U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-15-2016, 10:51 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,540,656 times
Reputation: 23714

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post

Anyway, they should just make a birth control dart gun for both boys and girls... you just shoot them in the butt on their way out of the house lol!
Wouldn't that be nice! Side effects free, of course.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-15-2016, 10:55 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,398 posts, read 38,028,182 times
Reputation: 74332
This is a really difficult question because, for women, it is an entirely different kind of question than it is for men.

I mean, I have three boys, and I'm not going to try to tell you what to tell your daughter, OP. But reading the various replies and considering our discussions with our two who are older than 18 has made it very clear that the considerations for our female children are so much more involved.

Because of the limited varieties of BC available for men, using it can be a "game-time decision" for them, whereas with women, the "most effective" varieties are the ones that you have to take into account every day. It becomes something that is part of your health routine and not just something that you "put on" in the heat of the moment.

At that point, since you're already using it every day (or carrying it around, in the case of the IUD), there can be the tendency to start to think, "I'm already doing all this crap. I might as well get the benefit of it."

So I understand the fear some have that getting a daughter started on BC could compel her to have sex. There's also the fear that you're sending your daughter out unprotected if you DON'T.

Just sending supportive thoughts your way. In my experience, we usually suspected our bright, good kids of WAY more wrongdoing than they actually participated in. It even became a joke with one of my kids, who would say on his way out the door, "I know, I know ... Don't drink. No drugs. Stay in school." But still ... being wrong in this case is not something that's easy to overcome.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 10:58 AM
 
15,208 posts, read 16,117,725 times
Reputation: 25170
Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. I thought I might get criticized for not having an authoritarian approach to this issue and am pleased that that has not been the case.

At this point I'm sort of inclined to have a modified all-of-the-above approach. I think I may reiterate that I really think she should wait to have sex, but get her some condoms and sponges just in case. I'll explain that they're not as effective as some other forms of BC, but are much better than nothing. I'll tell her that if she ends up using them, that it means she either needs to ask me to make her an appt. with the OB/GYN or she needs to go to the local Planned Parenthood.

I know some people believe that a parent obtaining the BC may be seen by the child as approval, but I'll just be clear about that. I'd rather take my chances that she thinks I'm giving her approval than take my chances that they are overcome by hormones and have sex without BC.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,255,068 times
Reputation: 10156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. I thought I might get criticized for not having an authoritarian approach to this issue and am pleased that that has not been the case.

At this point I'm sort of inclined to have a modified all-of-the-above approach. I think I may reiterate that I really think she should wait to have sex, but get her some condoms and sponges just in case. I'll explain that they're not as effective as some other forms of BC, but are much better than nothing. I'll tell her that if she ends up using them, that it means she either needs to ask me to make her an appt. with the OB/GYN or she needs to go to the local Planned Parenthood.

I know some people believe that a parent obtaining the BC may be seen by the child as approval, but I'll just be clear about that. I'd rather take my chances that she thinks I'm giving her approval than take my chances that they are overcome by hormones and have sex without BC.
Very wise approach.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:07 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,540,656 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. I thought I might get criticized for not having an authoritarian approach to this issue and am pleased that that has not been the case.

At this point I'm sort of inclined to have a modified all-of-the-above approach. I think I may reiterate that I really think she should wait to have sex, but get her some condoms and sponges just in case. I'll explain that they're not as effective as some other forms of BC, but are much better than nothing. I'll tell her that if she ends up using them, that it means she either needs to ask me to make her an appt. with the OB/GYN or she needs to go to the local Planned Parenthood.

I know some people believe that a parent obtaining the BC may be seen by the child as approval, but I'll just be clear about that. I'd rather take my chances that she thinks I'm giving her approval than take my chances that they are overcome by hormones and have sex without BC.
Sounds like a good plan
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:14 AM
 
12,943 posts, read 19,885,336 times
Reputation: 34068
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. I thought I might get criticized for not having an authoritarian approach to this issue and am pleased that that has not been the case.

At this point I'm sort of inclined to have a modified all-of-the-above approach. I think I may reiterate that I really think she should wait to have sex, but get her some condoms and sponges just in case. I'll explain that they're not as effective as some other forms of BC, but are much better than nothing. I'll tell her that if she ends up using them, that it means she either needs to ask me to make her an appt. with the OB/GYN or she needs to go to the local Planned Parenthood.

I know some people believe that a parent obtaining the BC may be seen by the child as approval, but I'll just be clear about that. I'd rather take my chances that she thinks I'm giving her approval than take my chances that they are overcome by hormones and have sex without BC.
I think you're doing a fine job Marlow.

No daughters here, but I would like to think I'd handle it as you plan to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,601 posts, read 9,463,232 times
Reputation: 9211
Quote:
Originally Posted by mortpes View Post
The fact that she has a boyfriend is the best indication for the need for birth control. I suggest that you have all the tools needed readily available to her (at her bedside) should and when there is a need.
??? Her bedside? Teen-agers don't only have sex in their bedrooms. Just the opposite. There have been some amazingly good responses and some unsurprisingly bad ones. I agree with your first point hat the mere fact that the 17y.o. is in a serious relationship that BC should be in place. My last ex is British and it is apparently very common for girls to go on BC at 16 even if they aren't sexually active yet. In my experience NONE of my previous exes were ever on BC. Ever. Even as an adult in my 30's I was pulling out like a teen-ager because my adult partners could tell me, chapter and verse all the health risks and drawbacks of all the BC methods they knew of. And none of them knew about IUD's, Pellets, Injections or low dose pills. Or female condoms for that matter. Once I found out about them I discovered that I preferred the female condom to the standard kind. I think lots of other men would too. But very few people know about them.

All that said, truthfully I don't think this should be about BC! This really should be about what should be done if BC fails or if sex takes place without BC. Plan B is a great idea. But what if it is too late for that? I for one do NOT think that it then must become a matter of how best to raise the child. I am sure to pick up a lot of hate, maybe from the o.p. herself, but, she asked. You can't force BC on anyone nor can you make sure they use it correctly. One can, IMO, prevent a tragedy from becoming a disaster however. That power does exist, if one can summon the necessary resolve to consider termination and see that it is in the best interest for their child that is in trouble, when you know that you can do that, you can relax because you have a fool proof Plan C. You will be a lot less 'annoying' to be around. Win-win-win. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:31 AM
 
12,943 posts, read 19,885,336 times
Reputation: 34068
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm View Post
??? Her bedside? Teen-agers don't only have sex in their bedrooms. Just the opposite. There have been some amazingly good responses and some unsurprisingly bad ones. I agree with your first point hat the mere fact that the 17y.o. is in a serious relationship that BC should be in place. My last ex is British and it is apparently very common for girls to go on BC at 16 even if they aren't sexually active yet. In my experience NONE of my previous exes were ever on BC. Ever. Even as an adult in my 30's I was pulling out like a teen-ager because my adult partners could tell me, chapter and verse all the health risks and drawbacks of all the BC methods they knew of. And none of them knew about IUD's, Pellets, Injections or low dose pills. Or female condoms for that matter. Once I found out about them I discovered that I preferred the female condom to the standard kind. I think lots of other men would too. But very few people know about them.

All that said, truthfully I don't think this should be about BC! This really should be about what should be done if BC fails or if sex takes place without BC. Plan B is a great idea. But what if it is too late for that? I for one do NOT think that it then must become a matter of how best to raise the child. I am sure to pick up a lot of hate, maybe from the o.p. herself, but, she asked. You can't force BC on anyone nor can you make sure they use it correctly. One can, IMO, prevent a tragedy from becoming a disaster however. That power does exist, if one can summon the necessary resolve to consider termination and see that it is in the best interest for their child that is in trouble, when you know that you can do that, you can relax because you have a fool proof Plan C. You will be a lot less 'annoying' to be around. Win-win-win. Good luck.
I am pro-choice. Even so, I hate the thought of it being used as back-up birth control. It's far easier, safer, and less traumatic to make sure a pregnancy doesn't occur in the first place.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 11:58 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,269,666 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. I thought I might get criticized for not having an authoritarian approach to this issue and am pleased that that has not been the case.

At this point I'm sort of inclined to have a modified all-of-the-above approach. I think I may reiterate that I really think she should wait to have sex, but get her some condoms and sponges just in case. I'll explain that they're not as effective as some other forms of BC, but are much better than nothing. I'll tell her that if she ends up using them, that it means she either needs to ask me to make her an appt. with the OB/GYN or she needs to go to the local Planned Parenthood.

I know some people believe that a parent obtaining the BC may be seen by the child as approval, but I'll just be clear about that. I'd rather take my chances that she thinks I'm giving her approval than take my chances that they are overcome by hormones and have sex without BC.
Not hearing a lot on STI transmission. If that is not also on your radar, it should be. Condoms are better. Condoms plus something else, even better.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,070 posts, read 99,122,332 times
Reputation: 31549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. I thought I might get criticized for not having an authoritarian approach to this issue and am pleased that that has not been the case.

At this point I'm sort of inclined to have a modified all-of-the-above approach. I think I may reiterate that I really think she should wait to have sex, but get her some condoms and sponges just in case. I'll explain that they're not as effective as some other forms of BC, but are much better than nothing. I'll tell her that if she ends up using them, that it means she either needs to ask me to make her an appt. with the OB/GYN or she needs to go to the local Planned Parenthood.

I know some people believe that a parent obtaining the BC may be seen by the child as approval, but I'll just be clear about that. I'd rather take my chances that she thinks I'm giving her approval than take my chances that they are overcome by hormones and have sex without BC.
I think your approach is good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Not hearing a lot on STI transmission. If that is not also on your radar, it should be. Condoms are better. Condoms plus something else, even better.
Well, now that you bring it up. . . ! I was considering saying make sure she's had her HPV series, but I didn't really want to go down that rat hole with this group. However, it is my opinion that she should have this vaccine. Hopefully, the guy too, but he's not the OP's responsibility and fewer guys than girls get it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top