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Old 01-09-2016, 05:42 PM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,614,142 times
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No, I want to live where I want to live. My parents distance from me has nothing to do with it.
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Old 01-09-2016, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
13,148 posts, read 7,393,567 times
Reputation: 27258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imgnutopia View Post
My parents live in Clear Lake and fiancee and I both work in the Texas Medical Center. I honestly want to live closer to the city or in Pearland with a housing budget of 350k; but the idea of my parents being a short drive away to take care of kids does make things convenient. Plus it'll save on childcare for a couple years.

Does living a short distance away from parents once you have kids that much more convenient? Kids are coming in about 2 years if everything is smooth.
I've lived in Houston for over 20 years and am very familiar with its geography. If you plan on continuing to work in the Med Center, I don't recommend you living in Pearland unless you want to spend hours each day commuting. Theoretically these locations aren't far from each other, but when you factor in the grotesque traffic snarls we experience, it takes about twice as long to get where you need to go at rush hour in the morning and evening. And if you want to live in Clear Lake or Webster, you will have the same commuting problems. Actually, the commute will be even worse, because I-45 is the only freeway to take you to the Med Center until you hit the 610 Loop or Beltway 8, so if/when there are traffic backups (as in every single day) you will be delayed even more. Then 610 and 59 get very backed up as well. It's much smarter to move closer to your job, and with a $350K housing budget, you have a lot of options. You can buy a small home closer to the Med Center, a loft, or a roomy townhouse that will let you start a family and not depend on your parents for free babysitting.

I agree with the other posters that even if your parents agree to babysit for free, they will probably feel taken advantage of if you insist they do it every day, month after month, for years. They may not say so, but that's asking a lot of people who have raised you, are presumably retired, and most likely don't want to take on another full time job doing free childcare. Babysitting occasionally would probably be just fine with them, but doing it full time may be too much to ask. So moving farther away would probably be the best choice both for you and them. It would save you and your spouse a huge commuting headache (at least one hour each way every day) and leave their days free to do what they want.
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Old 01-10-2016, 02:58 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh's North Side
1,701 posts, read 1,074,774 times
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OP, the bottom line is that the most likely thing is that whatever your relationship is like with your parents and in-laws, that relationship will just become more intense when you have kids. If you get along, it's likely that you will bond over the kids. If you don't get along, how-to-raise-kids will probably be the new thing you disagree about. Whatever rules your parents have about helping or not helping you in your life, interfering or not in your affairs, giving you enough space or not, whatever it's like, that dynamic will probably just get even more intense. It's true that having the kids might *change* the dynamic, but my experience is that this is not likely.

In hindsight, planning my wedding was a really good predictor of what would happen. My dad and my husband's dad both tended to be a bit stand-offish, but generous with money. Partner's stepmother had great ideas over coffee whenever I saw her, but was too busy with her own life to help, and that was fine. Partner's mother cared a lot about symbolic stuff and professional photographs and designer clothes and what other people would think and making sure things were fancy, and she tended to be critical in a way that put a lot of people on edge. My mother tended to roll up her sleeves and get stuff done, and was way more interested in being practical and frugal than anything else.

Now we have kids, and all five grandparents are EXACTLY the same, it just applies to the kids. They bring the exact same attitudes to being grandparents. Looking around, a lot of my close friends have had a similar experience -- whatever little stories I heard about their parents' involvement during their weddings, before and after, I am hearing parallel stories about their involvement with the grandkids. It's interesting.

Anyway, about geography, you'll figure it out. My parents live a long flight away, but they come for two weeks every six months or so and help out a LOT while they are here, which works out well. It means we get to do our own thing without them interfering, but when they come over they put in a ton of baby-sitting/bonding with the kids in a short time, and we do all the stuff we were too busy to do without their help. My in-laws live much closer...but they visit far less often, and that's fine too. Wherever you decide to live, it'll sort itself out once you actually have the kids. Good luck!
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Old 01-10-2016, 04:06 AM
 
4,938 posts, read 2,563,814 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imgnutopia View Post
My parents are actually trying to convince me to live near them so that they could help with babysitting.
If you have that luxury of parents that want to help with babysitting, then go for it. It would be a wonderful situation.
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:09 AM
 
10,396 posts, read 7,472,821 times
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When I had my first I was stationed in CA. My mother was in VA and the other Grandma was in PA. The other Grandma flew out to visit and meet the kiddo. I'll never forget her for that. I look back and realize how awesome that was. My mother never visited me anywhere in nearly 40 years. That's a negative, too.
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:15 AM
 
3,153 posts, read 2,848,160 times
Reputation: 8670
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imgnutopia View Post
My parents live in Clear Lake and fiancee and I both work in the Texas Medical Center. I honestly want to live closer to the city or in Pearland with a housing budget of 350k; but the idea of my parents being a short drive away to take care of kids does make things convenient. Plus it'll save on childcare for a couple years.

Does living a short distance away from parents once you have kids that much more convenient? Kids are coming in about 2 years if everything is smooth.
It was and still is absolutely critical for me. It's not just free daycare, it's reliable care, especially when the children are infants and you really don't want to leave them with a stranger. Plus, there are just so many other kinds of support grandparents provide, and also the benefit of having children who actually know their grandparents and get to spend time with them regularly. My mom moved near me when my child was born, and I just don't know what I would have done without her - even though I don't work full-time and have never needed full-time care. So yes, it's super important for me.
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Old 01-10-2016, 02:10 PM
 
34 posts, read 32,519 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
I've lived in Houston for over 20 years and am very familiar with its geography. If you plan on continuing to work in the Med Center, I don't recommend you living in Pearland unless you want to spend hours each day commuting. Theoretically these locations aren't far from each other, but when you factor in the grotesque traffic snarls we experience, it takes about twice as long to get where you need to go at rush hour in the morning and evening. And if you want to live in Clear Lake or Webster, you will have the same commuting problems. Actually, the commute will be even worse, because I-45 is the only freeway to take you to the Med Center until you hit the 610 Loop or Beltway 8, so if/when there are traffic backups (as in every single day) you will be delayed even more. Then 610 and 59 get very backed up as well. It's much smarter to move closer to your job, and with a $350K housing budget, you have a lot of options. You can buy a small home closer to the Med Center, a loft, or a roomy townhouse that will let you start a family and not depend on your parents for free babysitting.
I've looked into areas like Westbury or Willow Meadows but I'm not sure if those schools compare to the area we are looking at in Pearland/Clear Lake. My soon-to-be wife likes the suburbs because of the schools. I'll ask for opinions in the Houston forum.

I'd hope there'd be no resentment because I've helped them quite a bit already. Thanks for all the insightful posts. It seems the opinions are divided and I'll have to decide for myself.
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