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Old 01-14-2016, 11:01 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,661,517 times
Reputation: 6644

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
I am studying for the LCSW and I will hopefully be ready next month. He said he wants a family. I even asked him I said "I feel like maybe you're just lonely there and you talk to me but when your back you won't like me anymore" and he said that won't happen and I worry too much and and I asked "what about if you meet someone like one of your little friends" and he said "I have no friends why do you think I didn't go out when I was on leave accept with my family". He also said that he ignores his brother and family too so it isn't just me.
Studying for the LCSW?

I thought you're in a graduate program to get an MSW?

Do you know how many hours you'll have to complete before you receive your LCSW?

Have you gotten a job where you'll be able to complete those hours, under appropriate supervision yet?

 
Old 01-15-2016, 05:11 AM
 
741 posts, read 348,154 times
Reputation: 178
In the state I'm in you can take the clinical exam and get the lsw then get the hours and not have to take 2 exams. It's 2000-3000 hours of supervision and no job lined up yet.

In my state it isn't the "LCSW" but the licensing I am trying to get is equivalent. It is the clinical exam but i will have the basic license then once I get the hours of supervision I can get the clinical license. Does that make sense? I just don't want to post that because that gives away my state and that's personal. I also have a professor who offered to do supervision for me if I wanted.

Last edited by Gab12; 01-15-2016 at 05:23 AM..
 
Old 01-15-2016, 05:48 AM
 
Location: New Yawk
8,652 posts, read 4,786,033 times
Reputation: 14011
Quote:
Originally Posted by upsadaisy View Post
Gab, have a baby when you want. Money doesnt matter, people have raised family's with less. If you are ready to have a baby and have love to give then go for it but if I were you I would wait and be married first. But it is your life so do as you wish. You dont have to wait to be done with school and rich before havin a baby. Theres never a perfect time. Just do whats best for you. And if you end up a little strapped after you give birth there is always wic and other programs that can help if you need to get on your feet. But I do hope you find the right man.
Oh my, I don't even know what to say to this. Very short-sighted indeed. The expense of having a child persists long after they aren't cute little babies anymore. The expense of diapers, formula, and daycare may be temporary, but a whole new set of expenses keeps rolling in with each stage. Money does matter, because money is what is needed to pay for a minimum of 18 years of expenses (count on at least 21 years): clothes, shoes,food, medical and dental care, education (public school is tuition-free, but it isn't free from extra expenses), extracurriculars, childcare during school breaks, lost wages for staying home with a sick child, endless birthday parties for classmates. And that's not even touching on the unforeseeable, such as a complicated labor and delivery ($$) or a child with a disability. It's one thing to have an unplanned pregnancy and make the best of it, but completely irresponsible to conceive a child knowing that you are no position to provide the financially and emotionally stable environment he/she deserves.

About the words in red: anyone with that thought process is absolutely too selfish and immature to even consider choosing to bringing a child into this world. It's not about you and having your heart's desires. It's about providing a good life for another human being, not using that child to fill some void.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 05:53 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,034 posts, read 37,675,762 times
Reputation: 73641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
Oh my, I don't even know what to say to this. Very short-sighted indeed. The expense of having a child persists long after they aren't cute little babies anymore. The expense of diapers, formula, and daycare may be temporary, but a whole new set of expenses keeps rolling in with each stage. Money does matter, because money is what is needed to pay for a minimum of 18 years of expenses (count on at least 21 years): clothes, shoes,food, medical and dental care, education (public school is tuition-free, but it isn't free from extra expenses), extracurriculars, childcare during school breaks, lost wages for staying home with a sick child, endless birthday parties for classmates. And that's not even touching on the unforeseeable, such as a complicated labor and delivery ($$) or a child with a disability. It's one thing to have an unplanned pregnancy and make the best of it, but completely irresponsible to conceive a child knowing that you are no position to provide the financially and emotionally stable environment he/she deserves.

About the words in red: anyone with that thought process is absolutely too selfish and immature to even consider choosing to bringing a child into this world. It's not about you and having your heart's desires. It's about providing a good life for another human being, not using that child to fill some void.
Very good advice.

There is no "perfect time" to have a baby, but there is absolutely a "bad time" to have a baby.

I find it so ironic that the OP is in social work when she obviously has serious emotional problems herself.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 06:05 AM
 
741 posts, read 348,154 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Very good advice.

There is no "perfect time" to have a baby, but there is absolutely a "bad time" to have a baby.

I find it so ironic that the OP is in social work when she obviously has serious emotional problems herself.
Other than serious self esteem issues I'm fine. And I would have much better self esteem if I was in a relationship and pregnant.

I also had a convo about this with my therapist and everyone has issues, as long as I can be empathetic and caring and help my clients learn to help themselves I'm doing my job and I'm doing a pretty good job

I will say I don't want to have a baby and get on welfare I mean that's unfair for me to intentionally do that. I just feel like right now I could swing it. I have student loans I have an apartment, I mean there are teens out here getting pregnant and everyone rallies around them, I'm a 25 year old adult, with an education and potential to get a decent job... doing a little better then your local teen I think. I'm not even saying I'll get pregnant tomorrow but if the military guy comes back later this year and is interested in me still why wouldn't I? I know he would be a great dad

Last edited by Gab12; 01-15-2016 at 06:14 AM..
 
Old 01-15-2016, 06:23 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,034 posts, read 37,675,762 times
Reputation: 73641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Other than serious self esteem issues I'm fine.
Nope. You are NOT fine.

This:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
And I would have much better self esteem if I was in a relationship and pregnant.
is textbook.

I can't believe you would actually say those two sentences back to back with a straight face.

Every post is just more evidence of a very bad thought process. I don't know how much more plainly to say it. Your "defense" of this horrible idea is that you would be doing a "little better" than a local teen mom who got pregnant. So you would be one notch above the worst-case scenario. Congratulations???

Do you really not see how bad this is?????
 
Old 01-15-2016, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Middle of nowhere
19,428 posts, read 9,742,596 times
Reputation: 7535
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Other than serious self esteem issues I'm fine. And I would have much better self esteem if I was in a relationship and pregnant.

I also had a convo about this with my therapist and everyone has issues, as long as I can be empathetic and caring and help my clients learn to help themselves I'm doing my job and I'm doing a pretty good job

I will say I don't want to have a baby and get on welfare I mean that's unfair for me to intentionally do that. I just feel like right now I could swing it. I have student loans I have an apartment, I mean there are teens out here getting pregnant and everyone rallies around them, I'm a 25 year old adult, with an education and potential to get a decent job... doing a little better then your local teen I think. I'm not even saying I'll get pregnant tomorrow but if the military guy comes back later this year and is interested in me still why wouldn't I? I know he would be a great dad
Honey, did you even read your text book? (re bolded)


How are you "going to swing" having a baby with NO JOB?

You have issues that far exceed self esteem.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 06:48 AM
 
5,368 posts, read 5,718,074 times
Reputation: 7158
All it takes is 5 mins
 
Old 01-15-2016, 06:59 AM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Other than serious self esteem issues I'm fine. And I would have much better self esteem if I was in a relationship and pregnant.

I also had a convo about this with my therapist and everyone has issues, as long as I can be empathetic and caring and help my clients learn to help themselves I'm doing my job and I'm doing a pretty good job

I will say I don't want to have a baby and get on welfare I mean that's unfair for me to intentionally do that. I just feel like right now I could swing it. I have student loans I have an apartment, I mean there are teens out here getting pregnant and everyone rallies around them, I'm a 25 year old adult, with an education and potential to get a decent job... doing a little better then your local teen I think. I'm not even saying I'll get pregnant tomorrow but if the military guy comes back later this year and is interested in me still why wouldn't I? I know he would be a great dad
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
That was my former therapist and she got married to someone at 20 and has been married for like 20 years.

I'm going to be a social worker I probably won't even be able to support myself with just my income. Also those people knew eachother for 16 years I'm 25 already I need to meet someone like today and start working on getting engaged after a year at most
Are you listening to yourself at all?
 
Old 01-15-2016, 07:40 AM
 
9,663 posts, read 7,638,989 times
Reputation: 17502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Ok this is complicated let me break down the time line.

So I met him on POF in January of 2015 he was here for leave but then went back so we didn't meet and I didn't care. We stayed in contact a little and then texted all day everyday for like 3 or 4 months in May he decided he didn't want to waste my time since he wouldn't be back until 2016 so we stopped talking I deleted him on FB because I felt like he wanted hood girls and I was pissed. So then he added me back in October but I was with my now ex and he gave space because of that and then we met after Christmas when my BF and I ended and it went from there to now.


Christmas was exactly three weeks ago today.

Slow down, girl!

Of almost 370 responses you've received in this thread, I can find only ONE which is encouraging you to go ahead with your baby dreams. All the rest are expressing concern, pointing out the flaws in your reasoning, offering valid suggestions of ways to get your "baby-fix" without actually leaping into parenthood, and are trying to help you make reasonable, realistic plans for motherhood - someday, several years from now, after you get the rest of your life in good order.

You are on a good academic track, apparently, and if you will graduate this spring, you should be seeking out job interviews right now. Does your college offer placement services (which may go by a different name)? Are you following up ads in professional journals or online sites dealing with your area of study? Have you done a practicum? (supervised field work, apprenticeship - again, it may go by a different name).

If you want to be a truly loving, responsible parent, you need to examine not only your own strong urges to have a baby, but what is required to care for a baby, who will soon be a toddler, then a small child, then a not-so-small child, then a teenager, then a young adult. You'll need a way of supporting that child and yourself. You'll need a decent, safe place to live. You'll someone to do the 24/7 care of that baby, probably in addition to you, since presumably you'll be working about 40 hours a week. You'll need all kinds of baby gear, then toddler gear, etc. You'll need a OB-GYN for yourself, and a pediatrician for your child.

And that's just the start. Rearing a child as a single parent is much harder than raising a child with a stable, committed partner who loves both you and the child. You have absolutely no assurance that the man you have your eye on cares about you as anything but a casual correspondent. You have your professional life ahead of you.

I am not saying that you would not eventually be a great mom. But now is not the time. You have a lot of work to do before you are ready to become a parent. Get those ducks in the proverbial row first, then look into motherhood in three or so years. You'll be a far better parent - more responsible, more loving, more mature - if you slow down and put your dreams in proper order and perspective.

As for your age, you have a good twelve or more years ahead of you. My own mother was almost 40 when I came along, and I was her first-born, and have no special needs. Her pregnancy was uneventful, and this was quite a long time ago. Maternal care has improved since, so you should be fine, as long as you take good care of yourself both prior to and during pregnancy. As for older mothers being at increased risk for exceptional children - it's also true that twins and children with high intelligence are more frequent with older mothers, and while the other risks are real, they still are quite low. So set those fears aside. You can have a healthy pregnancy and are very likely to have a perfectly normal, healthy baby well past thirty.

So take care of yourself physically, start learning everything you can about pregnancy and baby care and development, volunteer or work in a daycare with infants, get a good job that pays a decent salary, find a safe apartment, reach out for friends, get involved in whatever activities your community offers once you graduate, and do some serious self-examination about just why you want a baby right now, and how you think a baby would change your life.

Ask yourself if it would be fair to a baby to expect him to be a source of love and reassurance for you. Are you projecting your own needs - for love, security, companionship, etc - onto a helpless baby, who needs all these things herself?

Last edited by CraigCreek; 01-15-2016 at 08:02 AM..
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