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Old 01-15-2016, 03:41 PM
 
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I have only sons, ages 16 and 20, so I hope it's OK for me to chime in here even though I've never had a daughter. But I think if it were me, I'd want her on BC. And I'd also make sure she had condoms, too, in case the boy didn't have them. You should never trust just one form of BC. Unless it is something your faith/religion is against, I just feel like it would be better to be safe than sorry.

I'm sure you have already, but you might want to be sure she knows all the ways you can get STDs... a lot of the kids I've met these days thought you cannot get sick with oral or anal sex, so that's what they do instead. Make sure she knows the dangers of anal and oral sex. More boys/kids are watching all kinds of crazy porn online now and so they are a lot more knowledgeable and adventurous sexually. I also know how charming and persuasive boys can be when they want something.
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Old 01-15-2016, 04:14 PM
 
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I would take her to the OB gyn, make sure the doc knows she has your blessing and leave them alone together. I would also buy a big box of condoms and leave them without comment in her room somewhere. Someone told me once their parents kept condoms in the family bathroom and just kept the box stocked. All the friends got their condoms from there. I think I will do this when my children are older.
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Old 01-15-2016, 04:31 PM
 
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I will chime in here on the porn issue. I may be green, but I was shocked to find out the kinds of porn some teens I know had seen and what their thoughts were on the matter. I overheard a conversation one day. Needless to say, these kids really think sex is like what they've seen in porn and that, for ex., girls want a*al sex all the time. I guess that is something parents will have to add to the "sex talk" (although to be clear, I don't agree with one sex talk - talking steadily and normally about it through the middle school and teen years is best)
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Old 01-15-2016, 04:47 PM
 
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My daughter was in a fairly unusual circumstance that due to a medical condition she had been on the pill since she was about 13 but the week before junior prom she asked me to take her to go by condoms because she was "ready". Apparently her boyfriend (also a virgin) was too scared to buy them. I was glad she was thinking about keeping herself medically safe as well as having a back up plan for the pill.

OP consider getting your daughter some condoms as well as getting pregnant is just one of the possible unwanted outcomes from having unprotected sex.
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Old 01-15-2016, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clarksvillemom View Post
I will chime in here on the porn issue. I may be green, but I was shocked to find out the kinds of porn some teens I know had seen and what their thoughts were on the matter. I overheard a conversation one day. Needless to say, these kids really think sex is like what they've seen in porn and that, for ex., girls want a*al sex all the time. I guess that is something parents will have to add to the "sex talk" (although to be clear, I don't agree with one sex talk - talking steadily and normally about it through the middle school and teen years is best)

On another tangent.


I vividly remember the discussions that I had with my children and their friends after the President Clinton incident with Monica Lewinski. They insisted that oral sex was not sex, just like kissing was not sex. I kept saying "But, it even has sex in it's name" and they kept insisting that oral sex was "just like kissing" and was not sex.


I finally had to accept that I was never going to change their minds on that issue and my brain would explode if I tried to explain yet again how, IMHO, oral sex was a type of sexual behavior. BTW, please don't try to convince me that oral sex if "just like shaking hands and saying hello to a good friend" like one teen told me as my head may actually explode.


Internet porn was not as easily available at that time. I think it must be much harder for parents today to have that discussion. But, it is important to discuss it.
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Old 01-15-2016, 05:52 PM
 
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I put my daughter on birth control when she was 15. We always had an open dialogue about sex and I knew she wasn't sexually active yet but I didn't want to wait until it was too late. I was a little paranoid though because I got pregnant with her at just 16 and I was terrified that she was going to get pregnant young even though she was nothing like me.

At first she didn't want to go on it because she wasn't sexually active and she was embarrassed to get an exam so we ended up going to Planned Parenthood where an exam isn't required. I know some people might not agree that I basically forced her to go on birth control but I did what I thought was best for her in the long run.
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Old 01-15-2016, 06:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
On another tangent.


I vividly remember the discussions that I had with my children and their friends after the President Clinton incident with Monica Lewinski. They insisted that oral sex was not sex, just like kissing was not sex. I kept saying "But, it even has sex in it's name" and they kept insisting that oral sex was "just like kissing" and was not sex.


I finally had to accept that I was never going to change their minds on that issue and my brain would explode if I tried to explain yet again how, IMHO, oral sex was a type of sexual behavior. BTW, please don't try to convince me that oral sex if "just like shaking hands and saying hello to a good friend" like one teen told me as my head may actually explode.


Internet porn was not as easily available at that time. I think it must be much harder for parents today to have that discussion. But, it is important to discuss it.
My oldest boys are in their early 20s and they grew up thinking oral sex was not sex. I happen to know they were receiving (not giving) oral sex a couple years before they "lost their virginity". Nothing I could say made it seem like oral sex was any more then a party game or a fun thing girl do.

What bothered me the most was they didn't give, only received They said that is "how it is". I talked to an adolescent therapist and he said things have changed...and its just "like that now".

When I was a teen, oral sex was something you only did long after you became sexually active. It was usually for committed couples and slightly embarrassing. us girls would admit it sheepishly and talk about how gross it was but we got used to it. Again, girls receiving wasn't too common.

And I too blame Bill Clinton...although I think he was a good president, I think he changed things with "sex" v. "not sex"
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Old 01-15-2016, 06:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by melovescookies View Post
I put my daughter on birth control when she was 15. We always had an open dialogue about sex and I knew she wasn't sexually active yet but I didn't want to wait until it was too late. I was a little paranoid though because I got pregnant with her at just 16 and I was terrified that she was going to get pregnant young even though she was nothing like me.

At first she didn't want to go on it because she wasn't sexually active and she was embarrassed to get an exam so we ended up going to Planned Parenthood where an exam isn't required. I know some people might not agree that I basically forced her to go on birth control but I did what I thought was best for her in the long run.
I could see where you are coming from. I think I would too. When I was a teen, my small town topped the chart in teen pregnancies. Almost every girl I knew had their first pregnancy before she turned 17 (even if they didn't have the baby). I knew more then one teen girl who had a "surprise baby" (going into labor not knowing or admitting she was pregnant). I knew more then one girl who had a baby before their 15th birthday. And several who had more then 1 in their teens. With that history...I don't know how I will be with my daughter. I didn't force my foster daughter on BC because I did believe her she wasn't going to have sex, and I did think she would talk to me if she wanted to, or if she had. She was pretty open to me.

I have 3 boys and 1 girl. I plan to take the "this is one thing we deal with as women as we mature" route with her. But honestly, if it turns out I don't fully trust her decision making (she is still just 9), I will heavily pressure BC.

Boys are easy. You talk to them a lot, let them know the pit falls, and make sure there are condoms on hand at all times. Just a box (like the other poster said)...in an easy spot.
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Old 01-15-2016, 06:53 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
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I don't want to seem naive, but at their ages I had platonic friendships with boys that were totally innocent. It sounds like OP has an open relationship with her daughter, so I'm not sure what else she can do.
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Old 01-15-2016, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Central IL
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I'd advise looking into an IUD - it's "one and done" for 5 years - no need to worry about taking pills - it's also a very, very low hormone dose so really no issues that way.

Of course, you can't force her to do something like that - but if she doesn't want to take the pill she won't do that either! The thing about an IUD is she only needs to decide ONCE - with the pill she essentially has to decide she wants to do it every day, and even if she's all for it she can still forget.

The IUD can be removed at any time by her doctor - that's something else you should both be aware of.
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