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Old 02-05-2008, 04:02 PM
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 5,686,058 times
Reputation: 2587


No one has selfishness cornered. Some people choose to have kids for very selfish reasons. At the same time some people choose NOT to have kids for selfish reasons. It depends on the people. It really amazes me that anyone can make blanket generalizations about a segment of society.

Old 02-05-2008, 06:17 PM
Location: Fairfax County, VA
43 posts, read 118,389 times
Reputation: 16
It's not selfish to have kids, it's not selfish to not have kids. It's the BIG picture. You can't just make a generalized statement.

I am 31 and not ready for children. Does that make me selfish? Some will say yes, but I don't think so. I feel it is more responsible to pay down student loans, save for college educations, and build my marriage. For me, being ready emotionally and financially is the most responsible thing I could do!
Old 02-05-2008, 06:19 PM
1,363 posts, read 5,341,822 times
Reputation: 848
Originally Posted by jillz View Post

HAHA!!! They were actually the wives of some of my husband's co-workers, but I'm very friendly with them!!
I'll say this with the disclaimer that I love my daughter to death, but I think that people who do this tend to speak on the side of Misery Loves Company. LOL. My BIL was great for telling us how we had to have kids, our lives wouldn't count until we had kids, blah blah blah. All of this being said right after he got done yelling at my nephews for something. LOL. What about THAT was supposed to entice me. LMAO!! You enjoy your kid free life and have those great vacation photos in your purse for when they start getting on your case again. I don't think you've made a selfish decision at all!
Old 02-05-2008, 10:33 PM
3,107 posts, read 8,030,631 times
Reputation: 2248
Originally Posted by jennabugs View Post
It's not selfish to have kids, it's not selfish to not have kids. It's the BIG picture. You can't just make a generalized statement.
*nodding in agreement*
Old 02-06-2008, 06:42 AM
Location: Dallas, NC
1,703 posts, read 3,452,143 times
Reputation: 807
Having children is a personal decision. I would never think that anyone was selfish for their choices. There are plenty of people in this world who could do with a lesson on birth control and using it b/c they shouldn't have children and do it any way. We only get one life and we have to live it in the way that makes us happy. If having children makes you happy, that's great. If not having children makes you happy, that's great too. We can all exist together regardless of our child bearing status. To say anything else is ridiculous. I wouldn't want to be around people like that.
Old 02-06-2008, 06:48 AM
28,906 posts, read 45,202,743 times
Reputation: 45815
I agree with you. Not having a child is a completely legitimate and does not deserve scrutiny of friends, neighbors, relatives, or acquaintances.

However, there's one thought I would offer up: You mention people being ready to have a child. I just have never met anybody who was ready for the challenges of parenthood. It is very much a learn-as-you-go experience, and no amount of books or advice will change that.
Old 02-06-2008, 06:48 AM
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,030,974 times
Reputation: 6654
I belong to another forum where there is a strong Child Free section and they speak about getting this kind of reaction ALOT.

I think its incredibly presumptious to make judgements about how someone chooses to live their life on a topic like this.
Old 02-06-2008, 06:50 AM
Location: PA-- and proud!
82 posts, read 173,129 times
Reputation: 83
We're all selfish to a certain extent. I'll be the first to admit that I don't want kids because I'm selfish. But part of recognizing I'm selfish is worrying about what kind of parent I would be, which is putting the hypothetical child first. All the parents I know had kids because they wanted them, which is selfish. But the daily act of being a parent is most often selfless.

What's so wrong with being selfish? To have or not to have a child is a huge decision. Shouldn't we put our interests first? Do we really want a world filled with children born to mothers who weren't interested in having them? Or women who would make fantastic mothers not having them because they're afraid of being selfish?

Be selfish. You have my permission.
Old 02-06-2008, 09:33 AM
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 16,804,910 times
Reputation: 12316
Originally Posted by monkeygorilla View Post
I think in some cases, its more selfish to have a child if you/ your partner are not ready yet. And some people never will be. I think its very mature to recognize that a child might not be ready for you, rather than to have one because of family/peer pressure. How is making that choice selfish?

I was out to dinner with some friends and they were going on & on about how selfish women are who chose to not have children. It made me really angry...

By the way, I just found this found this forum today & am so excited I did!!
I really hate when people make women feel like that because they don't want kids. I don't think it's selfish to have kids or to decide not to have them. If someone knows that they don't want kids why in the world is that selfish?? I'm sorry to hear women are treated this way.
Old 02-06-2008, 10:39 AM
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,014 posts, read 20,509,618 times
Reputation: 20369
I think that people who do this tend to speak on the side of Misery Loves Company
Thats exactly what I was thinking. A woman I work with was upset because her sister told her she was selfish for not having kids. I told her she wasnt selfish, just smarter than her sister.
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