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Old 01-16-2016, 09:53 AM
 
914 posts, read 700,159 times
Reputation: 926

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Don't have a baby because you want one. Have one when you found the decent guy whom loves and respects you.Children are a full time job and major responsibilty.
and EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE.

 
Old 01-16-2016, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,471 posts, read 15,905,878 times
Reputation: 38735
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE View Post
I did not read all the posts.

Here is my perspective.

I am a father of 6 kids, 5 boys and a girl. My wife and I have had our challenges over the years. Marriage is not easy. Having kids is even harder.

Here is what I am thinking.

1. Do not get pregnant to try and trap any guy. That route seldom if ever works out and 1. You will either end up being a single mom. or 2. You will end up being a single divorced mom. 3. You will end up in a marriage that you are not going to want to be in. 4. You could just pull it off and the guy stays with you and you are happy. I see this happening maybe if you are lucky. History shows that it seldom works out the way you think it will work out.

2. Do not live with a man that you are not married to. Many women seem to think this is the next step and it will turn into an engagement and marriage. The man is not thinking the same thing that you are. The man is done. He has someone to sleep with. Within a year he will be looking for a way to end it and move on to someone else. You have a 20% chance of getting married and if you do get married you have a 40% chance of making it to the five year mark. Living with someone before a marriage is a sure fire way to set yourself up for a divorce later on in life.

3. They used to say that 50% of all marriages end in Divorce. That was never the case. The divorce rate hit 36% I think and has declined since then. More couples are staying married now than in past years. Still the divorce rate is over 25%. You do not want to set yourself up for failure.

4. You mention wanting a baby and both you and your proposed hubby working. What do you plan on doing with the baby? Do you know what it cost for infant care? Do you know that their is a cost associated with you working outside of the home. I know personally half a dozen moms that work and make just enough money so they can keep working. One floored me. She wanted an Escalade. She works to make the payments, pay the insurance, child care for three kids, and work clothes so she can work. She has nothing left after that. In our area it can cost you $120 and up a week for a kid that is in school. It cost more when they are at the day care provider all day. It can be cheaper if you use a non licensed provider. I don't know anyone that will do it for less than $100 a week.

5. Lack of sleep. The early years are filled with sleepless nights and if you are both going to work, you will be tired at work and get to come back home and do it all again. My wife and I took turns staying up with kids that were sick over the years. There were times that I, a grown man, wanted to cry because I was too warn out from taking care of kids and working full time. Oh I don't miss those times at all. Realize that many times child care providers will not watch sick kids. They can not take a chance of getting the other kids sick.

6. Helping with homework, school projects, field trips, enrichment activities. We are down to our three youngest. The older three are in college. The two youngest are my priority now as they always have me go over their homework, help with school projects, take them to TaiKwonDo after I get home from work. Additionally teaching the kids important things like how to swim, ride a bike, read, read to them before they go to bed.

The above list is not even a drop in the barrel. Having kids is a lot of work, cost a lot of money, in the end is worth it though.
My son lives in a high COL area, it is hard to find infant care for less than $100 A DAY. I live in a medium COL area and even the non-licensed care providers charge at least $200 a week for infant care. Many people save up for years before they have a child, juggle their work schedules so that they can minimize the amount of care needed or end up a extended maternity/paternity leaves even if it greatly effects their long range career plans.


The OP complained that she did not think that she could afford to support herself on her income, just imagine spending in $100, $200 or $500 a week just for infant care. Wowwzer! That should open the OPs eyes to reality.
 
Old 01-16-2016, 11:42 AM
 
741 posts, read 348,004 times
Reputation: 178
I haven't stopped reading I just haven't replied because I feel like I have gotten really good advice. So obviously no babies tomorrow, while I want so much to have a husband and babies before 30 I assume I could wait. I guess I'll just finish school and find a job then check in on my dating life and maybe having babies next year. Hopefully by then I'll have more going for me.

I still don't understand how there are people in this world way worse off than me with husbands and babies and I'm being told to wait for forever but I understand. I hate it lol but I understand it.
 
Old 01-16-2016, 11:50 AM
 
10,388 posts, read 7,467,722 times
Reputation: 18308
Go volunteer at a hospital and see if you can get your baby-fix while contributing to society.
 
Old 01-16-2016, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Mt Shasta , Ca.
1,806 posts, read 1,242,662 times
Reputation: 3795
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
I still don't understand how there are people in this world way worse off than me with husbands and babies and I'm being told to wait for forever but I understand. I hate it lol but I understand it.
Believe ALL of us when I say to the above statement that their lives are a LIVING HELL . They may not ever say that but it is .

I know and I was never unmarried & preg nor did I ever live with a dude ( and I am a very liberal little hippy chick of 53 - don't want you to think I'm a stodgy old prude woman in stretch clothes )
 
Old 01-16-2016, 12:26 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,169 posts, read 608,427 times
Reputation: 1523
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
This thread has officially derailed.

Unless someone draws you a husband, like they do at Disney, you will not have a "love like that."
Just because you didnt doesnt mean I wont.
 
Old 01-16-2016, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,026 posts, read 37,656,456 times
Reputation: 73631
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
.... I'm being told to wait for forever but I understand.
NO one has said that.
 
Old 01-16-2016, 01:01 PM
 
741 posts, read 348,004 times
Reputation: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
NO one has said that.
I was exaggerating. No one us saying forever I know but it just feels long since I'm 25 already. I think someone suggested 3 years which is great if I have a guy by then
 
Old 01-16-2016, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,026 posts, read 37,656,456 times
Reputation: 73631
Quote:
Originally Posted by upsadaisy View Post
Just because you didnt doesnt mean I wont.
 
Old 01-16-2016, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,026 posts, read 37,656,456 times
Reputation: 73631
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
I was exaggerating. No one us saying forever I know but it just feels long since I'm 25 already. I think someone suggested 3 years which is great if I have a guy by then
Ok, are we done here?

You're just messing around now, and the conversation has become VERY circular. You've gotten GREAT advice from a lot of smart people, and you seem to have backed off the ledge a bit.

Let the smart side of you rule and use more restraint with the compulsive side. Focus on the productive stuff you're actually doing instead of the fantasies that aren't in your circle of influence.
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