U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-03-2016, 07:17 PM
 
Location: here
24,474 posts, read 28,767,996 times
Reputation: 31056

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Good for you! You told it to him straight that he would need better grades - that's being realistic. So much better than "Of course you can do it - you can do ANYTHING!" (with the subtext possibly, "you don't need to do anything special to get in").
Right. It is possible to be both positive and realistic. When you tell a kid they can do anything, you aren't saying it won't be a ton of work.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-03-2016, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,144 posts, read 22,135,031 times
Reputation: 35586
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Right. It is possible to be both positive and realistic. When you tell a kid they can do anything, you aren't saying it won't be a ton of work.
Exactly.

"You can achieve anything you set your mind to" is not the same thing as "you can have anything you want". The OP is supporting raising children to be completely focused on their limitations and plan their life based on what they *can't* achieve rather than what they *might* .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2016, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland
5,941 posts, read 2,497,448 times
Reputation: 5609
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
OMG! Now that is dangerous thinking....when I see kids playing basketball at the park...what are the odds that any one of them will become professional?...what if none of them are taller than 5'6" ? Oh, I know there's that ONE guy...therefore, rather than help steer kids in a direction where they won't have broken dreams and want to kill themselves at the age of 22, let's say YOU CAN DO ANYTHING...if you try hard enough. So, ALL the blame is on them...not genetics, not their environment, not their intellect, not their lack of talent, not their lack of anything. How about getting REAL? You're not doing your job as a parent if you push wishful, magical, psychotic thinking.

Frankly, I don't really care how you raise your children. Tell them there are things they should not even attempt to do, because they aren't as capable as some one else. Lay his life out for him, and give him/her a list of sure fire Failures. I am surprised your parents did not tell you not to try to be a Parent, seeing what your methods of Patenting are. You people kill me. Some folks should not be allowed to have Kids.


I didn't say you could do anything if you try hard enough. I said you can do anything if you want to "Bad" enough. Then you try, with that as a driver and motivator. You evidently slept through most of your life, since there are Millions of examples where Kids have achieved their Dreams , in spite of the word "You Can't" coming from folks like yourself. Who are you to predict what another can do in life? What gift do you possess that allows you to set limitations on ones capability of achievement?


You need to get real. Your not doing your job as a Parent if your trying to predict a Childs future, and teaching them that they will failures in what they dream of being, so they may as well kill themselves at 16. Kids find out what they want to do, and what they no longer want to do, as they grow up, on their own, and get to know themselves better.


Unless the have been indoctrinated with Failure propaganda and don't even consider their Dreams.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2016, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland
5,941 posts, read 2,497,448 times
Reputation: 5609
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
No - parents should help their kids set realistic goals based on their skills, likes, and the money willing to be spent on education, etc.

We've wound up with kids owing 10's of thousands of dollars for an undergraduate degree that they don't even know what they can do with! Sometimes a fine arts degree, or sociology, etc. Those are wonderful degrees, but won't get you much money unless you go further with your education. Yet they're competing for little above minimum wage jobs with a huge debt load.

SHOULD SOMEONE HAVE GIVEN THEM A CLUE? Like , you can do what you want but be aware that there are few jobs out there that you're qualified for that will help you pay off this loan before you need to start saving for a home and retirement? No - we just hand them a magic wand to wave...

You don't have to CRUSH your kids but you owe them a dose of reality...else they may land back on your doorstep when you're trying to retire.



You can't use Education as an example of failure. Too many Kids are going to College just so they don't have to gout and get a real job, and instead become "Professional Students" as long as the Money holds out, and the Courses they choose are not ones they "Wanted" to take, on the trip to their set goal, but are classes that where the easiest to take on their skating trip. A lot of these are products of the Parents pushing their Kids toward school with their own version of what they see as "Reality."


Don't talk about Fine Arts or other Bogus Career Classes, that Kids take to loaf for another few years. As I said, my Heart Surgeon was a Waterman, when he finished high school. He worked on a Boat, in all kinds of weather and a very tough job. He decided one day he wanted to be a Heart Surgeon, because his Father had Heart Problems, and he decided he wanted to help others with these problems. He quit, got a loan, and went to Medical School, becoming on e of the finest Heart Surgeons in the Area. He did this on his own because he "Wanted" to, and not because Mom told him he wasn't capable of being one.


He didn't need anyone giving him a "Clue" as you say one needs. There is nothing "Special" about this man, yet he achieved what he wanted to do because he "Wanted " to do it. because he was gifted, talented, or just plain lucky. So what does that do to your theory?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2016, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Eastern Shore of Maryland
5,941 posts, read 2,497,448 times
Reputation: 5609
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Do you realize that people have been going into major debt for a college education for decades? This isn't anything new! I live in a town with an extremely expensive liberal arts college. Plenty of kids get their degree in philosophy.....somehow they figure out what they want to do in life and figure it out.

And yes you CAN do anything you want if you're willing to work for it. Look at Kate Middleton! She went to college with a purpose and she's a freaking princess now! Misty Copeland was told she was crazy and it would never happen....yeah well it DID happen. She worked her butt off and can tell people you to bugger off. Dream crusher! Sounds like you grew up with soul sucking, dream crushing parents.

So only 24 players have been under 5'9". Those are 24 men who were determined to make it happen. Kudos to them for not listening to dream suckers like you! What should they have done instead? Become history teachers? Sell oxygen tanks? If they're happy, what's it to you?



This
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-03-2016, 09:51 PM
 
468 posts, read 481,076 times
Reputation: 516
I somewhat agree with the OP, though clearly someone has to be old enough to grasp the point in the first place; no, it's not a good idea to, for example, be telling someone who stinks at STEM that they could be a doctor, veterinarian, or the like. I agree wholeheartedly with this principle. Some doors are closed to people due to their natural talents or lack thereof, and could not be surmounted for any amount of simple compensatory elbow grease. Maybe they can have some other career with animals, like dog grooming salon, but vet probably ain't it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2016, 02:40 AM
 
Location: Northern Maine
9,516 posts, read 14,309,880 times
Reputation: 9001
Well, that's the all time record for longest OP, but the question is legitimate. In the 1930s, a local kid left our town with two baked potatoes in his pockets. He returned, a multi-millionaire. It is far more difficult today. In our country, we have 95,000,000 adults not working. Meanwhile, employers cannot find people who actually want to work and can pass a drug test. Our government pays people not to work. They even invite people from foreign countries to come here and we will pay them not to work too.

Our government is broken. Kids in the public school system cannot be anything they want to be today. Home schooled kids can.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2016, 04:48 AM
 
397 posts, read 763,084 times
Reputation: 342
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
HoW does photography keep getting back into that rant?
Look at the username. Probably ticked off because like someone I know, the OP probably knows of someone who just spend $$ on a camera and thinks they are a photographer just because they can click the shutter. All I ever see is photos of the kids in the same poses. No candids, nothing.


The only thing I disagree with in the OP is the thing about women staying home. Unfortunately that is not possible today in most cases. The second income is very necessary.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2016, 05:51 AM
 
Location: Wallingford, CT
1,063 posts, read 1,047,481 times
Reputation: 1218
Dear OP,

Telling a child they can be whatever they want to be is an important lesson in letting them grow up on their own. That means letting them fail a little bit if the thing they want to be is impractical or difficult.

Teach a kid how to learn, not what to learn.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-04-2016, 05:55 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,241,988 times
Reputation: 14654
Stop telling kids what they can and cannot do. Start helping them learn who they are and what they love and care about. Help them learn that problem solving, character and integrity are more important than their choice of living.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top