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Old 01-04-2016, 09:47 PM
 
468 posts, read 482,469 times
Reputation: 516

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennies4Penny View Post
No, sorry. The definition you provided is correct, but you are using it incorrectly. True bullying is REPEATED, FREQUENT abuse (verbal and/or non verbal) from one person (or group) to another.

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/03/12...?referer=&_r=0

What happened in your yard was highly inappropriate and inexcusable, but it was not bullying. And I never defended the boys' actions and I loathe that "boys will be boys" saying because it's an idiotic excuse to allow boys to behave terribly, but a one time situation that got out of hand is not bullying. Maybe these kids are generally good, but in a new neighborhood, with new kids and with the excitement of the nerf gun game (which I agree with whoever said that those things should not be used outside), they just went overboard. They could likely just be brats as well, but you'll probably never know as the mother has shunned them from playing with the other kids. In any case, this means you don't have to worry about them anymore.
I agree. Sometimes kids get giddy and feel their oats, especially in the "new kid" scenario. It's a bit much to decide based upon one interaction that kids are ongoing-pattern bullies.
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Old 01-04-2016, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,599 posts, read 1,274,427 times
Reputation: 4860
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebelson View Post
"Intentional Aggression".....there, does that make y'all feel better? More "POLITICALLY CORRECT"?
Ya think it's not going to happen again? They ride the bus with the 9yo. Ok, so when it happens AGAIN, I will re-post and then label it 'bullying'. Would that be ok?

Does the title make the act any more PALATABLE? Oh, my word.

The mother HAS encouraged them to shun the rest of the street kids. 7, 10, 11yo's, if they are mentally 'normal', tend to 'MOVE ON' from spats. ESPECIALLY 'spats' (saying spats to be nice cuz you know, we all must be nice nice here) that THEY initiated. Not normal for 7-11yo's to harbor anger for WEEKS. Def mother initiated.
Geez lady. It's not about being nice or PC, it's about using and applying proper psychological terms. A one time fight does not equate to bullying. Were those kids acting like little $#!+$, yes, but their behavior does not fit the definition of what a true bully is and considering when this happened and that the mother was able successfully shut them down, because there hasn't been another incident, leads me to further believe they aren't actual bullies. If they were really gunning for that kid, the mother would have little effect on them and more aggressive intervention would have to take place.

She didn't parent them the way you wanted, I don't agree with her telling them to just avoid everyone either (unless there isdl something you are leaving out ), but that's none of your business. They are leaving your boys alone and that is all that matters, so let it go.
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Old 01-05-2016, 07:26 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,732,234 times
Reputation: 40996
For what it's worth OP, I am on your side. If I knew a couple little thugs were shooting nerf bullets at some kid's face over & over, and keeping him from leaving to go home, the parent would have hell to pay, but I would have had to see the act happen.


At this point, you've resolved the situation. Next time you see the little assclowns out in the street, make it a point to go sit on your front porch so they know you are watching. I didn't put up with that kind of crap when I was a parent to smaller kids, and nobody else should either.
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Old 01-05-2016, 07:43 AM
 
5,040 posts, read 4,857,089 times
Reputation: 11744
Some kids get into an argument and OP calls it bullying, what a joke. OP is overboard on this, too sensitive about things, and her expectations are off. All we know is what she posted, we were not in the actual situation, and there is always more involved. But her first sentence is pretty darn revealing in that she starts it with a weird criticism of the Peruvian mom and what she perceives as her ďdon't mess with herĒ posture. If she ainít like me and her kids ainít like mine, and they do things that are foreign, they must be rude bullies. This is exactly the type of attitude and judgmental system that makes Americans look like idiots. How dare this new family move onto YOUR street and then stop talking to you after you so nicely told them how poorly behaved their boys are! Itís such a shame that these overbearingly hostile Peruvian women do this to your unspoiled area. I donít know whatís wrong with that American man but there must be something eh?

OPís first words betray her, which is a bit of an alarm right there. Then the OP calls something like this bullying. Ugh! Talk about knee jerk labeling. People like her are why boys in our society get such a bad rap. People like the OP canít handle real boys and the way they interact and their development. Look! That boy isnít reading!!! He must have ADHD.

This sounds like normal boys interacting Ė it ainít always gonna be good interactions OP...hello? The family is new to the neighborhood. How can you expect those kids to know that the other kid is on the spectrum? Matter of fact, I question even if you actually know that he is or if you are just jumping to overboard conclusions again and just diagnosed him because you are so good at these types of things. I mean if the kid is behaving in a way that seems off with how you think a kid should behave, he must be autistic or something right?

Iím sure OPís belief of the new mothers ďvery toughĒ attitude was revealed in the OPís posture and words as she talked to her about the way that her kids are not fitting into the neighborhood. Man, I am so glad this OP isnít my neighbor. Sheíd completely hate me.

Great job OP...way to make someone feel welcome. Murica!
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Old 01-05-2016, 11:35 AM
Status: ""Undeclared"" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Posting from my space yacht.
6,907 posts, read 2,581,509 times
Reputation: 12897
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
All I got out of that was that you let your kids play outside with nerf guns, and then let them play a shooting game with a bunch of other neighbor kids. We have plenty of toy weapons, but they are never allowed outside. How can you not know that toy guns outside the house lead to bad things?? It's been in the news so many times already. I also don't let my kid play with them with other kids inside the house, because other kids who don't have nerf guns don't always know better than to shoot at the face. The gun thing is your fault, in my opinion. Those guns shouldn't have been out there in the first place.

How can a nerf gun lead to bad things?


I remember as a child all of the kids in our neighborhood would get together and have gun battles with our BB guns. You want to talk about leading to bad things? lol I still have a few scars from that. I remember riding my bike down the hill and a neighbor kid snipered me from his bedroom window and shot me right in the arm. Lost control of my bike and crashed in to a tree. Everyone had a real good laugh over that one. Well, except me. I got him good a few weeks later though and ruined one of his new shirts.

I'm not condoning BB gun fights by the way. I'm just saying that there's not much to worry about with nerf guns, and kids are tougher than you think. Not to mention resilient.
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Old 01-05-2016, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
13,076 posts, read 7,231,955 times
Reputation: 50096
I wonder if the boys would have worked it our among themselves and would have forgotten about it in ten minutes? I had these three crazy brothers with me all the time that lived across the street. The eldest was very brutal and often violent with his brothers and a neighbor boy who was an only child and with us as well. His mother observed him being brutal to this only child one day and came out of the house to put a stop to it. He was made to apologize to the boy and sent home to watch the rest of us play from his living room window. Did it stop his brutal behavior? Nope. He finally out grew it and is a fine young man in college now. The boys mother is only hearing your side of the story and you didn't see the whole incident. I would have talked to the boys directly and told them that they had to be nice or go home. I would not have involved the mother. Boys are very brutal little beings and they have a way of getting it out of their systems and being friends again minutes later. They do find a way to deal with bullies and rarely need mommy to fight their battles. The sad thing about it is that the parents stay mad long after the boys have forgotten about it.

Boys playing with boys are going to get hurt. It's just the way it is. What you perceive as bullying may very well just be normal play and telling their mother that her little angels are monsters, especially when they're new to the neighborhood, is a hard thing to hear. You may have been kind about it, but I wonder if her mind, she perceived a different tone?

The damage is done between you now and there may be no going back. The boys will find a way to work out their problems between them, unless the boys are total sociopath monsters. Then you're better off having them stay on their side of the street.

PS: My icky rough and tumble boys that were always with me are wonderful young men now. It's always a treat when they take time out of their busy little lives to come and see me. All of those fights are now a distant memory, well except for the time the eldest boy threw his little brother into the piano in front of me. Yikes. I'm sure they've all forgotten all about that one though.
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Old 01-05-2016, 12:09 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,870 posts, read 18,976,800 times
Reputation: 25152
I think you've done what you could about the situation. Now you should just keep your kids away from hers, and stop making overtures of friendship to the mother...no more candy apples for the holidays or things like that. Maybe the boys will work it out on their own.

Some kids just play rougher than others. One time a boy down the street asked my daughter to play nerf swords with him. My daughter's nerf sword was squishy like a pool noodle, but it turned out that his nerf sword was a heavy piece of plastic with a thin nerf coating, so he left big bruises on my daughter and I had to intervene. She never played with that kid again. He comes by on Halloween and thinks that they're great friends, but any time he asks her to hang out, she tells him she's busy. I've actually heard her use the hair washing excuse on him I don't think he has any clue that he beat her up rather badly, he just has brothers and plays rougher than my kids do.
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Old 01-05-2016, 12:37 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,524,223 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
I wonder if the boys would have worked it our among themselves and would have forgotten about it in ten minutes? I had these three crazy brothers with me all the time that lived across the street. The eldest was very brutal and often violent with his brothers and a neighbor boy who was an only child and with us as well. His mother observed him being brutal to this only child one day and came out of the house to put a stop to it. He was made to apologize to the boy and sent home to watch the rest of us play from his living room window. Did it stop his brutal behavior? Nope. He finally out grew it and is a fine young man in college now. The boys mother is only hearing your side of the story and you didn't see the whole incident. I would have talked to the boys directly and told them that they had to be nice or go home. I would not have involved the mother. Boys are very brutal little beings and they have a way of getting it out of their systems and being friends again minutes later. They do find a way to deal with bullies and rarely need mommy to fight their battles. The sad thing about it is that the parents stay mad long after the boys have forgotten about it.

Boys playing with boys are going to get hurt. It's just the way it is. What you perceive as bullying may very well just be normal play and telling their mother that her little angels are monsters, especially when they're new to the neighborhood, is a hard thing to hear. You may have been kind about it, but I wonder if her mind, she perceived a different tone?

The damage is done between you now and there may be no going back. The boys will find a way to work out their problems between them, unless the boys are total sociopath monsters. Then you're better off having them stay on their side of the street.

PS: My icky rough and tumble boys that were always with me are wonderful young men now. It's always a treat when they take time out of their busy little lives to come and see me. All of those fights are now a distant memory, well except for the time the eldest boy threw his little brother into the piano in front of me. Yikes. I'm sure they've all forgotten all about that one though.
I remember playing outside was pretty Lord of the Flies-ish too. We would fight and then make up. One incident isn't really a case of bullying. I think the worst issues were boys being able to physically assault girls...I don't let my boys play physically with girls.
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Old 01-05-2016, 02:28 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,056,196 times
Reputation: 42372
It's interesting how you describe your sons' part in this with such forgiving language, despite only witnessing a little bit of what happened. One of your kids grabbed the neighbor by his hoodie, but that is so unlike him and the other kid's fault anyway. The other kid is a bully ... not yours, of course. It sounds like all of them were getting pretty rowdy. I use the Mommy Voice, which I bet is very like Dew's Goddess of Death Voice and will stop grown men in their tracks. I also never allow Nerf bullets outside.

I see you are ruffled that the boys didn't come by to apologize to yours. Were you planning to bring your son over there to apologize for yanking that kid by his hoodie? When was that going to happen?
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Old 01-05-2016, 03:20 PM
 
2,488 posts, read 1,737,545 times
Reputation: 4257
Our "neighborhood" consisted of two streets, with an alley in between. Across that alley was "their territory". They called themselves "The Moovee-cha-chas." We referred to them as "the bad boys." We were the "quiet," more scholastically - involved kids (although not all of us were sharp knives...we were just "good") living on a block where girls AND some boys even, played Barbies if we felt like it. (big effin' deal and this was 50+ yrs ago).


You never walked down the far end of that alley or walked down that street lest you get the sheet punched out of you - for no reason, of course (at the age of 3, one of those "bad boys" same age as me, emerged from behind the garage and clobbered me over the head with a big rubber lamb - I still remember the squeak it made). I was dumbfounded.


And if you were at the playground (neutral territory, sorta like Austria), and 2 or more of them showed up - you got the hell otta there, like now! I used think of that alley as the "iron curtain."


Quite young, we learned where to go, where to not go, and who to keep an eye out for (they would on rare occasions, do raids, usually from the alley). Ah, it made life interesting in an otherwise dull neighborhood.

Last edited by TwinbrookNine; 01-05-2016 at 04:01 PM..
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