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Old 01-18-2016, 11:58 AM
 
Location: USA
2,621 posts, read 2,008,389 times
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The mom's boyfriend grew up in a family where the sister was molested in her early teenage years by their father then he was arrested when he around 12. I know all this because one of my cousins went to school with my friend's boyfriend & the siblings

So yes, not saying he will do the same as his father but there's a risk the abuse may repeat itself.

And him pushing boundaries of being overly affectionate with her in a short period of time makes the flags go up in my mind. The mom knows about her boyfriend's history so she is aware of the background he came from
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Old 01-18-2016, 12:49 PM
 
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If it got to me enough, I'd call out the behavior publicly.

If it's getting inappropriate and there are friends around, just point towards the guy/step daughter and ask someone/everyone else "Is this appropriate?? She's 11..."

...surely you aren't the only person thinking this is over the line, especially if others know of his family history. If they hadn't thought about it, they'll realize it soon enough when you mention it. Ask yourself, is someone going to back the guy up? "Yes, that's perfectly appropriate, calm down..." Probably not.

I think there's much more to gain (sparing this child from sexual abuse) than there is to lose (the friendship of a desperate, selfish woman) if you make it a point to bring attention to the behavior.

If this woman will put her own child in danger for a boyfriend, just imagine what she'll do to those that aren't family if need be.



This dude fits all the criteria of a predator. Getting rid of him would be my #1 priority even if it meant eventually cutting ties with his apologist.
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Old 01-18-2016, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,894 posts, read 17,203,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
OMG just because someone shows a child affection doesn't mean their name is Chester, even if there is a molester in the family. John and I were visiting strangers he met from a forum and we bought some Edison records for our antique phonograph. They have an adorable 6 year old autistic son that is barely verbal, but also very affectionate. The poor little one had a feeding tube and I volunteered to watch him while the father and John sorted records.

The little one took me by the hand and wanted to see "man" while the father went upstairs for something. He wanted John to pick him up and John was dancing around the room with the little guy to the music. It was incredibly sweet and innocent and the mother came to the basement door and saw her son in the arms of a stranger. I let her in and introduced myself and John.

She never gave it two thoughts. We actually spent the afternoon with them and their little precious one. We were also invited to come today but it's my birthday and I've been knee deep in shorties since Friday with three or four more coming today

Yes the shorties are shown a great deal of affection by both of us. They are incredibly loved and affection goes along with love. What's wrong with that????
Yes, showing appropriate affection is fine but showing inappropriate affection or possibly sexually oriented affection is wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Not the same thing as the OP at all.
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Old 01-18-2016, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 3,013,350 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I was out with some friends. I couldn't help but notice my friend's boyfriend being overly affectionate with her 11yr. old daughter. He paid a lot more attention to the child than the mother and other adults that were around... My friend's boyfriend comes from a family of child molesters so I hope she is cautious having him around her. Would this be something to worry about?

Short answer here...YES
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Old 01-18-2016, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
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Long time dad here.

Ok, I don't see anything wrong with having a small child on my shoulders, meaning maybe up to age 5. I have 6 kids and did that with all of them. Our youngest is a little girl and she is 9 now. The time for shoulder rides and sitting in my lap are long gone. Saying that, our daughter will sometimes snuggle up to me on the couch while we are watching a movie. I don't see anything wrong with that. It is something that she is doing. Nothing sexual about it. We have a family member who is single and she has a 12 year old daughter. They are at our home often and many times the daughter will spend the night. Our daughter and her are very close. She hardly knows who her dad is and considers me to be a dad figure. I am fine with that. We treat her like a daughter in our home. She has been on trips to Disneyland, Legoland, the beach, and many other places. She has jumped on my back before. She has put her arm around my shoulders. See the difference here? She is being a kid. My own kids have done the same thing. I do have a 11 year old son that will jump on my back every so often.

An adult male that is persuing an 11 year old girl? Red flag.
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Old 01-18-2016, 02:58 PM
 
1,431 posts, read 707,408 times
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How long has the boyfriend been around? Sounds creepy so far.
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Old 01-18-2016, 03:13 PM
 
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by veezybell View Post
How long has the boyfriend been around? Sounds creepy so far.
2.5 months....My friend allowed him to be around her daughter as soon as they were dating again. They had a relationship in the past that ended due to his drug issues. Now that he decided to clean up his act, he's back in their life again. The daughter was quite young at the time 2-6yrs. old at the time they were together.

When he was around my friend's daughter in the younger years, he filled in the father role being the "fun" parent. He didn't give off any creepy vibes then.

Last edited by HappyFarm34; 01-18-2016 at 03:34 PM..
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Old 01-18-2016, 04:41 PM
 
1,431 posts, read 707,408 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
2.5 months....My friend allowed him to be around her daughter as soon as they were dating again. They had a relationship in the past that ended due to his drug issues. Now that he decided to clean up his act, he's back in their life again. The daughter was quite young at the time 2-6yrs. old at the time they were together.

When he was around my friend's daughter in the younger years, he filled in the father role being the "fun" parent. He didn't give off any creepy vibes then.
Maybe that wasn't his age range? Idk, this all sounds weird. I would keep an eye out if I were you. If he's only been back for 2.5 months and he's so...close(?) to the child, then I would have my guard up.
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Old 01-18-2016, 04:57 PM
 
10,171 posts, read 7,035,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veezybell View Post
Maybe that wasn't his age range? Idk, this all sounds weird. I would keep an eye out if I were you. If he's only been back for 2.5 months and he's so...close(?) to the child, then I would have my guard up.
My friend dated a man when her daughter was 1-3, had a kid with him. He was great with her. No creepy vibes. Helped out, was a good dad figure. They broke up and got back together when she was 8 or 9. Then he molested her. It turned out that he was a repeat offender (had not been caught until her daughter told). A real bad guy...like following little girls in his car and bribing them with candy type. But he was into the 8-11 age range. I think that is why he really started pursuing her again when her daughter was in that age range. Its not far fetched.

He has been in and out of prison since with the same M.O., dating desperate single moms...coming off as great with kids...etc. Its when they have a chance to be alone with the kid is when you get really concerned. The guy managed to have access when the mom was sleeping.
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Old 01-18-2016, 04:59 PM
 
Location: In a vehicle.
4,961 posts, read 3,171,916 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I was out with some friends. I couldn't help but notice my friend's boyfriend being overly affectionate with her 11yr. old daughter. He paid a lot more attention to the child than the mother and other adults that were around... My friend's boyfriend comes from a family of child molesters so I hope she is cautious having him around her. Would this be something to worry about?
Well, I'd err on the side of caution...Mainly for the "Questionable" actions of him. Now he "Could" be trying to get on her "Good side" by trying to show interest, but if it ever comes down to being asked about underwear, then the red flags are very bright....
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