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Old 01-15-2016, 09:18 AM
 
741 posts, read 348,154 times
Reputation: 178

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Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015 View Post
Wow, this is still going on? OP, you are delusional. YOU DON'T know this military guy. And it was less than a month ago you should the guy who wanted a break was the perfect one for you, it seems you think any guy is the perfect guy for you. I don't care if the military guy says he wants go come home and marry you next month, those are just words and you two don't know each other. As far as it being attractive that he is aggressive, yah, aggressive men make wonderful parents. Men with anger issues handle the stress of kids so well, and the stress of relationships as well, not thinking so. And let me get this straight, it's a turn on he says he has no friends and doesn't speak to his family. on yes it's also a turn on he has alcohol issues and drives drunk, because " people will do what they will do" yes we all get it, you are attracted to him, big freaking deal, then be attracted to him, sleep with him, whatever, that means nothing about being in a relationship of having kids.


Meanwhile, we have another person on the thread saying it's ok, the lord will provide, and a white knight will come along. No, the lord won't provide, but I guess hard working people who contribute to welfare system will. Makes me ill. There is a difference between falling on hard times, and purposely having a kid knowing you would need assistance.


But thank you OP, because of this thread I had a chat with my child last night about relationships, and red flags, and the types of women he should date when he is older. Mind you, he has a good influence, me and his dad, we both work, we both have hobbies, we don't cling to each other, we do things separately, we are respectful to each other and we know our goal in life is to prepare him for the outside world. You really really really have no clue, and sounds like you are younger than my child, who is 11. And I am not kidding, when I asked my child about what he thought of a relationship where someone would cling to him and want to rush things, his answer was " why would I want that, I want to play my sports and have a good job and go out with my friends, the way you and dad do" It is a sad state of affairs when an 11 year old has more sense.


You say it's pathetic to use a sperm bank, or to have kids later, but let me tell you, what is pathetic is how you are acting. There is nothing pathetic about a woman who hasn't met anyone worth being with to use a bank if she really wants a child and is stable. You aren't stable and wouldn't even be approved. I don't care if your whole town had kids before 25, stop comparing yourself to others. In normal society people settle down when they want, whether than means 20's or 30's or 40s or even later.
You make him sound bad but the driving tipsy or drunk was just... he just said it and I mean I did say "no don't do that" but he is a military guy he thinks he is invincible I survived in Afghanistan so he can do anything (his feelings not mine). He was saying he has no friends to prove to me that I shouldn't be worried about when he comes back him not being interested in me, and he also said he doesn't talk to his family a lot or anyone, he doesn't answer text messages often. He said he is just being "antisocial". I know I am justifying and rationalizing right now which is bad. You just don't understand I have wanted him since I saw him and then I had him kind of were were "talking" and he would call me beautiful and send me morning texts and it was amazing and then he cut me off basically and HE CAME BACK. That was amazing to me, even though the time was bad I was with my now ex but he came back and we met and everything was so good he called me babe and his queen and we had so much physical attraction. I am just so taken by him i want to be in his life so badly.

I am glad that you had that convo with your son, I would never want my kids to date someone like me. My brother dated a girl like me (a little worse off) and I hated her. I did date a guy who was insanely clingy and smothering once and I hated it. I only liked him when he left (military again) and then he smothered but from a distance, and I just envisioned a family with him. I think about a family with anyone who will date me or shows interest in me.

 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:18 AM
 
3,037 posts, read 2,338,516 times
Reputation: 3563
You basing this on a military guy that is still deployed, hasn't even made you his gf, but likes kids wants to settle down eventually and may want to date you??????? Lol. Girl if this man isn't your bf how are you already planning on marriage and babies with him???? Men say a lot of things. Until he makes you his wife your being silly and delusional. It's like asking to make a cake and you have half of the ingredients needed to bake it properly--that cake ain't being made unless you find a way to get to the store to get the rest of the stuff. In your case you can't have a baby without a male participant or adoption. At least have a man and be in an actual relationship before you start planning ish, otherwise you sound silly as h***. That poor man, he's away overseas and doesn't even know all that you've prematurely planned for you and him(it's scary if you think about it that way, your getting carried away over someone who hasn't even claimed you yet).

Oan everyone else gave you pretty good advice about why you are in no shape or form ready for a baby. Not to mention your threads in the relationship forum where you post as if your a teenager instead of conducting yourself like a grown woman. Great for sticking with your education and getting the credentials you need to be where you want to be financially and career wise, but you need to grow up(the mentality you display on citydata is frighteningly immature) actually be with this man in a committed relationship(hopefully one that leads to marriage) prior to even talking about getting married to him and having his kids.

Kids are a lot of work and it isn't the way you think it's going to be. I was like you when I was 23, except I was already done with school, in a career, employed, in a 6.5 year committed relationship with the man that I was engaged to, and I was consistently interacting with children because all of my friends at the time had kids. I then got pregnant and had my son at 24. I knew it was going to be hard because of my interactions with all of my friends kids and knowing their parenting struggles, and I was still unprepared emotionally, mentally, and even with my career at the time-financially--it's been a long challenging journey as a parent. And literally every idea I had in my mind about how I thought it would be was shriveled to pieces within the first two years lol!!! I was young and dumb and had no business procreating and yet and still I had all the accomplishments you talk about that make you a candidate for being a mom.

Now what I will say is that frankly as hard and as challenging as it is I like being a mom, and I've changed for the better in virtually every way because of my son. Everyone around me notices it and has commented on it. I used to be immature, silly, lazy, etc. I'm glad I had him even in the craziness, and do think that babies can add more meaning and purpose for certain individuals but that's the thing--they wont and don't have the same effect on everyone, and contrary to media portrayals having a child can actually lead to more stress, unhappiness, loss of freedom and loss of leisure time. As much as your clock is ticking now, try to fight the urge. I understand because mine was ticking early too and mine is ticking now again but unlike the last time, I'm choosing to ignore it because I know what parenting is like and I know I'm in no way ready to be a mother again no matter how accomplished, older, experienced I am.

I know your going to fixate on this until the urge calms down a bit but just understand that just because you want xyz doesn't mean your truly ready to have xyz.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:25 AM
 
741 posts, read 348,154 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Would he be "aggressive" and "forceful" or "get an attitude" with a baby? How about with a whiny toddler? Have you ever seen him interact with babies or small children? How much experience does he have with babies and children?

What is his education level? Why is he not close to his family? What is his history with other women? Does he have male buddies? How many long-term friendships does he have? How old is he? What is his history prior to entering the service? Does he have a criminal record? What are his plans for after he leaves the service? What are his hobbies and interests? Where has he lived? What do his parents do professionally? Is he an only child, or does he have siblings? Do you plan to meet any of his family of origin, friends, co-workers, etc.? How is he set financially? Does he have any debts, or does he have savings? Does he drink to excess or abuse drugs? What does he like to do for fun?

Is he truthful? Is he kind? Is he considerate? Is he reasonably intelligent? Is he mature? Is he practical?

Unless you can answer these questions accurately and positively, he is not husband material. Not even good boyfriend material.
I know some of them. He has a nephew that he is crazy about and we even talked about how jealous we are of people who get to be young and have families (he is a twin and his brother was married and has a child). Other than that idk I imagine him as being a good dad and gentle and supportive. I think he is aggressive with other people, like when we went out the bartender took a long time to go over to us and he was irritated and made some comments. Then we were leaving and a girl walked out in front of him and he made some comments loudly. He has been in some trouble for fighting but it was years ago. He went to the military right after he graduated, but he's going to go to college when he's back but not sure for what yet. Idk about his friendships I know he has a lot of girls on his FB and a lot of his friends are his military buddies. I honestly have no idea about some of the other stuff.

I think he is truthful kind of. I don't fully believe him when he says he doesn't talk to other girls but at the same time he is away and so maybe he gets a free pass when he is gone and when he's out of the military and back here then we can see how things are. He seems mature and intelligent I guess. I don't really know.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:26 AM
 
741 posts, read 348,154 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjrose View Post
You said earlier that you didn't intern. Which is it? You seem to change your story whenever someone presents facts, like someone pointed out that you should be interning, and now you magically are interning.
I never said I didn't intern?? I think I even said in a post that I "love love love" what I do. Meaning what I do as an intern. I just said that I won't say where or give any indication as to where or what I do.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:27 AM
 
11,564 posts, read 17,496,164 times
Reputation: 17201
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Ok so self esteem is the root of the issues that have now just... expanded lol. I am not delusional or anything. I know having a baby would be hard. I haven't acted on my urges and I could have. It's like I know the difference between right and wrong. I just also want so much to be a Mom and wife I feel like it will give me purpose.
[
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:30 AM
 
741 posts, read 348,154 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa View Post
Have you ever cares for an infant before? You could try getting a nanny job with an infant.
My best friend has a baby so I have kind of taken care of her. I think it is different with other peoples children though because sometimes they don't like you or they want their parent. So obviously if it was my own baby it would like me and be calm around me. I also used to babysit a 15 month old and I loved it she was so cute and funny and smart.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,836 posts, read 6,606,791 times
Reputation: 7254
Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015 View Post
Wow, this is still going on? OP, you are delusional. YOU DON'T know this military guy. And it was less than a month ago you should the guy who wanted a break was the perfect one for you, it seems you think any guy is the perfect guy for you. I don't care if the military guy says he wants go come home and marry you next month, those are just words and you two don't know each other. As far as it being attractive that he is aggressive, yah, aggressive men make wonderful parents. Men with anger issues handle the stress of kids so well, and the stress of relationships as well, not thinking so. And let me get this straight, it's a turn on he says he has no friends and doesn't speak to his family. on yes it's also a turn on he has alcohol issues and drives drunk, because " people will do what they will do" yes we all get it, you are attracted to him, big freaking deal, then be attracted to him, sleep with him, whatever, that means nothing about being in a relationship of having kids.


Meanwhile, we have another person on the thread saying it's ok, the lord will provide, and a white knight will come along. No, the lord won't provide, but I guess hard working people who contribute to welfare system will. Makes me ill. There is a difference between falling on hard times, and purposely having a kid knowing you would need assistance.


But thank you OP, because of this thread I had a chat with my child last night about relationships, and red flags, and the types of women he should date when he is older. Mind you, he has a good influence, me and his dad, we both work, we both have hobbies, we don't cling to each other, we do things separately, we are respectful to each other and we know our goal in life is to prepare him for the outside world. You really really really have no clue, and sounds like you are younger than my child, who is 11. And I am not kidding, when I asked my child about what he thought of a relationship where someone would cling to him and want to rush things, his answer was " why would I want that, I want to play my sports and have a good job and go out with my friends, the way you and dad do" It is a sad state of affairs when an 11 year old has more sense.


You say it's pathetic to use a sperm bank, or to have kids later, but let me tell you, what is pathetic is how you are acting. There is nothing pathetic about a woman who hasn't met anyone worth being with to use a bank if she really wants a child and is stable. You aren't stable and wouldn't even be approved. I don't care if your whole town had kids before 25, stop comparing yourself to others. In normal society people settle down when they want, whether than means 20's or 30's or 40s or even later.

What a wonderful post! Thank you for your insight and thank you for raising your son right!
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,477 posts, read 15,913,707 times
Reputation: 38745
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Would he be "aggressive" and "forceful" or "get an attitude" with a baby? How about with a whiny toddler? Have you ever seen him interact with babies or small children? How much experience does he have with babies and children?

What is his education level? Why is he not close to his family? What is his history with other women? Does he have male buddies? How many long-term friendships does he have? How old is he? What is his history prior to entering the service? Does he have a criminal record? What are his plans for after he leaves the service? What are his hobbies and interests? Where has he lived? What do his parents do professionally? Is he an only child, or does he have siblings? Do you plan to meet any of his family of origin, friends, co-workers, etc.? How is he set financially? Does he have any debts, or does he have savings? Does he drink to excess or abuse drugs? What does he like to do for fun?

Is he truthful? Is he kind? Is he considerate? Is he reasonably intelligent? Is he mature? Is he practical?

Unless you can answer these questions accurately and positively, he is not husband material. Not even good boyfriend material.
Excellent questions.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,836 posts, read 6,606,791 times
Reputation: 7254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
Ok so self esteem is the root of the issues that have now just... expanded lol. I am not delusional or anything. I know having a baby would be hard. I haven't acted on my urges and I could have. It's like I know the difference between right and wrong. I just also want so much to be a Mom and wife I feel like it will give me purpose. I also just get jealous of all the people living this awesome life of married happiness and I'm just going through the motions
Having a job will give you purpose.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:38 AM
 
741 posts, read 348,154 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa View Post
Seriously, I have a masters in clinical counseling and the OP is either able to hide the crazy or her social work professor are oblivious to what are obvious red flags. People can get kicked out of school if they feel you can't emotionally handle the job. You need to have your stuff together before you can ever help ANYONE else.



No sorry you're not fine. I don't understand how you can say this with a straight face. Something really isn't adding up. At all.



There is so much more to being a Social Worker than being empathetic and caring

Have you done any field work at all? Have you had any internships?

What do you actually want to do with your LCSW?



You're logic is terrifying. If you were a therapist and had a client who was telling you everything you're saying, what would you tell them?



I have an LCSW, it was 3,000 hours and those hours are broken down into various requirements of different kinds of supervision. It took me roughly 2 years and it was a long 2 years. No way I could of handled being a new parent.
I am not crazy thats the thing. So I guess I am just able to hide the craziness that I don't have lol. Obviously if I am in the last leg of my 2nd year I am pretty sure I won't be kicked out. My professors love me. My colleagues love me. As far as issues, like I said self esteem. I have been to a few therapists and all have said adjustment disorder maybe some dysthymia (PDD) but adjustment disorder is what is on the files. So no I have no "crazy" diagnosis" as a SW should you really even feed into calling someone "crazy" I mean thats kind of derogatory... just saying.

I do intern, again not saying where. After I graduate I want to work in a hospital setting I think but sure exactly. I really just want a job in SW in general because loans won't pay themselves. If I had a client (like I said when someone else asked me) I would try to find out why they so desperately need a baby and husband, what will that give them (like what void they are looking to fill) and then try to help them figure out how to fill that void in another way. It is much easier if it was a client than with it being me. And yes I know 3,000 hours no less than 2 years. I had to look it up honestly because I don't remember and I am not at a point where I need to know yet so I didn't have it on the top of my head.
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