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Thread summary:

Parenting styles, today’s parents not strict enough, children growing up too quickly, children raised without boundaries or rules, parents who shelter their kids

 
 
Old 02-06-2008, 01:25 PM
 
Location: UK
2,579 posts, read 2,133,194 times
Reputation: 1688

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Thank you all for your replys, I found them all very encouraging.

Last night, at 10pm (here in Spain everything happens later than in other countries)I told my daughter that she needed to go to bed because she had school the next day and she said to me that at school there are children who go to bed at midnight. On the spot I could not think to a better reply than to say that we love her and we desire the best for her and at that moment the best for her was to get enough sleep before school.

What worries me is the future. We dinosaurs try to raise our children as honest and decent human beings who appreciate people for what they are and not what they own and for whom certain values are still important. I look around me and at some other kids and I can't help wondering what type of adults they our children will have to live with and deal with in the future.
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Old 02-06-2008, 01:37 PM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,341,822 times
Reputation: 848
I think most still turn out ok. On the flip side, some people who are raised how we're raising our kids-how I was raised-turn out to be real jerks. LOL. That's why I don't get so bent out of shape about what other people do with their kids. My husband and his brother were raised with the same rules by the same parents and my BIL, I'll just say, is not a good person. My cousins were raised being allowed to watch whatever they wanted as far as movies went-nudity, cursing was not off limits. My uncle let them have an occasional drink before they were of legal age. One is a teacher who treats his wife like a queen and is a fantastic father. The other has a heart of gold who would do anything for anybody. Both still go to my grandmother's to shovel her out and they usually end up taking care of the other seniors on her block. There are no guarantees. We can only do what we think is best and hope for the best.
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Old 02-06-2008, 03:42 PM
 
440 posts, read 236,319 times
Reputation: 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by hutch5 View Post
Thank you all for your replys, I found them all very encouraging.

Last night, at 10pm (here in Spain everything happens later than in other countries)I told my daughter that she needed to go to bed because she had school the next day and she said to me that at school there are children who go to bed at midnight. On the spot I could not think to a better reply than to say that we love her and we desire the best for her and at that moment the best for her was to get enough sleep before school.

What worries me is the future. We dinosaurs try to raise our children as honest and decent human beings who appreciate people for what they are and not what they own and for whom certain values are still important. I look around me and at some other kids and I can't help wondering what type of adults they our children will have to live with and deal with in the future.
You are doing just fine. When my son was younger (he's 18 now) I monitored what he watched on tv and he went to bed at 7pm from the age of 0-8 y/o. I set this schedule because as a single parent who worked full time, I needed down time in the evening in order to prepare everything for the next day for the both of us. I gradually allowed him to go to bed a little later as he grew older. During the school week he was never allowed to stay up past 10 pm.

My house was the kid house that way I was able to monitor his friends and got to know all of their parents. Any video gaming systems he received were gifts at Xmas or his birthday as rewards, never "just because".

He did not get a cell phone until he turned 14 y/o and the only reason he got it so early is because he was a boarding student in high school, otherwise it would have waited until college. While he was growing up, people would always compliment me and tell me what a great job I was doing because he was such a respectful, well mannered young man. He is now in college, and the values I instilled in him have stuck with him.

Keep up the good work, it sounds like you are doing all the right things!
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Old 02-06-2008, 04:27 PM
 
4,963 posts, read 3,925,200 times
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Our sons are 7 & 9. We totally get what you said. We often say that we are doing such an injustice to our boys raising them to be nice, considerate, caring boys. They have a computer that is kept in the dining room within eyesight. They just got a Wii for xmas, but do not have xbox, playstation ; they each have a ds that they paid for themselves. They are required to read for 15 mins each day and they are always in bed by 8pm ; 9 in the weekends. Neither of them have cell phones and will not get one until they can pay for it themselves.
They also know that what goes on in our house may not be the same as their friends houses, but tough ; we have rules and what we say goes.
TV ; we think we still have control over the tv. We will watch something together, sometimes I do cave and let them watch disney. But if their behaviour is getting worse, the first thing to go is the TV.

We have been complimented a lot on the boys. Hopefully this will continue.
dorothy
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Old 02-06-2008, 04:55 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 36,242,086 times
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My kids bedtime is 8:00pm and that includes the 13 yo.
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Old 02-06-2008, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,717 posts, read 59,579,994 times
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I was agreeing with you all the way. We raise our kids in a similar manner. We also require them to be well mannered and polite at all times. I am starting to work on the boys to learn to be gentlemen. Then I realized, I AM a dinosaur. I am 44 and almost everyone posting here could be MY child. How did that happen?
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Old 02-07-2008, 02:37 AM
 
Location: UK
2,579 posts, read 2,133,194 times
Reputation: 1688
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
I was agreeing with you all the way. We raise our kids in a similar manner. We also require them to be well mannered and polite at all times. I am starting to work on the boys to learn to be gentlemen. Then I realized, I AM a dinosaur. I am 44 and almost everyone posting here could be MY child. How did that happen?
I am nearly 41 and my husband is 45!!! I think it is wonderful and really encouraging to see that parents younger than us share our views on how to raise children. After all their children and ours will be adults at the same time.

Last edited by hutch5; 02-07-2008 at 03:23 AM..
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Old 02-07-2008, 02:40 AM
 
Location: UK
2,579 posts, read 2,133,194 times
Reputation: 1688
Quote:
Originally Posted by regarese View Post
I think most still turn out ok. On the flip side, some people who are raised how we're raising our kids-how I was raised-turn out to be real jerks. LOL. That's why I don't get so bent out of shape about what other people do with their kids. My husband and his brother were raised with the same rules by the same parents and my BIL, I'll just say, is not a good person. My cousins were raised being allowed to watch whatever they wanted as far as movies went-nudity, cursing was not off limits. My uncle let them have an occasional drink before they were of legal age. One is a teacher who treats his wife like a queen and is a fantastic father. The other has a heart of gold who would do anything for anybody. Both still go to my grandmother's to shovel her out and they usually end up taking care of the other seniors on her block. There are no guarantees. We can only do what we think is best and hope for the best.
Thank you, regarese, for your thoughts. You are right, a lot has to do also with the children's personality and I suppose with some external influences that we can not have control over. So you are right. We do the best we can and we trust that they will turn out alright.
But it is conforting to know that we are not alone in thinking this way and dinosaurs are nor extinct yet.
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Old 02-07-2008, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 932,204 times
Reputation: 326
IN some respects, we are very laid back- we don't go by movie ratings- we go by what WE think it appropriate. Sex and excessive violence or gore are no no's, but bad words- well, thats everywhere. I can't tell you how many movies we have here that have yet to be watched, because they are too scary or gory ( were scary movie junkies) because ONE of the kids is always around...lol

She has limited use of the family computer. Myspace, youtube, similar sites off limits. COmputer is in family room so we can see what shes doing.

she has a gameboy but thats it (and doesnt play with it often).

She has a tv and dvd player in her room (no satellite, so tv is only good for her movies, lol)

she has an MP3 player (not an ipod, one thats actually affordable!)

She wants a cell phone- but I DON'T THINK SO! theres a regular phone for her to use to talk to her friends

We are also really strict - she does chores every day- depending on what i need, anything from putting away dishes to switching laundry loads to cleaning bathrooms. she likes to mop, but thats one of those things i prefer to do myself! Manners are not an option...they are required at all times.

Yes, we have the typical 'starting to go into preteen mode' problems- attitudes, backtalk, the occasional lie about whether or not somethign was done or not...but overall, shes a pretty good kid, and I think pretty normal for her age.
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Old 02-07-2008, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,717 posts, read 59,579,994 times
Reputation: 26823
The best thing that I have ever overheard my children's friends saying:

"Your parents are way too strict"

Thank you.

The best thing that I have heard from the same kids' parents:

"Your kids are the most polite well behaved children that I have ever encountered"

(Little did they know that we are the evil "too strict" parents).

I do nto care whether either statement is true or not. It means that our efforts have a visible effect and that dinosaurs are not all bad.

Our kids know what is expected of them and the generally do it. If they do, they are rewarded with special treats (an excursion, some gizmo that they just had to have, voice lessons, ice cream, skiiing, etc). If they do not, then they know better to ask for something when they have not given anything in terms of effort. If they really mess up, they lose something at least for a while. We have learned that it is important to give your kids lots of stuff then you have more to take away. Otherwise what do you do after taking everything away including all privileges? Just the threat of losing computer privileges gets my son's instant and undivided attention.

We had a big problem with disgustingly messy rooms. (We are talking really bad here, dirty clothes getting moldy, bits of food attracting mice, just plain ick). We followed a friends suggestion. After five warnings, they lost everything. We removed the beds, clothing, toys, absolutely everything. They had to earn each thing back (although we gave them a pillow for free). It was a bit harsh and extreme, but we had tried everything else imaginable. This worked. Never had to do it again.
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