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Old 01-08-2016, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,142 posts, read 22,118,386 times
Reputation: 35548

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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Sure...but you have to get creative. I would never allow kids to do MY laundry! But all the kids laundry could have been combined with the older kid(s) taking turns...don't let efficiencies that really don't save that much prevent YOU from saving time and teaching skills.
Both kids are now fully functional adults, laundry included. They knew HOW to do laundry; I preferred to handle that task myself most of the time for the reasons I stated. There were plenty of other ways they helped around the house.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Once they learn how to do laundry, they really don't have to practice it every week to prepare for adulthood. We host exchange students, and most of them had never operated a washing machine before coming here. After a lesson and walking them through it a couple of times, they were able to handle their laundry with no problem after that. Learning how to do laundry is really not a skill that needs to be practiced for years and years. (I actually do my students' laundry most of the time now anyway; I show them how to do it and make sure they can do it a few times, then I just take it over unless I'm too busy. I'm here all day long and there's really no reason for me to refuse to do anyone else's laundry.)
Exactly.
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Old 01-08-2016, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,169 posts, read 2,899,891 times
Reputation: 3529
I don't think the problem is so much that the child won't be able to figure out how to do it if they aren't responsible for chores when younger. The problem becomes that they won't WANT to do it and will expect others around them to do it for them. Not saying every child will be like that but some. I don't want my kids to rely on someone else to do something that they CAN do for themselves. I don't want them to be lazy (who does though?) They need to learn to give and take.

I talk to my kids every now and again about what they want to be when they grow up. My daughter has always said teacher. For awhile, my son used to say nothing. I want to live at home after graduation. That has changed into cop, spy and federal agent. Maybe it's the making him do a few things on his own that's changed his mind or maybe it just comes with age.....
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Old 01-08-2016, 10:04 AM
 
747 posts, read 380,478 times
Reputation: 623
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
I don't think the problem is so much that the child won't be able to figure out how to do it if they aren't responsible for chores when younger. The problem becomes that they won't WANT to do it and will expect others around them to do it for them. .
That's a little how my brother was....the way I remember it, Mom didn't expect him to help out around the house that much, and around the time he was entering his 20s, she seemed unable to figure out why he wasn't eager to pitch in. (Fortunately, he's long since outgrown that, and is willing to come over and help with stuff)
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Old 01-08-2016, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,084 posts, read 3,066,094 times
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Well most people don't really want to do laundry and wash dishes, LOL. I know I don't. But if I don't do it, then I won't have clean clothes/dishes. Life has a way of creating natural consequences for adults. Seriously, this is just not an issue. If worst comes to worst and my adult children hire someone to do their laundry for them... then I guess they're doing something right if they can afford it, right?
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Old 01-08-2016, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,169 posts, read 2,899,891 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Well most people don't really want to do laundry and wash dishes, LOL. I know I don't. But if I don't do it, then I won't have clean clothes/dishes. Life has a way of creating natural consequences for adults. Seriously, this is just not an issue. If worst comes to worst and my adult children hire someone to do their laundry for them... then I guess they're doing something right if they can afford it, right?
It's not an issue for you and that's ok. Differing opinions, thoughts and ideas is what makes the world go around.
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Old 01-08-2016, 11:27 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,233,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Well most people don't really want to do laundry and wash dishes, LOL. I know I don't. But if I don't do it, then I won't have clean clothes/dishes. Life has a way of creating natural consequences for adults. Seriously, this is just not an issue. If worst comes to worst and my adult children hire someone to do their laundry for them... then I guess they're doing something right if they can afford it, right?
Let's say, for argument, that they CAN'T afford it. Worse, what if they are in difficult financial times. Who needs the added stress of being clueless about housekeeping. Anyway, small point. I don't think it is necessary to have negative feelings about chores that need to be done. I don't mind doing them. Not because they are the rocking best time on the planet. But because, as you say, it needs to get done. Might as well listen to a good book on tape or some music.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:03 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,498,767 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Well most people don't really want to do laundry and wash dishes, LOL. I know I don't. But if I don't do it, then I won't have clean clothes/dishes. Life has a way of creating natural consequences for adults. Seriously, this is just not an issue. If worst comes to worst and my adult children hire someone to do their laundry for them... then I guess they're doing something right if they can afford it, right?
Totally agree with this.

And also this isn't a 1+2=3 situation. Just because your parents over help you as a child, doesn't mean they won't be fully functional adults. And just because your parents make you do lots of stuff, doesn't mean you will be a great housekeeper, not lazy, etc. Its just an over simplistic way to think...and shows a lot of insecurity, IMO, in your parenting to think something like this will create a functional adult.

On the other hand, over doing for your kids can cripple them. They need to feel like they can do things to grow their self confidence. I sometimes struggle with it with my son. He is 10 and quite small for his age (he also has motor delays). It isn't always easy to judge. We all just do our best. It makes no sense to sit around and question other people's parenting.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,379 posts, read 7,135,232 times
Reputation: 31113
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Once they learn how to do laundry, they really don't have to practice it every week to prepare for adulthood. We host exchange students, and most of them had never operated a washing machine before coming here. After a lesson and walking them through it a couple of times, they were able to handle their laundry with no problem after that. Learning how to do laundry is really not a skill that needs to be practiced for years and years. (I actually do my students' laundry most of the time now anyway; I show them how to do it and make sure they can do it a few times, then I just take it over unless I'm too busy. I'm here all day long and there's really no reason for me to refuse to do anyone else's laundry.)
Haha - it's more than a matter of learning...your case is special if you have time to do all the laundry. But that's not really the point for most parents. Kids can pull more of their weight in the family, why would a parent feel guilty that they delegate and concentrate on the things ONLY they can do?
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:43 PM
 
Location: NJ
502 posts, read 678,132 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I was sort of hoping to hear from people who do do a lot of stuff for their kids. I know someone who makes breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner for her kids (7 and 12) every day. She does all the laundry, cleaning... She works outside of the home, and still does everything for the kids. Kids in elementary with no responsibilities in the home at all. I did not know her well enough to ask her what the rationale behind it was.
My mom did for me and still does for my little sister. She did all the laundry, cleaning, cooking (3-4 dishes plus a soup every night, dinner was always ready by 6:30pm), grocery, etc. Before high school, I would come home for lunch and it would be ready on the table for me. In high school, I purchased lunch at school. She packs my sister's lunch every day and peels/cores an apple for her as snack. My sister is going to college next year.

In Chinese culture, it's common for the parents to hold the view that certain things aren't worth the time, as in, go study and put your effort in that; if you are a good student and find a good job, it's ok if you don't know how to vacuum, you can hire a cleaning lady. Many chores that I think American families expect of their kids are considered wasting time in the culture and in fact, most of my friends/coworkers were always discouraged from the examples in your "doing things for themselves." A lot of us turned out fine--I always knew how to cook, clean, shop, etc. and was not averse to learning what I didn't know. Others just have "lower standards" --my mom always worries my sister will burn the house down and my husband went through college with gross clothes because he didn't do laundry correctly. He was surprised to learn that if you stuff everything you own into the washer, nothing gets clean. The first time I did his laundry, he was like whoa, my sweaters feel different, so ... dry! But it's ok... it's not like these people starve to death. My mom always said, those who can't do, marry one who can. Or, make enough money to order out and hire a maid.
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Old 01-08-2016, 12:56 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,233,571 times
Reputation: 14654
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPiggleWiggle View Post
My mom did for me and still does for my little sister. She did all the laundry, cleaning, cooking (3-4 dishes plus a soup every night, dinner was always ready by 6:30pm), grocery, etc. Before high school, I would come home for lunch and it would be ready on the table for me. In high school, I purchased lunch at school. She packs my sister's lunch every day and peels/cores an apple for her as snack. My sister is going to college next year.

In Chinese culture, it's common for the parents to hold the view that certain things aren't worth the time, as in, go study and put your effort in that; if you are a good student and find a good job, it's ok if you don't know how to vacuum, you can hire a cleaning lady. Many chores that I think American families expect of their kids are considered wasting time in the culture and in fact, most of my friends/coworkers were always discouraged from the examples in your "doing things for themselves." A lot of us turned out fine--I always knew how to cook, clean, shop, etc. and was not averse to learning what I didn't know. Others just have "lower standards" --my mom always worries my sister will burn the house down and my husband went through college with gross clothes because he didn't do laundry correctly. He was surprised to learn that if you stuff everything you own into the washer, nothing gets clean. The first time I did his laundry, he was like whoa, my sweaters feel different, so ... dry! But it's ok... it's not like these people starve to death. My mom always said, those who can't do, marry one who can. Or, make enough money to order out and hire a maid.
Cool! Do you live in China? If not, do you and your family find it easy to find others who share the same values? I think that might be necessary to make it work. Not sure though.
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