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Old 01-15-2016, 10:41 AM
 
741 posts, read 350,949 times
Reputation: 178

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Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015 View Post
if the military guy comes back later this year and is interested in me still why wouldn't I? I know he would be a great dad


---------------------------


haha you know this how exactly? You honestly can't be for real. I will say it again, YOU DON'T KNOW THIS PERSON. A MONTH AGO YOU THOUGHT ANOTHER GUY WAS THE PERFECT GUY FOR YOU!!!! People who are aggressive with alcohol issues don't make good partners or parents. Attraction means NOTHING!!!! don't you understand that? I don't care if you find him to be the most gorgeous man on the planet, who cares? It takes years to really know someone and not long distance but in the same city, day to day. I will say it again, my 11 year old has more sense than you do when it comes to relationships, and I will seriously cry if he ever ends up with someone like you. I am not saying this to be mean, but you lack empathy, maturity, and an understanding of the world and relationships. You think the most horrible qualities are turn ons, and think being clingy and a doormat will make you attractive to a guy, you need help. You have the lowest standards I could ever imagine, the fact that you had to mention a guy didn't hit you therefore was nice, says it all. You create things in your mind that just don't exist.
Because I think that beggars can't be choosers in who they get. If I want to be someones wife and mother then I should go with who wants me and my ex wanted me. He was a genuinely good person and he didn't hit me which was good, he would have NEVER EVER hit me, or pressured me for sex or anything bad. Which is a great quality when you have had guys do that.

 
Old 01-15-2016, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Dallas area, Texas
2,237 posts, read 2,775,763 times
Reputation: 3774
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
My best friend has a baby so I have kind of taken care of her. I think it is different with other peoples children though because sometimes they don't like you or they want their parent. So obviously if it was my own baby it would like me and be calm around me. I also used to babysit a 15 month old and I loved it she was so cute and funny and smart.
HA! HA! HA!

You are so funny. Babies cry and scream and poop. All of them. Babies like to eat and sleep and be paid attention to. They don't know what a mommy is so they don't like their own mommy over some other person. Not all babies are calm. Many have colic. Some are just difficult. They all get fussy. ALL.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,448 posts, read 38,067,918 times
Reputation: 74405
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
After I graduate I want to work in a hospital setting I think but sure exactly. I really just want a job in SW in general because loans won't pay themselves.
This is a smart and logical plan. This ^^^ is what you should focus on.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 10:47 AM
 
Location: New Yawk
8,664 posts, read 4,827,819 times
Reputation: 14034
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
My best friend has a baby so I have kind of taken care of her. I think it is different with other peoples children though because sometimes they don't like you or they want their parent. So obviously if it was my own baby it would like me and be calm around me. I also used to babysit a 15 month old and I loved it she was so cute and funny and smart.
Yes, babies do normally prefer their primary caregiver... but I wouldn't count on your baby calm. Some babies are very placid and laid-back, but some are very high-needs ant aren't calm by any stretch of the imagination, no matter who is holding the. My youngest was like that; the first 2 were very easy babies (naturally, I thought it because I had this mom thing down)... the third though... dear gawd, the constant crying, every waking moment for the first year, and he only slept for 15-30 minute stretches. The fun part was that he would projectile vomit every time he cried, so I spend most of the day cleaning up and changing his clothes. Over and over and over. It was awful; like being held hostage for a year.

Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 01-15-2016 at 11:21 AM..
 
Old 01-15-2016, 10:48 AM
 
741 posts, read 350,949 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Yeah, it's REALLY dumb.

You sound like a little girl who wants to get married because she wants to be a bride and have all the fun of picking out a dress and walking down the aisle with ***everyone*** looking at her and thinking how beautiful she looks ...

... yet somehow forgetting that after the wedding comes the "being MARRIED" part, which is NOT always so fun and requires you to make selfless decisions with your husband in mind. Oh, yeah. Remember him? The other PERSON involved?

In your pregnancy fantasy, that would be the "perfect little munchkin," who is a PERSON that is completely and totally dependent on you, and is not a fashion accessory.

GET A GRIP, Gab.

You are fantasizing, and your BFF is not helping you. She probably doesn't mean any harm, but telling a single friend to "hurry up and get pregnant so we can have babies together" just sounds like a subplot in some trailer park reality show.

Please seek out friends from school who are doing what you are doing and stop reading online forums where women talk about babies and pregnancy. That's not who you are or what you're about right now.
It's so interesting you said that I used to use a forum where it was all about babies and everyone was way younger than me. It was awful my therapist made me stop using it (and I did... thats when I came here). Anyways I do think I am a lot like that. I mean I have thought about marriage as a whole but even when I was with my ex I wanted everything in pictures. I think about life in cute snap shots like I imagine being pregnant and having cute maternity pictures and belly rubbing and how adorable that is. I imagine going into labor and having my husband there and being "fake" mean because it hurts and then them holding our cute perfect baby. Stuff like that, which I know I am so not helping myself by saying this but I am being honest. On the other hand I acknowledge it would be hard to do and not everything is amazing fun and cute but I just envision it like that. I imagine the military guy having our baby and cuddling him/her and how perfect my life would be if I had that.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 10:52 AM
 
821 posts, read 324,900 times
Reputation: 1703
He was saying he has no friends to prove to me that I shouldn't be worried about when he comes back him not being interested in me
------------------------------------

how can you not see how sad this is? A normal guy wouldn't say this, and a normal girl wouldn't want a guy with no friends and feel happy and need re assurance like this. and what the heck does having no friends have to do with anything. HE SHOULD HAVE FRIENDS. so should you. You should add to each others already full life. Its like the fact he has zero life is a turn on, I don't get it. I don't think you would know what to do with a normal guy, you would flip out if he wanted time alone, a guys night, a guys trips, hobbies without you, wanted to take things slow and not leap into babies and marriage etc. I would be SO incredibly sad if my husband said he didn't have any friends and only wanted me in his life. But it's like that's what you want, it is so dysfunctional.

I don't care if you have wanted him for years, it means nothing, you don't know him and aren't in a real relationship. This guy sounds like a total train wreck. I have seen his type many types, aggression, dominant, rude, thinks above the law (he will think different when he kills someone from driving drunk and goes to jail), and is looking for a weak girl who will do anything to get him and will worship the ground he walks on. I feel so sad for you, such low standards, such desperation, no real joy in your life.


Honestly, the more you type about this guy, the worse he sounds, but you have far bigger issues than this guy or wanting to be a mom. Work on your jealousy and self esteem, work on not being so grateful for any attention from a man, have fun, find friends who aren't in baby land, find friends who know how to be happy single, find hobbies, volunteer, do something other than focusing on having a man as the end all be all of happiness, it's not.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,448 posts, read 38,067,918 times
Reputation: 74405
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
It's so interesting you said that I used to use a forum where it was all about babies and everyone was way younger than me. It was awful my therapist made me stop using it (and I did... thats when I came here). Anyways I do think I am a lot like that. I mean I have thought about marriage as a whole but even when I was with my ex I wanted everything in pictures. I think about life in cute snap shots like I imagine being pregnant and having cute maternity pictures and belly rubbing and how adorable that is. I imagine going into labor and having my husband there and being "fake" mean because it hurts and then them holding our cute perfect baby. Stuff like that, which I know I am so not helping myself by saying this but I am being honest. On the other hand I acknowledge it would be hard to do and not everything is amazing fun and cute but I just envision it like that. I imagine the military guy having our baby and cuddling him/her and how perfect my life would be if I had that.
It's fantasy. It's good that you recognize that.

Military guy is just the current person you're plugging into that fantasy. You're in no way ready to be tied to him for life.

If you're telling your therapist all that stuff and she's not more concerned, then you really should find a new one. But at least you're going and you stopped visiting that other forum.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:02 AM
 
741 posts, read 350,949 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
This is a smart and logical plan. This ^^^ is what you should focus on.
I know it's just hard. All the couples in the world and me just being sad and lonely and babyless.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:06 AM
 
741 posts, read 350,949 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
It's fantasy. It's good that you recognize that.

Military guy is just the current person you're plugging into that fantasy. You're in no way ready to be tied to him for life.

If you're telling your therapist all that stuff and she's not more concerned, then you really should find a new one. But at least you're going and you stopped visiting that other forum.
She doesn't know exactly what I posted in that quoted post because we haven't gotten there yet literally therapy for me is like searching through the rubble. I have to start at the absolute beginning. Right now we are really just getting into the CP which is where i think it should start honestly.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,448 posts, read 38,067,918 times
Reputation: 74405
Every time I think you're taking a step forward, you write something like this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
I know it's just hard. All the couples in the world and me just being sad and lonely and babyless.
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