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Old 05-14-2016, 04:50 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,071 posts, read 13,751,682 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WinterK View Post
Anyone who still has their spouse when this happens is lucky. My husband died in 2006 and my only child (a boy) moved out 2 weeks later. Needless to say, I'm still hurt about it. And mad. So many things happened with the upkeep of the house, pool, etc. That he could have helped me with, that I sold the house within 4 months. Have regretted it ever since. Wish he'd moved out before his dad died, we could have enjoyed just being with each other again. I don't believe this would have happened if I'd had a daughter. Girls seem to stick around more.

It sounds to me like he became frightened you'd make him the replacement. Oftentimes, especially with widows, the kids become replacement husbands-- taking over house maintenance resposibilities, emotional needs, etc., etc. While some are very happy to do so, others see it as Hell on earth.

In my experience, boys are usually less mature than girls. They tend to need the "boot" (to be pushed) out, or else they'll stay content in the nest..
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Old 05-14-2016, 08:58 AM
 
1,346 posts, read 1,003,768 times
Reputation: 4390
Congratulations on raising healthy, responsible children. Children move out of their parents home, that's part of raising a child. It's the way it's supposed to be. It's different and strange at first but you will get used to it and realize that even if your active parenting days are over, you can still have a very full life. Join a club, make some new friends etc. Your life isn't over just because your children are moving on with their lives. Your still their father. You and your wife can have all kinds of adventures with just the two of you.
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Old 05-14-2016, 09:18 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,880,122 times
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What ? When me and my brother out of the house my parents start going honeymoon trips again seriously ,, Enjoy OP enjoy the moments with your wife/husband .. missed it missed time never run back
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Old 05-14-2016, 11:39 AM
 
4,112 posts, read 3,447,161 times
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A few sessions of counseling could help you right your ship. Maybe you are depressed and need take antidepressants until your chemicals get balanced. Seek help from the pros. Life is too short to be unhappy.

You could benefit from some fun hobbies or a part time job or take a photography class or learn fly fishing. Or become a volunteer.

If after a year you still think the house is too big, sell the thing and downsize into something that fits.
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Old 05-14-2016, 02:53 PM
 
15,287 posts, read 16,839,007 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jambo101 View Post
Thanks but i'm not seeing the good times as health issues are dragging me down and the next phase of my life is an unrelenting journey to the end.
Now i'm 3 weeks away from saying goodbye to my other daughter who is moving to the other side of the country, a rather large milestone in my life as my time as active parent comes to an end.Its been a joy to have raised two beautiful kids however they had to fly sometime,now i'm relegated to living in a big house full of all their stuff and the memories that go with it. While others may find joy at this change of lifestyle i'm just feeling depressed at the upcoming inevitable irrelevance that goes with being an empty nester.
Let things settle down a bit, then consider downsizing. You do NOT have to live in a huge house full of all their stuff. You can insist that they take most of their stuff and/or put it in storage and get a smaller house or an apartment if you want to - less cleaning for one thing.
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Old 05-15-2016, 03:18 AM
 
33,139 posts, read 39,090,825 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
Let things settle down a bit, then consider downsizing. You do NOT have to live in a huge house full of all their stuff. You can insist that they take most of their stuff and/or put it in storage and get a smaller house or an apartment if you want to - less cleaning for one thing.
Thanks,That was my plan however it turns out my wife loves the place and doesnt want to move, she also loves her job and never wants to retire and at 60yrs old she can work at least another 10 years at her current job.,which for this 68yr old retiree makes for a rather empty feeling to now not have all the social aspects of the kids coming home everyday.
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Old 05-15-2016, 10:35 AM
 
15,287 posts, read 16,839,007 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jambo101 View Post
Thanks,That was my plan however it turns out my wife loves the place and doesnt want to move, she also loves her job and never wants to retire and at 60yrs old she can work at least another 10 years at her current job.,which for this 68yr old retiree makes for a rather empty feeling to now not have all the social aspects of the kids coming home everyday.
What interests do you have that would give you a social outlet? Is there a senior center nearby? Do you work out? Swim? Golf? Book Club?

Find something that helps you make new friends who like the same things you like.
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Old 05-15-2016, 11:50 AM
 
33,139 posts, read 39,090,825 times
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Thats what every one tells me,find a hobby do things you like to do etc. Problem is i've had dozens of hobbys over the years and they no longer interest me and if i could think of something new to do i'd be doing it. Done motorcycles for 35 years and sportscars for another 10 i now no longer enjoy driving, done the outdoorsy stuff (camping,fishing,traveling)all my life now i just cant be bothered , I still go to the gymn every day and follow that with an hour in the pool but i'm starting to lose interest in that as well.
What i really enjoyed was driving the kids here and there and being an integral part of their lives,cooking supper for the family basically being a major part of the family dynamic, now with one kid gone and the other about to leave and a wife who now leaves early and comes home late every night has me now thinking this living life alone kinda sucks.
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Old 05-15-2016, 02:38 PM
 
15,287 posts, read 16,839,007 times
Reputation: 15019
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambo101 View Post
Thats what every one tells me,find a hobby do things you like to do etc. Problem is i've had dozens of hobbys over the years and they no longer interest me and if i could think of something new to do i'd be doing it. Done motorcycles for 35 years and sportscars for another 10 i now no longer enjoy driving, done the outdoorsy stuff (camping,fishing,traveling)all my life now i just cant be bothered , I still go to the gymn every day and follow that with an hour in the pool but i'm starting to lose interest in that as well.
What i really enjoyed was driving the kids here and there and being an integral part of their lives,cooking supper for the family basically being a major part of the family dynamic, now with one kid gone and the other about to leave and a wife who now leaves early and comes home late every night has me now thinking this living life alone kinda sucks.
That's a problem with your attitude. You may be depressed and need to see a doctor or therapist if you cannot get out of the funk on your own.

Something different? Try painting, try a choral group, try sculpting, try anything that you have not tried before. Maybe skydiving or learning to fly a plane would be a good fit.
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Old 06-17-2016, 05:14 AM
 
33,139 posts, read 39,090,825 times
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The nest is now officially empty, i just took my youngest daughter to the airport where she will fly to the other side of the country for an indefinite period of time.
I've been an emotional wreck since i returned home from the airport,the feeling of loss is overwhelming, Not only do i lose my daughter but also the family lifestyle,to make matters worse i now have to deal with a house full of memories, does this feeling of grief ever go away?
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