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Old 01-19-2016, 07:17 PM
 
Location: P.C.F
1,973 posts, read 1,517,312 times
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Late night and bored and this was the best topic you could think of to win the posting prize?? Really?
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I was out with some friends. I couldn't help but notice my friend's boyfriend being overly affectionate with her 11yr. old daughter. He paid a lot more attention to the child than the mother and other adults that were around... My friend's boyfriend comes from a family of child molesters so I hope she is cautious having him around her. Would this be something to worry about?
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Old 01-20-2016, 12:46 AM
 
Location: Anchorage
760 posts, read 1,422,103 times
Reputation: 724
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macgregorsailor51 View Post
Late night and bored and this was the best topic you could think of to win the posting prize?? Really?
Hah?
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Old 01-20-2016, 08:00 AM
 
Location: IN
1,928 posts, read 737,860 times
Reputation: 3542
OP, have you asked the Mother what SHE thinks is up with the behavior of the BF and daughter?

What does she say?

Dating 2.5 mos and she has her kid all over the guy? What kind of Mother is she? Desperate, is my guess.
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Old 01-20-2016, 08:43 AM
 
Location: USA
2,431 posts, read 1,797,392 times
Reputation: 3818
Quote:
Originally Posted by OverItAll View Post
OP, have you asked the Mother what SHE thinks is up with the behavior of the BF and daughter?

What does she say?

Dating 2.5 mos and she has her kid all over the guy? What kind of Mother is she? Desperate, is my guess.
She was there when all this was happening so my guess, she just turned a blind eye to what was going on. We were all in the same room in view of each other. I haven't said anything yet. Desperate, very much so. When one relationship falls through, it doesn't take her long to have another one. And with this guy coming back into the kid's life like he's her new best friend, the mom needs to teach her appropriate boundaries or he may take advantage of the situation and molest her. Oddly, the girl wasn't hardly affectionate at all with the mother's ex-husband, not her bio dad. So, I do have to wonder if there's something going on.
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Old 01-20-2016, 09:26 AM
 
Location: IN
1,928 posts, read 737,860 times
Reputation: 3542
Ah jeez. I'd ask Mother wtf, and tell her my views.
I'm not a tippytoe, worry about hurting feelings sort.
Poor kid. Mother sounds crappy and selfish. This sets the kid up even more to be a victim of a pedo as she is prob kinda starved to feel "important" and these guys know all about how to do that
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Old 01-20-2016, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
13,035 posts, read 7,199,948 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OverItAll View Post
I had a neighbor child like this in the early 90s. She was aged seven when we met her and was overly physical with me and my then-husband, like initiating physical contact such as hugs etc, we barely knew her, she lived next door.
Some kids I agree are just that way. I found it repellent and my husband was also icked out by it. She seemed really needy and was obnoxious about it, though her parents were older and seemed doting and the Mother stayed at home and was really nice to the kids from what I saw.

BUT the OPs situation sounds suspect. Most fellas who were not pedos would AVOID this kind of close physicality with their new GFs daughter, just for their own CYA if nothing else, also most girls of that age would find it kinda gross to be that physical with a new BF of Mom's, unless some other factor is in play.

I'm sure the child would be incredibly uncomfortable around someone who is harming her and it would be obvious.

When I worked in pediatrics I was frequently hugged by kids. I literally was a stranger coming into their room. Yet they grabbed on and held on. (I loved it )

At one of my Halloween parties one of the boys climbed up on the lap of a friend of mine who was also a total stranger to him.

My husband was a tad uncomfortable when that autistic boy wanted him, a total stranger to pick him up. I found it to be incredibly sweet.

I disagree that the eleven year old would find it kind of gross to be that physical with the mom's new boyfriend. Kids are honest about their feelings and maybe there's just an innocent connection.

I agree that the situation should be monitored and the mother should have an honest conversation about what is appropriate touch and what is not.

It's seems like we always want to think the worst about people who are chemically dependent. It also doesn't automatically make them evil because they come from an evil back ground.

I say lets watch closely, and reserve judgment on the facts and only the facts and not on speculation. He may very well be a guy that made mistakes, has paid for the mistakes and is trying to turn his life around. Red flags are just that and shouldn't automatically be a conviction.
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Old 01-20-2016, 09:47 AM
 
Location: IN
1,928 posts, read 737,860 times
Reputation: 3542
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
I'm sure the child would be incredibly uncomfortable around someone who is harming her and it would be obvious.

When I worked in pediatrics I was frequently hugged by kids. I literally was a stranger coming into their room. Yet they grabbed on and held on. (I loved it )

At one of my Halloween parties one of the boys climbed up on the lap of a friend of mine who was also a total stranger to him.

My husband was a tad uncomfortable when that autistic boy wanted him, a total stranger to pick him up. I found it to be incredibly sweet.

I disagree that the eleven year old would find it kind of gross to be that physical with the mom's new boyfriend. Kids are honest about their feelings and maybe there's just an innocent connection.

I agree that the situation should be monitored and the mother should have an honest conversation about what is appropriate touch and what is not.

It's seems like we always want to think the worst about people who are chemically dependent. It also doesn't automatically make them evil because they come from an evil back ground.

I say lets watch closely, and reserve judgment on the facts and only the facts and not on speculation. He may very well be a guy that made mistakes, has paid for the mistakes and is trying to turn his life around. Red flags are just that and shouldn't automatically be a conviction.
You sound like a good person who is naive to the bad in others *hug*

Grooming puts the kid at ease, that's why pedos do it.

You seem to think a kid being touched up by a pervert would DEFINITELY show "signs" and be obviously uncomfortable.

Ah, would that were the case. I can assure you it often is not. And then leads to even worse trauma after the fact, as the child feels they "wanted it" or didn't do enough to stop it.
Grooming is a great tool for freaks to use and the creepy guy in a trenchcoat flashing a little lad from a dark alley is not what the usual pedo is.

Last edited by AJ1957; 01-20-2016 at 10:05 AM..
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Old 01-20-2016, 09:55 AM
 
1,677 posts, read 1,967,663 times
Reputation: 5475
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
I'm sure the child would be incredibly uncomfortable around someone who is harming her and it would be obvious.

When I worked in pediatrics I was frequently hugged by kids. I literally was a stranger coming into their room. Yet they grabbed on and held on. (I loved it )

At one of my Halloween parties one of the boys climbed up on the lap of a friend of mine who was also a total stranger to him.

My husband was a tad uncomfortable when that autistic boy wanted him, a total stranger to pick him up. I found it to be incredibly sweet.

I disagree that the eleven year old would find it kind of gross to be that physical with the mom's new boyfriend. Kids are honest about their feelings and maybe there's just an innocent connection.

I agree that the situation should be monitored and the mother should have an honest conversation about what is appropriate touch and what is not.

It's seems like we always want to think the worst about people who are chemically dependent. It also doesn't automatically make them evil because they come from an evil back ground.

I say lets watch closely, and reserve judgment on the facts and only the facts and not on speculation. He may very well be a guy that made mistakes, has paid for the mistakes and is trying to turn his life around. Red flags are just that and shouldn't automatically be a conviction.
When it comes to a child's safety, I would rather err on the side of caution than worry about hurting someone's feelings. If this grown man doesn't have enough sense to know that letting an 11 year old girl sit in his lap is highly inappropriate, then he probably doesn't have enough sense not to let other lines get crossed. We're not even talking about simple affection, or a little kid jumping in a grown up's arms or climbing into their lap. When my dd was 4, 5, 6, she was prone to jumping and climbing on near strange men too. At 9, no way. By 11, something is seriously wrong. And there's an even bigger problem with a man who allows an 11 year old girl to sit in his lap or carry her around on his shoulders.

IF he is truly someone who made mistakes and turning his life around, there would be no way he would allow or encourage this kind of physical contact with his girlfriend's tween daughter. Especially given his family history of child sexual abuse, he should clearly KNOW what's inappropriate. The fact that he DOESN'T, and had no problem displaying this behavior in full view of the girl's mother and others, shows he still has some issues. No mother with a single brain cell in her head would take the stance of "oh I'll just watch and see what happens" in that kind of situation. He would never in heaven, hell, or anything in between be alone anywhere with my child. He can "turn his life around," whatever that means, somewhere else.
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Old 01-20-2016, 11:45 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,278,072 times
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I wonder how much of this is influenced by the fact that the op was also the lover of this guy, as well as the best friend of the woman, both of whom are now back together with each other and excluding the op from any parts of their lives
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Old 01-20-2016, 11:51 AM
 
Location: IN
1,928 posts, read 737,860 times
Reputation: 3542
Hm. Missed that part.

OP, any relevance here?
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