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Old 01-15-2016, 11:51 AM
 
24 posts, read 13,096 times
Reputation: 37

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While this may sound rude, I promise it isn't, but you really need to see a therapist. Because if you don't get this obsession under control, I'm afraid it will ruin your life. You will end up settling for a man that you may just tolerate, not love, to bore your baby. He may not even turn out to be a good father. I don't know how long you've known this "military guy" for but for him to be gone for 9 months, and then you immediately want him to get you pregnant. . . ? I think you need to take some time to reconnect with him for a few months at least, to make sure he's right for you, to make sure you love him, to make sure it's what you BOTH want. And here's something that few couples discuss before hand- their parenting skills. You need to put the baby's well being in top priority, so you need to find someone who shares your parenting views- not just get knocked up and then discuss it after the fact. You need to sit down with any possible father and have a lengthy discussion through several sessions of how two would have to completely rearrange your budget to be able to financially handle a child, how you would put away funds for college, how you would both want to handle certain situations, if your child did this, how you would punish your child, how you would both feel if your child turned out to be lgbtqia+ (You don't want to end up with a homophobe who disowns your child do you? I sure as hell hope you wouldn't do such a disgusting thing. . . .). Or even to make sure your plausible father would be understanding in the case of emotional issues like anxiety. Would he just not give a **** and force your child to work despite panic attacks and crying at work? What if the child, God Bless their soul, is born being crippled or mentally impaired, requiring for you and your spouse to take care of that child until your death? You know everyone naturally expects to have a healthy child and it really pisses me off to be honest. Not every child is born healthy. You may need to sacrifice the rest of your life to take care of them. Are you READY for that? Hell no if you're still in college with no career. And would he be ready for that? Because if that's not a discussion you two have before hand, he's very likely to walk out and leave you to fend for yourself with the child after a couple years. Also you need to highly consider the fact that you may become a vegetable or die during pregnancy. Obviously it's very rare, but it does happen, and your life unfortunately would end so young which requires important contemplation. You need to think to yourself, "If I were to die during child birth, what I would be okay with that? Would I feel like I've lived a full life? Is my will properly set up?" You need to ask your partner if he would be okay with losing you, for the risk of having a baby, or how he would feel about taking care of both the baby and you if you unfortunately became a vegetable due a lack of oxygen getting to your brain during child birth. What if you're fine but the baby dies? Some people's emotional psychs are very fragile. Could you handle your child dying in your womb? Or would you be traumatized and scared for the rest of your life, blaming yourself and letting it haunt you? And that's just a few examples. You need to cover all grounds.

Secondly, you're still in school dear. You said you'll finish school in a few months but just in case something comes up to where it takes a lot longer, please do NOT have someone get you pregnant while you're still in school. You may be able to slip by if you have that military guy baby sit the baby while you're at school but what happens if you guys break up? You'd be a single mother and have to quit college to take care of the baby. Also think of a budget. I don't know how much money you have but since you're going to college, I can't imagine it would be that much. Your military guy wouldn't have much either. They get so underpaid by the army. A baby is a lot of money, in diapers alone. You need to really evaluate your budget and make sure it wouldn't put you in poverty.

Everyone thinks that having a baby is all fun, which it seems to me is the false conception that you have, but it's not. It's a lot of work and a lot of stress, and I'm sure they'll be tears involved. It will test your relationship like nothing else and put a lot of strain on it. Why do you think so many parents get divorces? Financial stress is hugely responsible for break ups but if you have a kid, you simply won't have time to spend with your partner, which is why the spark goes away for so many of them, which is why they drift apart and either get a divorce (which is very wrong to do to the kid) or stay together for the kid's sake and just pretend to be happy for 10+ years for the emotional stability of their child. Are you ready for ANY of this? Or do you just want to buy cute clothes for them.

Hope that was enough of a buzz kill to subdue your obsession. Good luck.

 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,861 posts, read 4,554,426 times
Reputation: 1932
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
12 is birthday month. Didn't put the day because that's too personal.

I was just browsing and saw a post about the best and worst things about having kids and someone basically said "having your heart live outside your body" that's so amazing like I just know how much I want a baby. I would be an amazing mom I know it. I really think when he comes back I'm going to try unless I meet and date someone sooner but I don't want to. The way I see it... I graduate in may if I got pregnant tomorrow I would still be 4-5 months along I should have a job by then or close to having one. I will be moving out of my apartment into another likely. Also my parents are great they would help if I needed it
Come spend a little time with a moody tween girl like I have. You haven't mentioned ONCE anything about having a child who is older than an infant. Babies do grow, you know? Have you dealt with a screaming toddler? How about a grumpy elementary school student? How about a hostile, defiant teenager who most assuredly will not be cuddling with you and pledging their undying love on a daily basis? Have you looked up the average cost of raising a child? Do you enjoy putting 100% effort into a relationship where the recipient takes you for granted and often ignores you completely? What if the child has ADHD, autism, or a physical disability?

If you are indeed a real person, get your feet wet as a Social Worker first. Wait until you've worked with single mothers with multiple children who are STRUGGLING and need government assistance. Wait until you've worked with families who have been torn apart by divorce because their parents jumped into marriage too quickly or had a "shotgun" wedding. I also strongly agree with those who suggested that you pursue some intense babysitting or becoming a Big Sister.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. And it is DEFINITELY not for someone who can't handle some degree of rejection or needs constant reassurance. Frankly, I don't believe you have the ego strength to handle it. Go to therapy, DO THE WORK, and be honest. Your therapist would certainly be horrified to read all of this. Do you express these thoughts in session?
 
Old 01-15-2016, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,185 posts, read 3,869,085 times
Reputation: 6266
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
So you're saying I can't be a wife, mom or do the job I've been studying for and devoting all my resources to. Great you're super team optimism and encouragement.
What I'm saying is that you're in a tough place right now and you have some work to do to get your head on straight before pursuing a career that requires a high degree of emotional intelligence and stability.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 01:00 PM
 
24 posts, read 13,096 times
Reputation: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by patches403 View Post
Hey everyone, please quit feeding the OP troll. You're repeating the same things over and over again that have already been posted hundreds of times in this and 3 other threads the OP has made about basically the same subject. Don't waste your time.
They're not a troll. :/ Teenagers and young adults very rarely have slightest idea of what raising a kid entails. Did you when you were young? Or should I say, do you? It gets dangerous though when young teenagers and young women want a baby purely for the "fun" of it, filled with the misconceptions that it's all about the cutesy stuff. They're not trolling. They're reaching out to get help for a problem that they have, gosh. Nothing anyone is saying is helping their obsession (clearly, because they need a therapist), so they just go someplace else hoping to run into someone who will say the right thing to them. That's what people do when they have a problem. You're being insensitive. Watch The Pregnancy Pact so you get an idea of how bad this is, or at least read the plot summary for this true story.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 01:04 PM
 
24 posts, read 13,096 times
Reputation: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524 View Post
What I'm saying is that you're in a tough place right now and you have some work to do to get your head on straight before pursuing a career that requires a high degree of emotional intelligence and stability.
You're too nice Garfunkle. Despite Gab12's sarcasm, I think she hit it right on the head. No you can't graduate college and try to look for a career while raising a baby and the fact that you think you can, shows that you don't know how hard raising a child will be. I mean there's a pretty good reason why teen mothers always have to drop out of high school, HIGH SCHOOL, not college or careers which are even more demanding.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 01:22 PM
 
1,056 posts, read 870,506 times
Reputation: 2402
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alix. View Post
They're not a troll. :/ Teenagers and young adults very rarely have slightest idea of what raising a kid entails. Did you when you were young? Or should I say, do you? It gets dangerous though when young teenagers and young women want a baby purely for the "fun" of it, filled with the misconceptions that it's all about the cutesy stuff. They're not trolling. They're reaching out to get help for a problem that they have, gosh. Nothing anyone is saying is helping their obsession (clearly, because they need a therapist), so they just go someplace else hoping to run into someone who will say the right thing to them. That's what people do when they have a problem. You're being insensitive. Watch The Pregnancy Pact so you get an idea of how bad this is, or at least read the plot summary for this true story.
Apparently you haven't read much of this thread or the 3 other threads the OP has started about the same subject. If you had, you would know the OP says she is a 25 year old grad student, says she has had a lot of therapy and currently has a therapist whose advice she is not following. The OP may not have started out trolling, but she's certainly trolling now because she keeps making additional posts that appear to have no purpose other than to get a reaction and keep this thread going to get more people to continue to post the same advice that has already been given to her hundreds of times before.

Last edited by patches403; 01-15-2016 at 02:44 PM..
 
Old 01-15-2016, 01:30 PM
 
1,039 posts, read 606,699 times
Reputation: 1730
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
25 and in high school I remember they stopped that program for whatever reason. I haven't ever had a pet. When I move after graduation I might get a puppy but idk depends on my schedule I'm not a big animal person


Babies are like puppies


they want feeding constantly


whine all the time


too much attention is never enough


its also quite painful (little known fact) babies bite your boobs, pull at your hair, try to tear your nose off, scratch at you on purpose, headbang, run into traffic, jump on you All Night, mess themselves then roll around in it, all sorts of horrible and uncontrollable and annoying things.


They are tiny narcissists with two holes that never seem to stop regardless of what time of the day or night is


and that's at the Cute Stage


wait till theyre 14 and turn around and tell you You Don't Know Anything So Shut Up and slam their doors so hard the whole house shakes


my friend was telling me she gave her 21 yr old $200 cash at Christmas which was slung on the ground "is that effin all? shove it"


Yes potentially 22 years of the above...or more if they finish their degree......which btw Also Costs...
 
Old 01-15-2016, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Milwaukee
2,951 posts, read 1,654,475 times
Reputation: 1787
You should try texting him some more since his birthday is coming up soon.


A military man is a great catch! Do whatever it takes.
 
Old 01-15-2016, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Lafayette, LA
3,270 posts, read 2,477,313 times
Reputation: 7221
Has no one noticed that the OP has mentioned several times that she has CP? She walks with a cane and said earlier in this thread that she thinks she will need help handling the baby, as in picking it up, etc.

OP, have you talked to your doctor about possible complications getting pregnant and giving birth with this disorder? I am not very familiar at all, but I think it's possible to go through a pregnancy with CP. But I believe you should have a strong support system in order to do so.

This is just another issue that screams "WAIT"!
 
Old 01-15-2016, 02:42 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,071 posts, read 13,747,950 times
Reputation: 36712
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie Jean McGee View Post
Babies are like puppies




...

Yeah, and people wanting puppies oftentimes don't want them once the full measure (growth) of responsibility is realized. The pound and world are full of "puppies" of all kinds that got dumped of physically and/or emotionally. Get a pet rock.
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