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The freakiness some people get over pregnancy reminds me of something my Mom told me. She was talking to one of my friend's mothers. They were discussing the WORST THING IN THE WORLD that could happen to us. Friend's mom said pregnancy. My Mom was like... m'kay. Not cancer. Getting hit by a bus....
That is strikingly similar to a story that my aunt told me. Her friend was terribly upset that her granddaughter was pregnant and only a teenage. My aunt (who had been an unwed mother, herself) said that it would be bad but could turn out OK and there were many, many things that was far worse but her friend was inconsolable.
Sadly, something far worse did affect my family a short time later. My aunt's granddaughter went missing. Later her body was found. She had been brutally tortured and murdered by two of her HS classmates in a thrill killing. My aunt even knew the boys that murdered her granddaughter as they sometimes stopped by her house together and she served them home-made cookies and milk.
So, everyone, yes it is very important to teach your children about sex & birth control but remember to keep everything in proper perceptive. And, be sure to also teach your children about love, respect and caring for your fellow human beings. (I'll now step off my soap box)
I'm trying to avoid going down this path because it's so controversial, but she and I are both pro-choice. That said, it's a choice I hope she never has to make. But I've told her that her dad and I would support whatever decision she made in those circumstances.
Especially if you're pro choice I would sit down and watch VIDEOS of what an abortion entails, together. Of course pre screen them so you know what you're watching meets your standard of legitimacy.
I would look at the MOST RADICAL pro life ones I could find. That's how I go shopping - for the most EXPENSIVE handbag, then work my way to my preference.
I'm sure as a pro choice person YOU want to be 100% informed, too, correct? If you don't feel qualified to do that I'd take her to a doctor to explain it. But to ME, that's a cop out for someone who says they're pro choice.
I would show her ultrasounds etc of how a fetus develops.
THAT is the honesty. Not letting her believe it's a "clump of cells" that resemble biology in high school. She should see EXACTLY what is being aborted and how.
The graphic shock may really outweigh the hormonal urges if she's not prepared when the time comes. And the time WILL COME, guarantee you.
I'd also review all the STD material that she "thinks" she knows.
All that being said, it's a crap shoot.
I personally, addressed my son AND his girlfriends together ALL THE TIME.
Even when he got an apartment and was older, I constantly reinforced to my darling ADD BOY, how girls "forget" the pill and triple up, etc etc etc. And to NEVER assume she was protected. NEVER. Including STDs. So ALWAYS wear a condom. ALWAYS. I even said it to the girls. ALWAYS. There is also the problem of antibiotics impacting the pill, last time I heard. I've been off it for decades.
I also threatened to bring over a projector and paint a mural of MY FACE on the ceiling as a reminder over the bed.
They were hysterical laughing.
So given MY personality, I'd also include HIM in the education. Even IF his parents freak out.
Let's be HONEST here, it will always be the girls' responsibility and FAULT if they get pregnant unplanned.
I would say IUD but I seem to remember my OB saying that wasn't for child bearing aged women. I had one and it was great. Go speak with yours.
She should be having an exam now anyway. (sorry if you said she has, I didn't read everything)
Last edited by runswithscissors; 01-19-2016 at 08:33 AM..
I understand that you want to be proactive and keep your children from dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. But by your comments, it appears that your children are pre-pubescent and your feelings on it may change. Your daughter may start her period at 11 or 12 and still be very much a young girl who thinks boys are icky. As far as rape goes, the morning after pill can deal with the potential for pregnancy in that situation.
I applaud you for wanting to help your kids avoid pregnancy. But I encourage you to be a bit more flexible in your thinking when the time comes. At least part of the goal of parenting is to help children learn to think for themselves. If you force your daughter onto hormonal BC the minute she starts to have periods, it may have the effect of undermining her confidence in her ability to make decisions about her own body.
Absolutely I could change my mind. The final decision will have a lot to do with her physical maturity when she has her first period and also how her personality evolves between now and then. So far she seems to be a risk taker and also seems more than capable of defending herself and that will all figure in to it when the time comes. It won't undermine her confidence if we present it to her properly though, I believe. Present it as a responsible precaution and not an indication that we don't trust her and she should be fine. And it's not like I'm going to make some big deal about it. I won't be storming around the house demanding we get her on the pill or something. Ultimately though, while she is a minor the final decision will belong to her mother and myself and not her, as with any medical decision.
That is strikingly similar to a story that my aunt told me. Her friend was terribly upset that her granddaughter was pregnant and only a teenage. My aunt (who had been an unwed mother, herself) said that it would be bad but could turn out OK and there were many, many things that was far worse but her friend was inconsolable.
Sadly, something far worse did affect my family a short time later. My aunt's granddaughter went missing. Later her body was found. She had been brutally tortured and murdered by two of her HS classmates in a thrill killing. My aunt even knew the boys that murdered her granddaughter as they sometimes stopped by her house together and she served them home-made cookies and milk.
So, everyone, yes it is very important to teach your children about sex & birth control but remember to keep everything in proper perceptive. And, be sure to also teach your children about love, respect and caring for your fellow human beings. (I'll now step off my soap box)
Absolutely I could change my mind. The final decision will have a lot to do with her physical maturity when she has her first period and also how her personality evolves between now and then. So far she seems to be a risk taker and also seems more than capable of defending herself and that will all figure in to it when the time comes. It won't undermine her confidence if we present it to her properly though, I believe. Present it as a responsible precaution and not an indication that we don't trust her and she should be fine. And it's not like I'm going to make some big deal about it. I won't be storming around the house demanding we get her on the pill or something. Ultimately though, while she is a minor the final decision will belong to her mother and myself and not her, as with any medical decision.
You sound like a thoughtful parent and I'll be curious about how it plays out for you. If you're still on CD, let us know.
Absolutely I could change my mind. The final decision will have a lot to do with her physical maturity when she has her first period and also how her personality evolves between now and then. So far she seems to be a risk taker and also seems more than capable of defending herself and that will all figure in to it when the time comes. It won't undermine her confidence if we present it to her properly though, I believe. Present it as a responsible precaution and not an indication that we don't trust her and she should be fine. And it's not like I'm going to make some big deal about it. I won't be storming around the house demanding we get her on the pill or something. Ultimately though, while she is a minor the final decision will belong to her mother and myself and not her, as with any medical decision.
Are you sure? I was under the impression that minors have some rights in regards to medical decisions once they are older, especially sexual health decisions.
Especially if you're pro choice I would sit down and watch VIDEOS of what an abortion entails, together. Of course pre screen them so you know what you're watching meets your standard of legitimacy.
I would look at the MOST RADICAL pro life ones I could find. That's how I go shopping - for the most EXPENSIVE handbag, then work my way to my preference.
I'm sure as a pro choice person YOU want to be 100% informed, too, correct? If you don't feel qualified to do that I'd take her to a doctor to explain it. But to ME, that's a cop out for someone who says they're pro choice.
I would show her ultrasounds etc of how a fetus develops.
THAT is the honesty. Not letting her believe it's a "clump of cells" that resemble biology in high school. She should see EXACTLY what is being aborted and how.
The graphic shock may really outweigh the hormonal urges if she's not prepared when the time comes. And the time WILL COME, guarantee you.
I'd also review all the STD material that she "thinks" she knows.
All that being said, it's a crap shoot.
I personally, addressed my son AND his girlfriends together ALL THE TIME.
Even when he got an apartment and was older, I constantly reinforced to my darling ADD BOY, how girls "forget" the pill and triple up, etc etc etc. And to NEVER assume she was protected. NEVER. Including STDs. So ALWAYS wear a condom. ALWAYS. I even said it to the girls. ALWAYS. There is also the problem of antibiotics impacting the pill, last time I heard. I've been off it for decades.
I also threatened to bring over a projector and paint a mural of MY FACE on the ceiling as a reminder over the bed.
They were hysterical laughing.
So given MY personality, I'd also include HIM in the education. Even IF his parents freak out.
Let's be HONEST here, it will always be the girls' responsibility and FAULT if they get pregnant unplanned.
I would say IUD but I seem to remember my OB saying that wasn't for child bearing aged women. I had one and it was great. Go speak with yours.
She should be having an exam now anyway. (sorry if you said she has, I didn't read everything)
C o l o r coded responses!
Way to win friends and influence people there!
You think? That's not the way it works IRL! Those teen hormones take over and all the videos, yada, yada are long forgotten.
Make sure you have the correct info first! The kid may know more than you do!
Fact: "Most prescription antibiotics and oral contraceptives come with safety inserts that warn of certain drugs that can compromise the effectiveness of oral contraceptives. Research has revealed that one drug, Rifampin, (used to treat tuberculosis and meningitis) may interfere with birth control. ... However, certain medicines and supplements may also reduce the effectiveness of oral contraception. These include the following:
The antifungal Griseofulvin
Certain HIV medications
Certain anti-seizure medications
St. John’s wort"
Overstepping your bounds a bit there!
Judgmental!
Well, I see you don't know everything. This has been discussed extensively. There are some IUDs appropriate for women who haven't had babies.
You do not seem to be familiar with the latest recommendations regarding same.
I find this whole thing pretty overbearing, but maybe that's just me.
If the kid does not know they they don't WANT to get pregnant at 16, then they have bigger problems.
Ah, yes, they do. The girls in the lower-class, zero-income communities where some of my wife' family lives WANT to get pregnant, over and over. They have access to free birth control, starting in 7th grade (!). They don't use it. Or they lie and say they're using it, then don't use it because they want the babies. The next generation in these communities will never have a chance.
Yes. You never know if they are having sex, and rape can happen to anyone. Teen pregnancy is one of the most surefire ways of ruining a child's potential future, and teens are not always capable of understanding the potential ramifications of their impulsive actions. And a rapist doesn't care about the ramifications. So long as it remains legal for teens to use birth control, it will remain within my purview to ensure they use it while under my guardianship. Their good sense will ensure they continue to use it post emancipation.
In your hypothetical case of a random rape attack, I guess you have never heard of Plan B?
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