What really gets me is when people say that women who don't want kids are "selfish". (pregnant, game)

[KristyLiz]

Originally Posted by brightdoglover

Actually, it is taking off, at least among people in urban areas with more education.

Kind of like recycling?

[bibit612]

A Child-free discussion in the Parenting thread...Hmmm...isn't this an oxymoron?

[Huckleberry3911948]

on being single & childless
single childless < selfish
accountability> married/kids
pain and suffering< married/kids
big empty> married/kids

[kristin1]

I don't think it's at all selfish to chose not to have children. You are contributing to population control and saving some of the earth's resources. I am a parent and I do not think parenting is for everyone.

What is selfish? Someone who has a child because they feel the need to "check the block". It is so easy for everyone to judge other's choices, and I try really hard not to, but I cannot get over the following situation:

I have neighbors who are both bankers - they have a live-in nanny and are NEVER home with their children. The kids are in their nanny's care 6 days a week, from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed. The nanny does all the childcare, gooking, cleaning, and shopping for the family. They only hire illegals because they pay so little and demand so much time. They are on their 14th nanny in 4 years, because it is such an exhausting job to do alone (I'm sure single parents would agree). Who wants to do that much work for someone elses child? They use their vacation to go away together WITHOUT their kids. Nice, given how little they see of their kids. I am a working mom, but I feel terrible for these children.

I also know some mothers who have kids, and keep having them, so their husbands won't insist on them going back to work. That's selfish!

So no, I don't think chosing not to have kids is selfish at all.

[KristyLiz]

Originally Posted by Bunky39

on being single & childless
single childless < selfish
accountability> married/kids
pain and suffering< married/kids
big empty> married/kids

[Prettygyrl777]

It's agreed- parenting isn't for everyone. There are entire occupations based on that fact (i.e. social services).

But I want to back up a minute before things became 'too defensive'. The point that some people here are trying to make is the idea that it seems 'ok' for people to question why a person is childless but can you ever imagine someone walking up to you and your family and feeling as if they have the right to ask 'why the hell did ya have kids'? That doesnt happen. Ever.

[mommabear2]

Originally Posted by Sampaguita

I personally find it interesting knowing far more people in real life that are CF and critical of people who have children/desire to have children than the other way around. It's not all our CF acquaintances/friends but there are a good number that are actually quite ept at making snide & sarcastic comments to us about procreating or being parents. I guess that's where I have to question "why so nasty?".

You nailed it. +1. This is my reality as well. I can't tell you how many CF's (on this forum and in my life) that have made rude/nasty comments about the pointlessness of parenting/parents/children. Not to mention the impatient looks, the sighs, the unnecessary judgement...

So Prettygyrl777, it does happen to parents - more often than you'd think because we are easily identified.

[mommabear2]

Originally Posted by silverwing

A CF forum where parents have access wouldn't work. Been tried - went down in flames. Why? You stated it yourself:

A CF forum, by its own definition, has to be a place where we can vent, sometimes vociferously, raucously and with much atrocious language. It's not easy being CF in a world that is so child/family centered. And you know what? And we like having a place where we can SAY that without a comment like yours. When parents are allowed their input (in a forum like this, I don't see how they could be kept out), they invariably become what we call "yabbuters": "yeah but my child doesn't act like that, so not all children are that bad" "yeah but, you just don't understand children ... ", and so on and on.

Is it necessary to bash on parenting? WHY? Can't the CF views be expressed without slamming on someone else's choices? "Yabbuters?" You don't like it when people generalize/judge you yet... you're calling parents on this forum "yabbuters?" If that's not hypocritical I don't know what is... But maybe I'm misreading your post. If there were a CF Forum I can assure you I would stay out of it - I can do without reading how much some people are disgusted by my lifestyle.

Originally Posted by silverwing

Sometimes .. scratch that .. MANY TIMES, we CFs don't think parenting is all that great a thing.

I don't think being a CF sounds all that great to me either but who cares? I'm happy with my lifestyle and I don't care about what other people think about it... CF's shouldn't care either. That's the key. Stop caring about what society thinks and do what makes you happy. The end.

[Briolat21]

Let's be honest. There are a LOT of rude people. A LOT. There are childfree rude people. There are parent rude people. There are people who appear to be childfree when they sneer at a child running around SEEMINGLY out of control - but perhaps those people have grown children or their children are with a babysitter for the night. There are people who have kids and are well meaning but the "So when are you two going to have kids??" gets old after you've been married 10 years and have no intention of EVER having kids. There are childfree people who are so defensive of their position that they have to be aggressive towards everyone else first to keep from being hurt.

Everyone is/can be rude. We don't need to put labels on people as to which group of people they belong to so we can blame it on that.

by the way - I am childfree at the moment, married almost 8 years, and we think that we may try to have a child some day before I am 40. Categorize me anyway you want.

[bibit612]

I know this may be a little off-topic, but is this a new word "child-free"? How is it different from "child-less"? Does the word child-free connote the state being one by choice? I just realized that words with "free" in it that come to my mind somehow relates to something negative...fat-free, salt-free, cancer-free, etc. somehow implying that the "child" part is uh bad? Not trying to add anymore controversy on this thread...just really curious.