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Old 01-20-2016, 09:42 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,874 posts, read 12,931,398 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Ag 93 View Post
... The fact that they have not experienced a strong physical and emotional relationship with another person makes me kind of sad for them, because I think having those things is a necessary component to being a happy, healthy adult.
Don't waste your energy. If a person BY CHOICE lacks "a strong physical and emotional relationship with another person," it's silly to feel sorry for them. A surprising number of people don't need that to lead very happy and productive lives. That might be "a necessary component" to your happiness, doesn't mean it's true for others across the board.

You'd be better off feeling sorry for someone in a sexual relationship that didn't bring them any true pleasure. Or feel sorry for the people who are looking for fulfilling monogamy but only get to hook up those who have sex with many people without any accompanying emotional involvement. There are plenty of those.

Psychiatrists have estimated that as many as one out of 100 people are asexual.

Lots of people also have no interest in animals. Yet pet people are always telling them, "Your life would be so much more fulfilled if you had a dog or a cat." Ah, no it wouldn't.

As for the OP's question, I would only worry if the young man WANTED to date but was unsuccessful. Then there might be a reason for concern. Otherwise, if he's happy and involved in his own life, I'd mind my own business.
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Old 01-20-2016, 10:19 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,009 posts, read 1,261,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
Don't waste your energy. If a person BY CHOICE lacks "a strong physical and emotional relationship with another person," it's silly to feel sorry for them.
...
As for the OP's question, I would only worry if the young man WANTED to date but was unsuccessful. Then there might be a reason for concern. Otherwise, if he's happy and involved in his own life, I'd mind my own business.
It's not always "by choice". And it's a big stretch of imagination for a young men to not want to get intimate with women. Ever heard the term "incel"? Although for the OP's son, the issue is dating/relationships, rather than sex. But the concept is the same.

Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 01-20-2016 at 11:00 PM..
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:59 AM
 
Location: Alabama!
5,802 posts, read 15,490,962 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Ever heard the term "incel"?
Thank you, MillennialUrbanist, I learned a new word today.

I would 1) think the boy was gay or 2) had some kind of emotional handicap or 3)doesn't tell his parents ANYTHING.

My younger brother, we thought, had never had a girlfriend or even had more than one or two dates. I grew up, got a college degree, got married, moved away for a few years and then moved back to my hometown. One day, at my new job, I met a teenager who worked there part-time, and who happened to live in my parents' neighborhood.
She said, "Oh, you're Roy's sister. Is he still dating Sue Schwartz?" I knew Sue - she lived across the street and was a year younger than Roy.
We were flabbergasted!
We had no clue Roy dated anyone, much less seriously!
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Old 01-21-2016, 01:14 AM
 
Location: Lexington, Kentucky
6,282 posts, read 3,580,239 times
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I wouldn't let it worry me too much. Could be any number or reasons.
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Old 01-21-2016, 03:05 AM
 
2,269 posts, read 2,216,071 times
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I'm somewhat surprised that no one prior to this posting of mine has yet mentioned the possibility that the hypothetical male in question could be an Aspie (Asperger's Syndrome -- which the psychiatric profession actually doesn't use as a separate term anymore but just considers its symptomology to be under the umbrella of Autism. Aspergers Syndrome is said to be a form of high-functional autism marked primarily by social awkwardness. As such, a person who is neuropsychiatrically classified as such, by virtue of how they are neurologically constructed, will have problems with social skills, social anxiety, social awkwardness, et al and hence with "fitting in" and, as an outcome of this, appealing to those who might consider them for dating or romance or intimacy. One of the symptoms of Asperger's is difficulty with processing non-verbal communication (e.g., body language) and understanding and responding to social cues from other persons. They have or can have difficulty with understanding social roles and rules. As kids with AS grow up and get feedback from the world about how awkward they are, they get very anxious about being in social situations and, after enough failures and letdowns, they can be prone to retreating into themselves and being socially reclusive.

It should also be understood that being autistic makes someone a certain way which is not as conducive to establshing social relations and bonds with others. In relation to this, Leo Kanner (the father of autism) stated some common characteristics of autism in the chldren he studied (he was a child psychiatrist at Johns Hopkins University): the need for solitude, the need for sameness, the need to be alone in a world that never varies.
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Old 01-21-2016, 04:10 AM
 
17,167 posts, read 22,195,062 times
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people are strange when you're a stranger, faces look ugly when you're alone.....women seem wicked when you're unwanted....


its not easy for many guys to be confident around women......its easier to avoid than risk

guys are odd when it comes to women,,,,if he took a risk and asked a girl out once and she said no,,,he thinks the whole female gender thinks the same ..


if he is a late bloomer,,,,don't worry about it too much...there are also many late bloomer girls his age that feel socially award..



also realise... depending on the family and family norms....its not easy to bring a girl home to "meet the family" particularly if a brother, cousin, has set the bar high for expectations..


I had friends that wouldn't bring a girl home to meet the parents...because she would be ripped apart/judged for the smallest of flaws...
we've all been there to some extent...



ive got a son that will be 24 this year still in college
at every family gathering relatives would ask "do you have a girlfriend" I would say back off he needs to focus on college first ...
he does now have a girlfriend....but I never pushed it,
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Old 01-21-2016, 05:58 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,009 posts, read 1,261,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
ive got a son that will be 24 this year still in college
at every family gathering relatives would ask "do you have a girlfriend" I would say back off he needs to focus on college first ...
he does now have a girlfriend....but I never pushed it,
Focusing on college is overrated. A relationship can teach a young man exponentially more than a liberal arts course ever will. So if you can find a relationship during college, you absolutely should. Doesn't have to be someone perfect for you and/or a model, just someone you find attractive and enjoy being around.

I suppose I was luckier than the OP's son, although I admit, I kind of settled for my first girlfriend. I dated very little in high school, and met her my freshman year of college. I found her so-so look-wise, and didn't have much in common with her, but overall, she was nice to be around, and we had fun together. It did fall apart some months later, probably 'cause I was started acting too eager or something. (Can't blame myself for that.) But we both came away better off (I hope), and I learned a lot about relationship dynamics and such.
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Old 01-21-2016, 07:22 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
4,955 posts, read 3,140,775 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Ever heard the term "incel"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Southlander View Post
Thank you, MillennialUrbanist, I learned a new word today.

So did I. Of course, the concept has been around forever, even if the word to describe it hasn't. I had girlfriends in my late teens and 20s, but not all that many of them. I would go years at a time without having a steady girlfriend, or even having a date at all. I attribute this to my less-than-stellar looks, combined with my introversion. Regardless of the cause, though, it was frustrating. I was most definitely NOT single by choice. And it's entirely possible that the OP's son is in the same boat.
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Old 01-21-2016, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,748 posts, read 2,000,128 times
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The term incel means that you think you're entitled to have sex and be in a relationship.

Not everyone that struggles with that thinks they're entitled to it.
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Old 01-21-2016, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA, USA
900 posts, read 470,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ancestral View Post
I mean, never dated, never had any kind of contact with the opposite sex, no female friends etc. This is just an hypothetical question.
I would have to look as his upbringing. Did the parents discourage them in any way from bringing girls home or dating? As an example (I'm a female), I had crushes on fellows when I was 12, but my mom refused to let me date, she said that I was too young to get involved with boys. I never tried again until I was an adult and out of the home.
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