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Thread summary:

Parenting styles, today’s parents not strict enough, children growing up too quickly, children raised without boundaries or rules, parents who shelter their kids

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Old 02-06-2008, 10:19 AM
 
Location: UK
2,579 posts, read 2,133,976 times
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Are we really dinosaurs?
This is the question my husband and I often ask ourselves when it comes to the education of the children and we compare our parenting model to others.

Our children are 11(girl), 8(boy) and 10 months(boy).

Many of my daughter's peers are allowed to watch movies 13+ and play computer games 18+ while we tell her that there is a reason why age raccomendations are made and it is to protect the children. We tell her there is an age and time for everything.

MOST of my daughter's school friends have a mobile phone despite the fact that they spend all the time either in school or at home, or doing sport and being ferried around by their parents. We tell our daughter that she will receive her mobile phone when she starts to go out on her own or when she will be in situations where she might really need it.

Some of my son's school friends are watching at home programmes that have a strong sexual content and again we tell him that there is a time for everything and we think it is not time yet for him to be exposed to such programmes.

ALL of our children's peer have DS,Play station, Xbox, Wii, etc. while they only have a game boy and a DS and they are working towards gaining,(through improving certain aspects of their behaviour) their right to buy themselves a Wii. They spend a lot of time playing together, reading, doing their homework, doing sport activities,sometimes playing at the computer or with their Gameboy and DS and we go out for excursions as a family. Where would they find the time for all those other electronic devices, from playing together, or from reading or from spending quality time as a family?

The list could continue but it would bore you. My point is: are my husband and I really coming from another age? Are there any other people who have to face similar issues? I don't like to have to say no all the time to my children but equally I don't agree with the consummeristic culture of nowadays and with the attitude of some parents that seem to be pushing their children to grow up to quickly.
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Old 02-06-2008, 10:38 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,343,785 times
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Default Fellow brontosaurus

If you are then we are too. My husband and I are 32 and our daughter is 2...she is going to hate us! LOL. I don't think there is anything wrong with the restrictions you place on your kids. That being said, if other parents want to do that stuff, I don't care all that much-not my kid, but we're not letting our daughter get a phone, have a tv in her room before she even starts school, etc.

I thought I had the only mom who paid attention to the ratings. LOL. I suspect I was the only one of my peers who's mother actually watched a PG-13 before I did to decide whether or not I could watch it. Do you know my hell of being the only one in my grade who did NOT see Dirty Dancing when it came out. LOL. I survived-our kids will too.
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Old 02-06-2008, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Arizona
667 posts, read 2,098,439 times
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I am 24 & guarding what my son watches, sees, plays, says & hears.
I've noticed that alot of parents, my age & older, think it's OK to use some mild curse words in front of their young children. And when I point out that I do not want this language used around my kid, the response usually is, "Well, I'm not gonna' shelter my child from real life."

Maybe I am a dinosaur, or maybe my parents were dinosaurs & in turn turned me into a dinosaur of a parent. But I grew up with a good head on my shoulders & I would like the same for my son. If giving him luxuries & etc. when I think is necessary is a way of making sure my child is exposed to different aspects of life when age appropriate, then so be it. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And no, that doesn't make my child "sheltered."
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Old 02-06-2008, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Portland Oregon area
145 posts, read 763,046 times
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Honestly, yes you are from a different age (morally speaking). And good for you for being that way. If you can protect your child from early exposure to sex, violence, drugs, swearing, whether in music, movies, video games, or in person that is exactly what a parent should do.
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Old 02-06-2008, 11:16 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 5,343,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by collected_eve View Post
I am 24 & guarding what my son watches, sees, plays, says & hears.
I've noticed that alot of parents, my age & older, think it's OK to use some mild curse words in front of their young children. And when I point out that I do not want this language used around my kid, the response usually is, "Well, I'm not gonna' shelter my child from real life."
That's what my father says too. LOL. In that area, I've resigned myself to the fact that I am NOT going to win that battle so we'll be teaching her that she is not allowed to repeat some of what she hears PopPop or Daddy say.
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Old 02-06-2008, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Portland Oregon area
145 posts, read 763,046 times
Reputation: 108
Quote:
Originally Posted by collected_eve View Post
I am 24 & guarding what my son watches, sees, plays, says & hears.
I've noticed that alot of parents, my age & older, think it's OK to use some mild curse words in front of their young children. And when I point out that I do not want this language used around my kid, the response usually is, "Well, I'm not gonna' shelter my child from real life."

Maybe I am a dinosaur, or maybe my parents were dinosaurs & in turn turned me into a dinosaur of a parent. But I grew up with a good head on my shoulders & I would like the same for my son. If giving him luxuries & etc. when I think is necessary is a way of making sure my child is exposed to different aspects of life when age appropriate, then so be it. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And no, that doesn't make my child "sheltered."
"Real life"...? Real life is filled with such ugly, horrible, disgusting things. I think good parents should want their children sheltered from that. People use that word as if it is a bad thing to shelter some one.

Synonyms for shelter: harbor, defend, protect, safeguard, screen, shield

I have every intention of sheltering my children.
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Old 02-06-2008, 12:07 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 36,260,529 times
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You are NOT alone. I'm 42 and our oldest is 13. She does NOT have a cellphone. Got an ipod for her 13th birthday. My kids are provided w/ so much MORE OTHER things that take the place of these "essentials" some parents give their kids. Mine get to travel to all kinds of places and see the world, experience life, make decisions about these things. Not cellphones, laptops, any movie they want, etc. My dd thinks she is the "only one without a cellphone". I know for a fact she is not and the other moms that hear the same arguement from their kids always reference us for not giving our daughter one. Her dad told her to give him 10 good reasons WHY she NEEDED a cellphone. When we say we were 30 before we had one she says, "that was different then". It was not that much different. One of her friends got in troulbe at school when the mom called on her cellphone (now how stupid is that???) to let her know she would bring her lunch. My daughter said that I would call and if she answered I'd be HOT on the trail straight to the school, jerk her out of class and she would be in a LOT OF TROUBLE! You got that right sister

Here are some other things we don't allow our kids to do (13 & 9 both girls):

They are NOT dropped off at the mall or movies or anywhere for that matter (well, I do drop them off at school) without parental supervision be it us or another parent.

No cellphone

No laptop

I preview any and all movie they want to see be it at the movies, Video on Demand thru cable, rentals, etc. Their tv is locked w/ parental controls to only show certain channels. All tv's must have an access code that they do not know to "purchase" a Video On Demand movie. Gosh, many years ago when the movie "Bring It On" first came out on video we were at some friends whose oldest was about in kindergarten at the time. They started to watch this movie and my daughter came in to tell me that the movie they were watching was saying bad words. This friend said, "oh, it's okay. They only say *itch". Uh NO!!!! My younger one was in there watching it too. NO!!! I told them we did not watch that at all. About a year later the kids were all together w/ a bunch upstairs and us adults downstairs at a friends house. The kids wanted to watch a movie and one that they suggested my oldest told them they were not allowed to watch it. GOOD GIRL!

I talk the parents of whoevers house she may be going to visit/play.

I know ALL of their friends and try to know their parents. Don't need to be best buds w/ the parents but just know them.

I've let it be known that if other parents see something inappropriate they can call me anytime.

They know that I will NOT allow my child to attend a party where alcohol will be served to minors nor will I EVER do such.

When kids spend the night at our house they are NOT staying up all night.

With the older one we are getting to the point where her friends could have siblings that drive. I've known of times when other parents have sent their older child to pick up the younger one and their friend. I will NOT accept that at all!!!!!! We have told our children MANY times that if they are with a friend and the parent is to pick them up and instead the older sibling shows up.......... CALL HOME!!! We will come get you. We have also told them that if they are riding in the car with a friend and the friend starts driving crazy to tell them to stop driving like that. If they don't get in under control to have the friend stop the car and get out. At that time they will probably have a cellphone. If the bad driver won't stop and the car is going slow enough or stops at a red light - GET OUT! Call 911 on your cellphone and report them and let the pd know where you are.

Then there is the issue of parties............ URGH!!!! Kids that have parents that go out of town and the kid has a party. Or worse are the parents that provide the alcohol for the party. I posted the below on another thread when we were discussing several teens getting killed recently in an area city. Most of these happened in the wee hours of the night and could have been avoided if the parents would have been PARENTS!!! Anyway, this is what we did when our oldest wanted to have a party last fall.

My daughter had a party this last fall and it was mostly 7th & 8th graders. In the invitation I made I INVITED the parents to come in and visit with US. I also put that it would be chaperoned but they were welcome to stay and visit w/ the other parents. Also included in the invitation were the instructions for dropoff and pickup. The parent had to tell us if their child was going to be leaving w/ someone else and who would be picking them up. They were also required to come in to pickup and the other mom "hosting" the party at our house even had them SIGN they picked up their child. We did not want ANYTHING to happen to the kids. We wanted them to have fun and they all did. The party was talked about for weeks at school as being the best. I'm hoping I've set a trend for those that were around that as parents we NEED and MUST be this involved to insure our childrens safety.
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Old 02-06-2008, 12:34 PM
 
Location: SD
896 posts, read 3,867,996 times
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All of you make great points and I raise my fist in the air and say "Yeah."

I have four little girls and we try our hardest to keep them grounded. My husband feels our children get too much stuff for Christmas that they don't play with. In hindsight, I agree. My husband and I enjoy having the latest gadgets but we do not buy those things for our children. My 6-year keeps trying to use my husband's ipod shuffle and we told her that she is too young for it and that at her age, listening to ear phones like that will hurt her ears. She also asked for a cell phone for Christmas and we actually laughed at her. Why would a 6-yr old need a cell phone??? She didn't know why she wanted but she that sees other kids with them. "Fine. But you're not other kids and you are way to young for a cell phone."

We just bought a new computer and are going to give them our old one. I haven't set it up yet because I want to be able to monitor what they're doing. I need to make room in my family room or living room. You never know...

My kids only watch movies I've previewed or have read reviews on. We only watch one television channel (noggin) and my oldest gets annoyed with that.

Unfortunately, I have a truck driver mouth and have to be vigilant on what I say. My oldest two know that when I say bad words, they are bad and they shouldn't repeat them. I just wish cussing would be my greatest problem as they get older!

My husband and I had a discussion last night that I don't let them just veg out. I keep them active with lots of activities - my 6 year old does tennis, gymnastics and art--not to mention 40 minutes of homework (20 minutes of actual work and 20 minutes of reading). My four year old does gymnastics, jazz, ballet, and art. My two year old goes to My Gym, Mommy & Me Ballet, music and ballet classes. And my one year old is along for the ride but she goes to her own My gym and music classes. I know my schedule sounds crazy and it is but I like that my kids are not at home, watching tv or fighting which is usually what happens. This summer, besides gymnastics and tennis, we're not going to do anything!! And we're so excited and looking forward to the down time!

My husband and I talk all the time about possible predators and how scary the world is. They can't live in a bubble but I can try to prepare them the best that I can.
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Old 02-06-2008, 12:58 PM
 
Location: makin' bacon
3,340 posts, read 2,553,591 times
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Count me in as a dinosaur.
My son is 12, does not have a cell phone and will not get one until he starts driving.
He does have an xbox360, but the timer is set to 2 hours and cannot be played until after his homework/chores are done. We have a wii as well, but the only time he plays it is with us.
He is required to read for at least 45 minutes a day and enjoys doing so.
We do not use inappropriate language around him. Yes, it is part of real life, but parents are supposed to set a positive example and not the idea that "well everyone else is doing it, so I might as well."
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Old 02-06-2008, 01:12 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 36,260,529 times
Reputation: 5787
We gave our kids our old computer. Hooked it up in the gameroom upstairs for them. They have a printer and all but they CAN not just print anything and everything as I REFUSE to buy the ink cartridges all the time. BUT............ their computer is NOT hooked up to the internet. It is for their computer games and that is it. That way they don't have to use ours for that stuff.

We bought our oldest a digital camera that came w/ a printer a couple of years ago. Found it on sale at Target and for the whole package was $25 She can print them out upstairs on HER computer (no internet). We also bought our kids personal DVD players and they both have a Gameboy. The oldest got an ipod for her birthday and the youngest took over my husbands MP3 when he got an ipod. BUT, we ONLY bought these things (camera, DVD player, Ipod) because we travel. They pretty much only use them while sitting in the car on long road trips, sitting at airports, sitting on airplanes, etc. Hardly EVER are the DVD player and Gameboys used when not on a trip. We have to get them out of the closet and charge them up before we go somewhere.
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