U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:38 AM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076

Advertisements

My daughter, 17 and a junior in high school, is in her first romantic relationship. They started going out in November. She's very private about it. We've met him a couple of times and he's very shy, but he seems to treat her well and be a nice enough guy. He's 15.

I have always talked very openly about sex and birth control with her. It hasn't been a matter of one talk about the birds and bees without ever mentioning it again, but an ongoing conversation. Since she started seeing this boy I've talked to her several times about sex, the gist of which has been:

(1) I advise you not to have sex yet because I think you're too young.
(2) If you do have sex, use birth control.
(3) I will help you obtain BC if you need it, no questions asked.
(4) If you end up having sex without BC, tell me right away so we can get you the Plan B "morning after" pill.

Her response is always "I'm not going to have sex! You're being so annoying!" Or something along those lines.

She's a good kid--good grades, responsible, smart, practical, not rebellious. That I know of she and her peers aren't drinking or using drugs. I may be naive, but I have not seen any signs of it at all.

She has a car so she has a lot of freedom. She and the boyfriend sometimes "drive around" after school. I'm sure the "driving around" involves parking somewhere and making out. We've told her that she can't go to his house if his parents aren't there, but I don't really have a way to monitor that. I haven't met his parents.

My question is: Should I just insist she go on BC? Make her an appointment with the OB/GYN and tell her she has to pick a method? Or insist on the implant or one of the long-term injections? What did you do with your teenagers at this age?

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Last edited by Marlow; 01-15-2016 at 09:05 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:53 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,273,735 times
Reputation: 8481
I think just having the ongoing conversations with her, telling her that you will support her with any birth control measures, and trusting what she tells you is sufficient. The only thing I would add is that she knows the consequences of getting pregnant and that you will not be supporting her and a grandchild at this time if she did end up getting pregnant.

BTW, the main determinant of teenagers deciding not to have sex is knowing that their parents believe very strongly that sex before adulthood is a mistake. Knowing that there is no safety net if she gets pregnant would probably come in second on that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:53 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,486,744 times
Reputation: 23714
I think I would try to get her to agree to birth control now. It takes a while to kick in usually, and might be trial and error before she gets the right kind for her body. I wouldn't address it as "I know you are going to have sex", but rather "you are coming of age and this is what women need to do to get ready for young adulthood".

On the other hand, I had a teen foster daughter and She decided not to have sex until she was 18, and she kept that promise. She refused BCP, but did have condoms (which she was mad at me for, but they did have fun blowing them up). Still, it was hard not to worry she was going to get herself pregnant.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:59 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,273,735 times
Reputation: 8481
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I think I would try to get her to agree to birth control now. It takes a while to kick in usually, and might be trial and error before she gets the right kind for her body. I wouldn't address it as "I know you are going to have sex", but rather "you are coming of age and this is what women need to do to get ready for young adulthood".
I assume you are talking about hormonal methods here (the pill). I don't think overloading one's body with hormones is necessarily the thing a woman needs to do to get ready for young adulthood.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,466 posts, read 15,905,878 times
Reputation: 38730
We openly discussed sex and birth control as well as love & respect for your partner, waiting until it is the right time, emotional maturity, etc. We also gave them information about Planned Parenthood (free or low cost birth control for girls & free condoms for both sexes). We did not insist that our daughter go on the pill or other BC nor did we buy them condoms. My husband and I felt that would encourage and give our tacit approval for our teens to have intercourse.


I have to admit that our situation was somewhat unusual as, at that time, our daughter had already been active in HIV and AIDS awareness and prevention programs for several years and was probably far more knowledgeable than her peers about STDs/unwanted pregnancies/HIV/etc. Heck, she was probably more knowledgeable about STDs & HIV than 90% of the parents of her peers. So we trusted her to do what was best for her.


Our son had many close female friends and we believe that helped him always take their feelings into consideration. In fact, in college he was part of group of upperclassmen who lead discussion groups with fraternities and boys/men in freshman dormitories about respect for women and what is and what is not date rape (BTW, many boys clearly did not understand the concept of "No means No").

I have several close friends who also have daughters who were/are in HS. All of them offered the opportunity to get birth control to their daughters, but, as far as I know, the daughters declined. I have no idea if this is typical or not.

You know your child & have to decide what is best for your child in both the short and long run.

Last edited by germaine2626; 01-15-2016 at 09:20 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:03 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,486,744 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
I assume you are talking about hormonal methods here (the pill). I don't think overloading one's body with hormones is necessarily the thing a woman needs to do to get ready for young adulthood.
Also IUDs, the ring (not over loading anything), low hormone BCP. There are many options, and some are very low to no hormonal. Still they don't work for everyone. I couldn't use the ring because of how my cervix is situated, some people don't like IUDs, some pills are helpful for women's problems and may be helpful instead of harmful. Some people would rather get an injection and get over with. Condoms alone have a high failure rate, especially with new users.

You are "Just a guy"...research BC options.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:12 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,273,735 times
Reputation: 8481
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Also IUDs, the ring (not over loading anything), low hormone BCP. There are many options, and some are very low to no hormonal. Still they don't work for everyone. I couldn't use the ring because of how my cervix is situated, some people don't like IUDs, some pills are helpful for women's problems and may be helpful instead of harmful. Some people would rather get an injection and get over with. Condoms alone have a high failure rate, especially with new users.

You are "Just a guy"...research BC options.

I'm familiar with them. It seemed like you were making a blanket statement about the pill.

Even with all the other options, using BC is necessarily something a girl needs to do to get ready to for young adulthood. Many young women can make an informed choice to simply not have sex.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:16 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,486,744 times
Reputation: 23714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
I'm familiar with them. It seemed like you were making a blanket statement about the pill.

Even with all the other options, using BC is necessarily something a girl needs to do to get ready to for young adulthood. Many young women can make an informed choice to simply not have sex.
I disagree. Most will decide to have sex at some point BEFORE they plan on becoming a parent. Even if it comes later or if they are married. Getting BC situated is part of growing up to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Its responsible parenting to help your daughter navigate that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:16 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,480 posts, read 13,334,142 times
Reputation: 19899
No, don't try to force it on her. If she's driving and she feels like she needs to, she can go to planned parenthood on her own. Or if she hasn't had her first obgyn visit then perhaps set one up for her and make sure she has some privacy to discuss any concerns with the doctor once the exam is finished.
One of the things I did with my kids was to discuss the fact that sex is obviously pleasurable and the emotions of a new relationship can sometimes overwhelm common sense. I let them know it's good to be prepared in the event that they find themselves getting carried away in spite of their best intentions.
Sort of "I hope you don't choose to do this, but if the unthinkable happens it's better to be safe than sorry".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-15-2016, 09:23 AM
 
1,819 posts, read 1,983,515 times
Reputation: 2576
The fact that she has a boyfriend is the best indication for the need for birth control. I suggest that you have all the tools needed readily available to her (at her bedside) should and when there is a need.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top