What really gets me is when people say that women who don't want kids are "selfish". (baby, support)

[monkeygorilla]

I think in some cases, its more selfish to have a child if you/ your partner are not ready yet. And some people never will be. I think its very mature to recognize that a child might not be ready for you, rather than to have one because of family/peer pressure. How is making that choice selfish?

I was out to dinner with some friends and they were going on & on about how selfish women are who chose to not have children. It made me really angry...

By the way, I just found this found this forum today & am so excited I did!!

[corel]

I agree, it is more selfish for someone who doesn't want a child to have one. Being a mother is all about giving, giving of ones time, energy, sleep, money, peace of mind, etc.... And if someone has decided or realized that they are unable or unwilling to give that, I support them in their decision to not have children. No one is in any position to judge.

[jillz]

[quote=monkeygorilla;2734098]I think in some cases, its more selfish to have a child if you/ your partner are not ready yet. And some people never will be. I think its very mature to recognize that a child might not be ready for you, rather than to have one because of family/peer pressure. How is making that choice selfish?

VERY true!

I was out to dinner with some friends and they were going on & on about how selfish women are who chose to not have children. It made me really angry...

Were these friends men or women? I know I wouldn't/couldn't be friends with these people. Sounds like they are awful and extraordinarily opinionated and uneducated. FREE YOURSELF FROM THESE PEOPLE! Just jokin', they might have some redeamable qualities .

[nic529]

I absolutely agree. I had a friend of mine struggling with this decision for a long time. And she flat out asked me if I thought she was a bad person for not wanting kids. I told her no - of course not. Some people want them and others don't. Some people would rather have the coach purses and $150 jeans etc. It doesnt make them bad. I told her to stop thinking about it. If she decides she wants them she can.

Now - its been 3 years. She had her first baby a year ago, and can't wait for the next - they are already planning!

[irvm]

Originally Posted by monkeygorilla

I think in some cases, its more selfish to have a child if you/ your partner are not ready yet. And some people never will be.

Nothing at all selfish about that decision. I don't notice a severe lack of new human beings anywhere lately, so not adding to the pile isn't selfish. Having several kids, however, might well be a selfish act, since they are going to use up resources of all kinds for the next 60-100 years. Those kids born to people who are 'not ready' tend to have an even greater negative impact on society.

[Preaching2thechoir]

Originally Posted by monkeygorilla

I think in some cases, its more selfish to have a child if you/ your partner are not ready yet. And some people never will be. I think its very mature to recognize that a child might not be ready for you, rather than to have one because of family/peer pressure. How is making that choice selfish?

I was out to dinner with some friends and they were going on & on about how selfish women are who chose to not have children. It made me really angry...

By the way, I just found this found this forum today & am so excited I did!!

ITA with you. Women who realize they don't want kids and don't have them merely to fulfill someone else's desire are IMHO far more selfLESS than a woman who has children to please someone else by bowing to the pressures of fulfilling someone else's dream.

At the end of the day, the sacrifice is great, and the choice is yours, since you are the one who will bare the majority of the responsibility.

Don't bow to the pressures of anyone and most importantly be true to yourself, because it is a lifetime commitment.

All the best to you!

[monkeygorilla]

[quote=jillz;2734304][i]

Originally Posted by monkeygorilla

Were these friends men or women? I know I wouldn't/couldn't be friends with these people. Sounds like they are awful and extraordinarily opinionated and uneducated. FREE YOURSELF FROM THESE PEOPLE! Just jokin', they might have some redeamable qualities .

HAHA!!! They were actually the wives of some of my husband's co-workers, but I'm very friendly with them!!

[jillz]

[quote=monkeygorilla;2734495]

Originally Posted by jillz

[i]

HAHA!!! They were actually the wives of some of my husband's co-workers, but I'm very friendly with them!!

Thanks for answering. Sounds like they may be a bit bitter that they cannot make the awesome choice of being childfree! Women that bag on other women like that are suspect....I say, rock on with your choice and don't begrudge me mine.

J

[summers19]

Geez, so women who don't want kids are selfish? What about men who don't want kids? What did your friends say about that? Interesting how sexist some people can be. I don't think women who don't want kids are selfish. Everyone has different interests, talents, etc. and to expect all women to act the same way and choose the same path in life is uneducated and actually pretty scary.

[Secret Samadhi]

Originally Posted by monkeygorilla

I think in some cases, its more selfish to have a child if you/ your partner are not ready yet. And some people never will be. I think its very mature to recognize that a child might not be ready for you, rather than to have one because of family/peer pressure. How is making that choice selfish?

ITA with you. I'm still trying to figure out how one could be selfish in regards to a non-existent being. I guess some may feel that child-free people are selfish for not contributing to populating the world?