What really gets me is when people say that women who don't want kids are "selfish". (orphan, children)

[b75]

I think it is selfish when people deliberately plan to have children when the situation is really not up to par either financially or emotionally, simply b/c it is what they want.

[southdown]

Originally Posted by jillz

ChildLESS gives the impression we are missing something and that there is no child because we couldn't have them.

ChildFREE means that we don't want them and made the choice not to have them

We all become ChildFREE once they grow up

But if we didn't have them we'd also be;

Adult (son/daughter) FREE,
GrandchildFREE,
and eventually, FamilyFREE

[brokencrayola]

Originally Posted by southdown

We all become ChildFREE once they grow up

But if we didn't have them we'd also be;

Adult (son/daughter) FREE,
GrandchildFREE,
and eventually, FamilyFREE

Once you have children you are never childfree. It doesn't matter how old they are or where they live, they are always your children and you always feel that connection.

[jenn02674]

I haven't read this whole thread but the subject strikes me as a problem in our society, well it has probably been a problem for a long time. Human nature, I guess.

Why, oh why, do people have to get defensive, jealous, whatever when someone else makes a decision that they themselves wouldn't make such as whether or not to have kids? I think the political arena is getting to me. You can't be democrat without "hating" republicans and vice versa. It really is going to be our downfall.

[orrmobl]

It is selfish, as in, allows you to devote time to caring for yourself and doing things you enjoy doing.

By that same token, some people have kids for selfish reasons and remain selfish, to the detriment of the kids and society.

And some selfishly refuse to take responsibility for birth control, again negatively impacting society.

And lastly some selfishly want to live forever and feel that by reproducing they can do so in some small way...whether or not their kids are messed up depends on how selfish the parents are in other areas.

Kids make me happy so I'm a tad selfish in having them as it satisfies something in me as well...of course I selflessly raise them so its a win-win in my book.

Selfish is an adjective that does not have to have a negative connotation.

Moderator cut: unnecessary

[southdown]

Originally Posted by brokencrayola

Once you have children you are never childfree. It doesn't matter how old they are or where they live, they are always your children and you always feel that connection.

Of course, as you say, they are always 'your child' no matter what their age.

I was kind of joking by saying that once they grow up we are all 'childfree' - I guess I was slightly laughing at the word....

The defenders of 'childfreedom' don't seem to realise that... kids grow up! They only seem to mention the relatively short period of time when children are a burden, needing constant care - they never mention that (for example) when they are elderly they won't want to have a 35-year-old son who helps out with cutting the lawn!

My more serious point is that those who are so anxious to defend their choice not to have kids (which BTW is fine by me, you do what you want) is that they seem to focus on the babyhood and childhood so much, and how that stage would inconvenience and detract from their goals in life.

Children will not be children for long and most people who have children do go on and have a full life around their kids, and gradually re-expand their life as the kids grow up and need them less.

If you really don't want kids then great, wonderful, off you go - do your own thing!

But don't be short-sighted and forget that a few years' partial sacrifice of your freedom may well bring more valuable and far, far longer-term achievements, satisfaction and sheer pleasure....

[orrmobl]

Yeah but the flip side is that those people will have a boatload more disposable income - look at gay couples who don't have kids, they're stinkin rich...so the childless by choice people can hire an entire infrastructure to support them in their old age.

It's sad to die alone though, that's one thing they can't fix with money and one thing I don't think I could bear...

[charolastra00]

How many parents die alone? Plenty. Just look in a nursing home. If you have children because you have a deluded thought that they will be with you through your old age, you're the selfish one.

[jillz]

Moderator cut: orphaned

And you came to this conclusion how? Just because some people don't want kids doesn't mean they are screwed up. Now maybe some chose not to have kids because they DO have some sort of genetic illness or other issue but many don't have them 'cause they just don't wanna. It isn't as black and white as you are suggesting. Your comment is quite rude. Yes, I am childfree by the way.

J

[wannabeaTexan]

Originally Posted by charolastra00

How many parents die alone? Plenty. Just look in a nursing home. If you have children because you have a deluded thought that they will be with you through your old age, you're the selfish one.

You have a point, but if you raise them right, why would they let you die alone? I would never let my parents die alone.