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Old 01-08-2016, 09:12 PM
 
293 posts, read 307,789 times
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Short answer- yes, it helps. But only you know your parents and how close y'all are. Chances are, though, if they're normal, they'll want to be around grandkids. Some of these opinions about them just wanting "their own lives" and not wanting y'all around a fair amount are usually about as unrealistic as expecting them to be a free full time day care. The truth probably lies between.

One bit of advice- maybe hold off on a permanent decision until you have kids if possible. Or err on the side of living closer if you do decide. I've seen people make a more permanent decision before having kids and wish they lived closer after having them (multiple times).

It doesn't have to be clear lake city, but there ought to be somewhere good in east pearland or friendswood, esp in that price range. How much worse can it be driving to the med center from there than on the cluster that is 288 anyway. Either way is no picnic. Just a thought.
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Old 01-08-2016, 09:15 PM
 
Location: Maryland
912 posts, read 592,800 times
Reputation: 1078
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imgnutopia View Post
My parents live in Clear Lake and fiancee and I both work in the Texas Medical Center. I honestly want to live closer to the city or in Pearland with a housing budget of 350k; but the idea of my parents being a short drive away to take care of kids does make things convenient. Plus it'll save on childcare for a couple years.

Does living a short distance away from parents once you have kids that much more convenient? Kids are coming in about 2 years if everything is smooth.
This is hard to say. I'd have the kids then see how helpful they are. You might be surprised, one way or the other. Or it might be help you end up not wanting. lol You can always hire help, so I'd see how things unfold before moving for kids you don't have yet.

FWIW, I'm a new mom. My son will 2yo next month. I moved to be closer to family (we were on opposite coasts) but I moved more to get my son away from his abusive father (per Child Services). Having family close is a help, but I was surprised how little my father knew about children and so I don't trust him to watch my son alone. That's something I hadn't seen coming. Then, my cousin who I thought would help ended up having a baby 2 weeks before I did so she's had her hands full. Bottom line, you can't predict what others will do or how good they'll be at it. I'd give them a test run before moving.
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Old 01-08-2016, 09:33 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,863 posts, read 18,902,231 times
Reputation: 25113
You don't know how much help your parents will be. I lived ten minutes from my parents and inlaws for a long time. My inlaws never babysat and I wouldn't have wanted them to. My mom watched my oldest daughter once when she was three years old, for several hours. She called me every twenty minutes saying I'd been gone at least six hours and when was I coming back? That was it for babysitting.

I moved further out so that it takes 45 minutes to get to my parents or mother in law. Not to get away from them, but because that's where we could afford a house that looked the way we wanted it to.

Now, six years after my move, my dad has dementia and is in diapers and my mom wants me to babysit all the time. I wish I had moved 1,000 miles away from them.
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Old 01-08-2016, 10:49 PM
 
9,283 posts, read 5,788,929 times
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"Is living close to your parents important when having a kid?"

My kids have a special bond with their grandparents that I don't think would have been achieved if we hadn't lived close by. Their house was the go to place for refuge, reading stories, baking cookies, all the good stuff. The babysitting was nice too, I always knew they were safe over there. It just depends on your situation, it worked out well for all of us.
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Old 01-08-2016, 11:13 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,597 posts, read 9,429,065 times
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I'm not even remotely religious but there is this: "(wo)man makes plans and God laughs". No one should make plans that involve the active cooperation of another adult more than about 30 days into the future.
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Old 01-09-2016, 03:11 AM
 
33,050 posts, read 12,514,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
You don't know how much help your parents will be. I lived ten minutes from my parents and inlaws for a long time. My inlaws never babysat and I wouldn't have wanted them to. My mom watched my oldest daughter once when she was three years old, for several hours. She called me every twenty minutes saying I'd been gone at least six hours and when was I coming back? That was it for babysitting.

I moved further out so that it takes 45 minutes to get to my parents or mother in law. Not to get away from them, but because that's where we could afford a house that looked the way we wanted it to.

Now, six years after my move, my dad has dementia and is in diapers and my mom wants me to babysit all the time. I wish I had moved 1,000 miles away from them.

We never left our children alone with any of their grandparents. None of our parents were that interested and we wouldn't have felt at ease.

Sibling and spouse moved close to parents when their children were young. After a couple of unfortunate experiences, they no longer left the children in their care.

The extent of their cognitive decline meant keeping up with little ones was simply beyond their abilities.

By the time the nieces and nephew were in school, the folks were calling constantly for help with chores, transportation to medical appointments, etc.

If you have parents who are with it, supportive, willing and able to help with the kids - hallelujah!

But many simply are not.

Which doesn't mean that moving closer is not a good idea. It will save wear and tear on you when they need help.
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Old 01-09-2016, 04:55 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,137 posts, read 3,642,102 times
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I am going to be a grandmother soon and my son and DIL are going to be building beside us. I think it's going to be awesome to have my grandchild living right next door.

What I want to be is a grandmother. You know, that special older person in my grandchild's life like my grandmother was for me. She was that special person in my life. She passed away in '91, and I still miss her dearly.

I want to help out when the parents want a night out or a weekend away. I want to take over a crying baby for times when the parents desperately need some sleep. I want to watch my grandchild for a few hours so my DIL can do her groceries in peace and quiet.

What I don't want to be, is a "baby sitter". That is what day care or a baby sitter is for, as long as it is a good one.

I think living near your adult children and grandchildren can be wonderful for everyone, as long as everyone keeps their privacy, knows their place, and respects the boundaries.
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Old 01-09-2016, 07:50 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,169 posts, read 2,899,891 times
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We didn't have grandparents close (as in they moved about a mile away from us) until my oldest was a little over 2 and my youngest was 13 months. We moved a few months after they moved here do to a job situation and boy was my MIL angry. She understood and supported us but she was angry. We moved back 18 months later (thank goodness we hadn't sold the house only rented it out). We lived with them for a month while we found a place to rent (they were out of town for two of those weeks).

They have never been full time babysitters but they have always picked the kids up at least once a week from preschool and taken them to dinner and an activity. When they were younger they loved going to grandma's house. Now, they have a baby cousin and they love to play with her but she gets a lot of grandma's attention and I think they are a little bit jealous my daughter especially. She was always the youngest grandkid that lived close. Now, my son prefers to play with his friends at almost 8 and the friends live right across the street from grandma's.

It's nice not to have to travel for holidays as the grandparents now live in our neighborhood as do my BIL and his family. We can see the grandparents house from our front yard. I like they are close in case of emergencies. We all help each other out too. The grandparents stayed with us 6 weeks but broken up in two week visits and then they'd switch to my BIL's house when they were waiting to move into their new house. They also traveled and went on trips as well.
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Old 01-09-2016, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,084 posts, read 3,066,094 times
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We lived 15 minutes from my in laws and 30 minutes from my parents when the kids were small. My MIL babysat the kids maybe 10 times? And my own parents never did. My grandmothers (also within 30 minutes) each watched them a couple of times when I had a doctor appt (my dr was in their town).

I liked that the children were close with their grandparents! But I would not depend on them to help with regular childcare.

Now we live 1500 miles away from what used to be home. The kids are teens. They see their extended family once every couple of years. It's not ideal, but it works. I hope to see my grandchildren regularly but I won't be their regular babysitter... I'll have my own things to do that do not include being responsible for a baby or toddler for eight hours per day!
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Old 01-09-2016, 07:58 AM
 
6,119 posts, read 3,061,620 times
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If you have a close familial unit, then I truly believe it is important to live close to your parents with children.

Denying your child to have a relationship with your own parents, and denying your parents to have a relationship with your children - these to me are sad scenarios. It's heart breaking when someone has to watch their grandchildren grow up through telephone calls, Facebook, etc. I have a deep connection with my grandchildren, and that only comes from seeing them in the flesh.
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