to nurture and raise a child than men. I am the Father of twins, now grown, and was always right there every step of the way all through their lives. I cared for them while my then wife, and RN, worked night shift, and spent many days with them while Mom caught some sleep. But she had a special touch with them that only Moms can have. It is a softer, more understanding side, and children need that warmth and feminine touch.

I remember, when I was growing up, that it was always Mom I could run to when I needed help, even though my Dad was a good Father. She just was more understanding and patient .

That doesn't mean a Father isn't very important to a child's development, just that Mothers have a different, special bond with their children.

Don
YOUR kids had a different bond with their mother. Doesn't mean every kid does. My kids often ran to their father for comfort.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top