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Old 01-19-2016, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
13,123 posts, read 7,252,290 times
Reputation: 50186

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku View Post
Its different with younger kids as more physical contact (picking up, cuddles etc.) are normal for them but its not normal for an 11 year old to want to sit in the lap of someone relatively new in her life, they usually have outgrown lap sitting altogether.

Nope, not the youngest shortie in my life. She's 14 now but at 13 she was still clingy. She never got a lot of affection at home and was constantly hanging all over John and I. They were here last Saturday for a sleep over and even at 14 she insists on curling up next to me during a movie. One size does not fit all and maybe that 11 year old just loves that person. If a kid is being abused and hurt then I would think you would notice a certain level of discomfort with that person? How about asking the child out right? If there isn't a problem then don't create one.
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Old 01-19-2016, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,255,068 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
Nope, not the youngest shortie in my life. She's 14 now but at 13 she was still clingy. She never got a lot of affection at home and was constantly hanging all over John and I. They were here last Saturday for a sleep over and even at 14 she insists on curling up next to me during a movie. One size does not fit all and maybe that 11 year old just loves that person. If a kid is being abused and hurt then I would think you would notice a certain level of discomfort with that person? How about asking the child out right? If there isn't a problem then don't create one.
After just two and a half months its doubtful that there's a true loving connection between them. The situation sounds like possible grooming, in which case he is probably not hurting/abusing her yet, but trying to get her used to him so that he can in the future.
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Old 01-19-2016, 11:25 AM
Status: "ADOPT DON'T SHOP" (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: NY>FL>VA>NC>IN
1,953 posts, read 749,833 times
Reputation: 3661
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
Nope, not the youngest shortie in my life. She's 14 now but at 13 she was still clingy. She never got a lot of affection at home and was constantly hanging all over John and I. They were here last Saturday for a sleep over and even at 14 she insists on curling up next to me during a movie. One size does not fit all and maybe that 11 year old just loves that person. If a kid is being abused and hurt then I would think you would notice a certain level of discomfort with that person? How about asking the child out right? If there isn't a problem then don't create one.
I had a neighbor child like this in the early 90s. She was aged seven when we met her and was overly physical with me and my then-husband, like initiating physical contact such as hugs etc, we barely knew her, she lived next door.
Some kids I agree are just that way. I found it repellent and my husband was also icked out by it. She seemed really needy and was obnoxious about it, though her parents were older and seemed doting and the Mother stayed at home and was really nice to the kids from what I saw.

BUT the OPs situation sounds suspect. Most fellas who were not pedos would AVOID this kind of close physicality with their new GFs daughter, just for their own CYA if nothing else, also most girls of that age would find it kinda gross to be that physical with a new BF of Mom's, unless some other factor is in play.
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Old 01-19-2016, 11:33 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,299,134 times
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Alcoholic who is with a drug addict recently out of prison, who has two convicted child sex offenders, who had an affair with the OP, who is overly affectionate with her daughter =

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Old 01-19-2016, 12:11 PM
 
Location: USA
2,451 posts, read 1,815,864 times
Reputation: 3853
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku View Post
After just two and a half months its doubtful that there's a true loving connection between them. The situation sounds like possible grooming, in which case he is probably not hurting/abusing her yet, but trying to get her used to him so that he can in the future.
It's possible, although I hope not

Quote:
Originally Posted by OverItAll View Post
I had a neighbor child like this in the early 90s. She was aged seven when we met her and was overly physical with me and my then-husband, like initiating physical contact such as hugs etc, we barely knew her, she lived next door.
Some kids I agree are just that way. I found it repellent and my husband was also icked out by it. She seemed really needy and was obnoxious about it, though her parents were older and seemed doting and the Mother stayed at home and was really nice to the kids from what I saw.

BUT the OPs situation sounds suspect. Most fellas who were not pedos would AVOID this kind of close physicality with their new GFs daughter, just for their own CYA if nothing else, also most girls of that age would find it kinda gross to be that physical with a new BF of Mom's, unless some other factor is in play.
Yeah, his behavior is suspicious. Although he knew the child when she was younger, it still seems odd how close they are in a short time frame. The girl was never that affectionate with the mom's ex-husband. The ex-husband acted like a responsible parent, not the child's playmate.

In a healthy relationship, the bf should have his gf as his main focus not her child. And I agree, most guys that aren't perverts will keep their distance from their girlfriend's children & set boundaries.

I'm surprised she hasn't developed that gross factor towards him considering her mom left him when she was younger. I noticed a few times, he would sit next to her having a conversation while she was playing on her Ipad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Alcoholic who is with a drug addict recently out of prison, who has two convicted child sex offenders, who had an affair with the OP, who is overly affectionate with her daughter =
FYI. That affair ended long ago. And yes, he has 2 members in his family that are serving a lengthy prison sentence
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Old 01-19-2016, 01:17 PM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,660,599 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Alcoholic who is with a drug addict recently out of prison, who has two convicted child sex offenders, who had an affair with the OP, who is overly affectionate with her daughter =
Honestly, the first half is enough to qualify for that.
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Old 01-19-2016, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
6 posts, read 3,819 times
Reputation: 17
Default Inappropriate Behavior

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
yes, she knows that the 2 of his family members are convicted child molesters. That was why it concerned me because he was paying more attention to the daughter than his gf
Regardless of who he is related to, the behavior is definitely inappropriate. I am concerned the mother does not see it.
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Old 01-19-2016, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,874 posts, read 12,977,833 times
Reputation: 28962
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I have nothing against giving a child affection but he seemed to be overdoing it. The kid was in his lap, playing games on the Ipad with her, giving her shoulder rides and a bit of rough housing.

There's is something called "grooming". I hope he isn't doing that.
You can pretty much count on it.
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Old 01-19-2016, 07:38 PM
 
Location: kansas city
678 posts, read 545,123 times
Reputation: 554
Maybe he's trying to impress you? When i date a girl I'm friendly to all of her family.
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Old 01-19-2016, 08:15 PM
 
Location: USA
2,451 posts, read 1,815,864 times
Reputation: 3853
Quote:
Originally Posted by tht1guy View Post
Maybe he's trying to impress you? When i date a girl I'm friendly to all of her family.
My friend is the one dating him, not me. It's great to be friendly to the family to encourage them to like you. We're talking about a child. If you're dating a woman with a child, do you instantly become friends with the kid or wait until the relationship is serious. She has only been dating him 2.5months and he already seems to have an emotional connection already with her having conversations and showing affection. I think it's a bit too soon. And it's probably best that an 11yr. child isn't sitting in a lap of a man she barely knows although she did know him for a few yrs. when she was younger. She could be mimicking her mom. I have seen her mom sit on his lap which is totally different.

Last edited by HappyFarm34; 01-19-2016 at 08:37 PM..
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