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Old 01-17-2016, 08:42 AM
 
Location: USA
2,435 posts, read 1,800,223 times
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I was out with some friends. I couldn't help but notice my friend's boyfriend being overly affectionate with her 11yr. old daughter. He paid a lot more attention to the child than the mother and other adults that were around... My friend's boyfriend comes from a family of child molesters so I hope she is cautious having him around her. Would this be something to worry about?

Last edited by HappyFarm34; 01-17-2016 at 09:52 AM..
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Old 01-17-2016, 09:53 AM
 
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Yes. He really shouldn't be affectionate with her at all
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:05 AM
 
Location: USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Yes. He really shouldn't be affectionate with her at all
I have nothing against giving a child affection but he seemed to be overdoing it. The kid was in his lap, playing games on the Ipad with her, giving her shoulder rides and a bit of rough housing.

There's is something called "grooming". I hope he isn't doing that.
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I was out with some friends. I couldn't help but notice my friend's boyfriend being overly affectionate with her 11yr. old daughter. He paid a lot more attention to the child than the mother and other adults that were around... My friend's boyfriend comes from a family of child molesters so I hope she is cautious having him around her. Would this be something to worry about?

Hmmm, yes, it is huge red flag, if the man is paying more attention to the 11 year old daughter than the woman he is dating. Does your friend know that the boyfriend "comes from a family of child molesters" (whatever that means)?
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:14 AM
 
Location: USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Hmmm, yes, it is huge red flag, if the man is paying more attention to the 11 year old daughter than the woman he is dating. Does your friend know that the boyfriend "comes from a family of child molesters" (whatever that means)?
yes, she knows that the 2 of his family members are convicted child molesters. That was why it concerned me because he was paying more attention to the daughter than his gf
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:19 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,503,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I have nothing against giving a child affection but he seemed to be overdoing it. The kid was in his lap, playing games on the Ipad with her, giving her shoulder rides and a bit of rough housing.

There's is something called "grooming". I hope he isn't doing that.
You can be kind and fun and friendly without showing physical affection...that is what I meant. He needs to have better boundaries with her...much better boundaries. He isn't her father, thats the big issue.

So I would say these are red flags...and him having sexual abuse more normalized in his family is very concerning. I hope your friend makes some better decisions.

If you see anything slightly on or over the line, call CPS and report it. Trust your gut.
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
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Anybody that pays extra attention to my child gets extra attention from me. I don't know this guy and frankly his family situation is irrelevant. As you describe it, yes, it is cause for concern.
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:45 AM
 
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When there are children at an "adult" get-together, we all, at times, have to be the one to entertain the child/children. We step away from the adults and do what we have to do. But not for the entire time. Especially with an 11 year old. Maybe and hour or so out of a total evening so that the child doesn't feel ignored. But stepping away from the adults for the entire evening is a bit concerning.

However, I wouldn't label the boyfriend something he hasn't showed evidence of. Keep a close eye on the pattern.
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:48 AM
 
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Your concerns seem warranted. Unfortunately people often are in denial...so her mother may not believe you. Perhaps alert child's father, or another close relative. Thanks for looking out.
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Old 01-17-2016, 11:29 AM
 
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Your concerns seem warranted. Unfortunately people often are in denial...so her mother may not believe you. Perhaps alert child's father, or another close relative. Thanks for looking out.
child's bio dad isn't in the picture. Hasn't been since she was a baby
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