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Old 01-15-2016, 07:57 AM
 
10,365 posts, read 8,352,241 times
Reputation: 19114

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
In the state I'm in you can take the clinical exam and get the lsw then get the hours and not have to take 2 exams. It's 2000-3000 hours of supervision and no job lined up yet.

In my state it isn't the "LCSW" but the licensing I am trying to get is equivalent. It is the clinical exam but i will have the basic license then once I get the hours of supervision I can get the clinical license. Does that make sense? I just don't want to post that because that gives away my state and that's personal. I also have a professor who offered to do supervision for me if I wanted.
Can you clarify what stage of this process you are in? It sounds as if you still need to (1) Pass the exam. (2) Get a job. (3) Get 2,000-3,000 hours of on-the-job supervision. (4) Get the clinical license. Is this correct?

If this is right, do you realize just how much supervision and how much time that is?? A typical work week is 40 hours - and I doubt very much that you would be supervised in person for every minute of those 40 hours. If your first year of working 40 hours a week is considered to be under supervision, even if it's not direct, personal superision, it will take you almost a year to get licensed, if the 2,000 hours is correct. If it's 3,000 hours, you would need to be working under supervision for a year and a half, minimum, with supervision for all of those hours.

When are you going to have time to work, get supervised, earn an adequate income - and have and care for a baby?? Not to mention time for some kind of positive relationship with the baby's father, time for yourself, for your parents, for your friends, for any other activities beyond working and caring for a baby...

 
Old 01-15-2016, 07:58 AM
 
13,675 posts, read 13,477,979 times
Reputation: 39778
You are in no condition to have a baby. You are young, jobless and single, with clear mental health issues. Do you understand the burden you will put on any child you have?

My mother wanted desperately to have children because she was not happy and she thought kids would fix it, so she entered into an ill-advised marriage with my father, who ironically was sterile. She had me after artificial insemination, and immediately tried to mold me in her image. Despite the fact that I was a smart and kind child who made straight As, I was alternately berated or smothered throughout my childhood because I was nothing like her. She refused to recognize my learning disability, despite being an education professional, because she didn't want to admit there was something wrong with me.

While my parents gave me a lot of advantages and room to grow and I am grateful to them beyond words, I would not describe my childhood as happy. I am almost 40 years old, and I am just beginning to trust her on an emotional level. We will never be close, and I spend the time in her presence wondering if I'm going to put a foot wrong and trigger an explosion. She can't make me cry anymore, but good lord, dealing with that stuff is exhausting.

So drop this baby nonsense, build your career and look to have a child when you are mentally healthy and in a stable situation and relationship. To do anything less is basically unconscionably selfish. Your child should not bear the burden of supporting your happiness.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:05 AM
 
852 posts, read 366,451 times
Reputation: 1843
Wow, this is still going on? OP, you are delusional. YOU DON'T know this military guy. And it was less than a month ago you should the guy who wanted a break was the perfect one for you, it seems you think any guy is the perfect guy for you. I don't care if the military guy says he wants go come home and marry you next month, those are just words and you two don't know each other. As far as it being attractive that he is aggressive, yah, aggressive men make wonderful parents. Men with anger issues handle the stress of kids so well, and the stress of relationships as well, not thinking so. And let me get this straight, it's a turn on he says he has no friends and doesn't speak to his family. on yes it's also a turn on he has alcohol issues and drives drunk, because " people will do what they will do" yes we all get it, you are attracted to him, big freaking deal, then be attracted to him, sleep with him, whatever, that means nothing about being in a relationship of having kids.


Meanwhile, we have another person on the thread saying it's ok, the lord will provide, and a white knight will come along. No, the lord won't provide, but I guess hard working people who contribute to welfare system will. Makes me ill. There is a difference between falling on hard times, and purposely having a kid knowing you would need assistance.


But thank you OP, because of this thread I had a chat with my child last night about relationships, and red flags, and the types of women he should date when he is older. Mind you, he has a good influence, me and his dad, we both work, we both have hobbies, we don't cling to each other, we do things separately, we are respectful to each other and we know our goal in life is to prepare him for the outside world. You really really really have no clue, and sounds like you are younger than my child, who is 11. And I am not kidding, when I asked my child about what he thought of a relationship where someone would cling to him and want to rush things, his answer was " why would I want that, I want to play my sports and have a good job and go out with my friends, the way you and dad do" It is a sad state of affairs when an 11 year old has more sense.


You say it's pathetic to use a sperm bank, or to have kids later, but let me tell you, what is pathetic is how you are acting. There is nothing pathetic about a woman who hasn't met anyone worth being with to use a bank if she really wants a child and is stable. You aren't stable and wouldn't even be approved. I don't care if your whole town had kids before 25, stop comparing yourself to others. In normal society people settle down when they want, whether than means 20's or 30's or 40s or even later.

Last edited by canadiangirl_2015; 01-15-2016 at 08:37 AM..
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:14 AM
 
10,365 posts, read 8,352,241 times
Reputation: 19114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
You make him sound bad. I like the aggression, it is so attractive to me. He is like forceful like I just knew from when we were out he just gets an attitude but it was so sexy. I am just so attracted to him.
Would he be "aggressive" and "forceful" or "get an attitude" with a baby? How about with a whiny toddler? Have you ever seen him interact with babies or small children? How much experience does he have with babies and children?

What is his education level? Why is he not close to his family? What is his history with other women? Does he have male buddies? How many long-term friendships does he have? How old is he? What is his history prior to entering the service? Does he have a criminal record? What are his plans for after he leaves the service? What are his hobbies and interests? Where has he lived? What do his parents do professionally? Is he an only child, or does he have siblings? Do you plan to meet any of his family of origin, friends, co-workers, etc.? How is he set financially? Does he have any debts, or does he have savings? Does he drink to excess or abuse drugs? What does he like to do for fun?

Is he truthful? Is he kind? Is he considerate? Is he reasonably intelligent? Is he mature? Is he practical?

Unless you can answer these questions accurately and positively, he is not husband material. Not even good boyfriend material.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:22 AM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,185 posts, read 4,029,589 times
Reputation: 6267
TIL why welfare was invented.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:41 AM
 
741 posts, read 373,588 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjrose View Post
Honey, did you even read your text book? (re bolded)


How are you "going to swing" having a baby with NO JOB?

You have issues that far exceed self esteem.
Ok so self esteem is the root of the issues that have now just... expanded lol. I am not delusional or anything. I know having a baby would be hard. I haven't acted on my urges and I could have. It's like I know the difference between right and wrong. I just also want so much to be a Mom and wife I feel like it will give me purpose. I also just get jealous of all the people living this awesome life of married happiness and I'm just going through the motions
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:43 AM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,772,887 times
Reputation: 6659
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Very good advice.

There is no "perfect time" to have a baby, but there is absolutely a "bad time" to have a baby.

I find it so ironic that the OP is in social work when she obviously has serious emotional problems herself.
Seriously, I have a masters in clinical counseling and the OP is either able to hide the crazy or her social work professor are oblivious to what are obvious red flags. People can get kicked out of school if they feel you can't emotionally handle the job. You need to have your stuff together before you can ever help ANYONE else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Other than serious self esteem issues I'm fine. And I would have much better self esteem if I was in a relationship and pregnant.
No sorry you're not fine. I don't understand how you can say this with a straight face. Something really isn't adding up. At all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
I also had a convo about this with my therapist and everyone has issues, as long as I can be empathetic and caring and help my clients learn to help themselves I'm doing my job and I'm doing a pretty good job
There is so much more to being a Social Worker than being empathetic and caring

Have you done any field work at all? Have you had any internships?

What do you actually want to do with your LCSW?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
I will say I don't want to have a baby and get on welfare I mean that's unfair for me to intentionally do that. I just feel like right now I could swing it. I have student loans I have an apartment, I mean there are teens out here getting pregnant and everyone rallies around them, I'm a 25 year old adult, with an education and potential to get a decent job... doing a little better then your local teen I think. I'm not even saying I'll get pregnant tomorrow but if the military guy comes back later this year and is interested in me still why wouldn't I? I know he would be a great dad
You're logic is terrifying. If you were a therapist and had a client who was telling you everything you're saying, what would you tell them?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Can you clarify what stage of this process you are in? It sounds as if you still need to (1) Pass the exam. (2) Get a job. (3) Get 2,000-3,000 hours of on-the-job supervision. (4) Get the clinical license. Is this correct?

If this is right, do you realize just how much supervision and how much time that is?? A typical work week is 40 hours - and I doubt very much that you would be supervised in person for every minute of those 40 hours. If your first year of working 40 hours a week is considered to be under supervision, even if it's not direct, personal superision, it will take you almost a year to get licensed, if the 2,000 hours is correct. If it's 3,000 hours, you would need to be working under supervision for a year and a half, minimum, with supervision for all of those hours.

When are you going to have time to work, get supervised, earn an adequate income - and have and care for a baby?? Not to mention time for some kind of positive relationship with the baby's father, time for yourself, for your parents, for your friends, for any other activities beyond working and caring for a baby...
I have an LCSW, it was 3,000 hours and those hours are broken down into various requirements of different kinds of supervision. It took me roughly 2 years and it was a long 2 years. No way I could of handled being a new parent.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:45 AM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,772,887 times
Reputation: 6659
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Ok so self esteem is the root of the issues that have now just... expanded lol. I am not delusional or anything. I know having a baby would be hard. I haven't acted on my urges and I could have. It's like I know the difference between right and wrong. I just also want so much to be a Mom and wife I feel like it will give me purpose. I also just get jealous of all the people living this awesome life of married happiness and I'm just going through the motions
Have you ever cares for an infant before? You could try getting a nanny job with an infant.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:50 AM
 
852 posts, read 366,451 times
Reputation: 1843
if the military guy comes back later this year and is interested in me still why wouldn't I? I know he would be a great dad


---------------------------


haha you know this how exactly? You honestly can't be for real. I will say it again, YOU DON'T KNOW THIS PERSON. A MONTH AGO YOU THOUGHT ANOTHER GUY WAS THE PERFECT GUY FOR YOU!!!! People who are aggressive with alcohol issues don't make good partners or parents. Attraction means NOTHING!!!! don't you understand that? I don't care if you find him to be the most gorgeous man on the planet, who cares? It takes years to really know someone and not long distance but in the same city, day to day. I will say it again, my 11 year old has more sense than you do when it comes to relationships, and I will seriously cry if he ever ends up with someone like you. I am not saying this to be mean, but you lack empathy, maturity, and an understanding of the world and relationships. You think the most horrible qualities are turn ons, and think being clingy and a doormat will make you attractive to a guy, you need help. You have the lowest standards I could ever imagine, the fact that you had to mention a guy didn't hit you therefore was nice, says it all. You create things in your mind that just don't exist.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Middle of nowhere
20,318 posts, read 10,390,695 times
Reputation: 7951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Ok so self esteem is the root of the issues that have now just... expanded lol. I am not delusional or anything. I know having a baby would be hard. I haven't acted on my urges and I could have. It's like I know the difference between right and wrong. I just also want so much to be a Mom and wife I feel like it will give me purpose. I also just get jealous of all the people living this awesome life of married happiness and I'm just going through the motions
Again, you do not depend on others to give your life purpose. YOU have to do that.
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