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Old 01-21-2016, 12:17 PM
 
1,891 posts, read 1,138,578 times
Reputation: 4923

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Once again, someone takes a reasonable thing (teens not loitering) and blows it out of proportion (CPS called, police bringing home unsupervised kids, kids not being able to play unsupervised in their own yard, etc.).

I wonder if blowing things out of proportion like this is just a thing when trying to make a point or if this is that common in people's real life decision making processes.

Maryland 'free-range' parents under fire again - CNN.com


https://www.washingtonpost.com/local...44e_story.html


Parents Charged with 'Neglect' After 11-Year-Old Plays in Yard for 90 Minutes | Fox News Insider


Kari Anne Roy: How letting my kid play alone outside led to a CPS investigation | Dallas Morning News


Mom could go to jail for letting her son play outside alone


Here's a few. Yes, it may be blowing things out of proportion, the incidences seem to be few and far between, but it's a very real fear that just maybe your kids will be the next "incident".
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:21 PM
 
619 posts, read 798,784 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5 View Post
I live on the edges of a suburb with lots of security conscious neighbors? Kids are not outside unless a parent is also outside. A few years ago, the neighborhood teens would walk around by themselves, but after several notes from the HOA emailed out to the neighborhood about calling cops on loitering teens, that has stopped.


If you are in a neighborhood where your kids can still go play at the house down the street and you don't have to walk them there, you are very lucky. Count your blessings.


That is really sad. That HOA sounds terrible!


I do feel lucky and blessed that I live where they can play safely outside and I don't have to worry about being turned over to CPS. That thought honestly never even crossed my mind.
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:24 PM
 
1,891 posts, read 1,138,578 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
HOA's can have rules like this for public areas, but they have to observe fair housing laws. For example, kids can be in the laundry area when doing laundry, but can't just hang out there. The police aren't going to do a whole lot of enforcement on things like this anyway.

The teens were just walking around the neighborhood, to each other's houses to hang out, or just hanging out in the yard. Someone had their outdoor Christmas lights cut (was probably cut accidentally by utilities), and all of a sudden it's "if I see teens outside not doing anything, I'm calling the cops". They got called on the house across the street, I only know because the police car blocked my driveway for a few minutes. And granted, the cops didn't do anything, but I don't want them called on me period.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
The poster is more than likely blowing things out of proportion on this (notice how she never answered the question regarding if any of this had actually happened), however, making it sound like she lives in some kind of draconian nazi housing project.

Funny how people shift the blame to others. She's not a helicopter parent. Other people's laws force her to be that way.

This has never happened to me because I don't let my kids leave the house without an adult. And yes, they are young (4 and 7), but I look around the neighborhood and all the older kids outside I see their moms too, right next to them gardening or reading a book or on their iphone. Not exactly Nazi.


Do you really think it is blame shifting? I'm trying to be responsible for my own kids, making sure I keep them safe from bad people and well meaning people alike. I mean, isn't that the very essence of personal responsibility, being personally responsible for my kids?
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:32 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,290,926 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5 View Post
The teens were just walking around the neighborhood, to each other's houses to hang out, or just hanging out in the yard. Someone had their outdoor Christmas lights cut (was probably cut accidentally by utilities), and all of a sudden it's "if I see teens outside not doing anything, I'm calling the cops". They got called on the house across the street, I only know because the police car blocked my driveway for a few minutes. And granted, the cops didn't do anything, but I don't want them called on me period.





This has never happened to me because I don't let my kids leave the house without an adult. And yes, they are young (4 and 7), but I look around the neighborhood and all the older kids outside I see their moms too, right next to them gardening or reading a book or on their iphone. Not exactly Nazi.


Do you really think it is blame shifting? I'm trying to be responsible for my own kids, making sure I keep them safe from bad people and well meaning people alike. I mean, isn't that the very essence of personal responsibility, being personally responsible for my kids?

No. I think I was out of line in terms of saying you were blame shifting. I see your point now.
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Texas
599 posts, read 478,092 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
The reality is, that it isn't really possible to know someone well enough to avoid someone trying to harm your children. It is a hard truth but something necessary to acknowledge. In this day and age, we and our children have all crossed paths with someone we would not choose to let around our children if we knew everything about them, but lucky for us, most child predators are limited in who they target. All you can do is prepare your children as best as you can and be open with yourself about how capable they are. If you are really nervous perhaps your children are no ready yet and that is perfectly fine.

Most of us went to slumber parties, probably by 4th grade, and despite the news crawl people are no worse now than they were before. And my parents didn't even know the other parents besides saying "Hi" when they dropped us off. So go with your instincts with regards to your children, and keep in mind even if you knew them better, that doesn't mean you could ever know people "extremely well".
Great advice. IMO, there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling when your kids are still as young as they are. My 1st slumber party was in the 4th grade. I would be more at ease with a slumber party than just a sleepover. My oldest is 8 and it has never come up. I would feel more comfortable at around 10-12 years of age for a sleepover.

And I never apologize for caring about my kids' well being. I grew up a latch key kid and even though I can appreciate certain aspects of it, there were dark times in my life because of no adult supervision. I personally am neither helicopter nor free range like most parents - just somewhere in between.
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:44 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,506,492 times
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Pkbab5-if this were my neighborhood I would take the topic to the HOA and try to negotiate some guidelines. There is great research out there on the importance of independent unsupervised play outside - see Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louve, Hanna Rosen's article The Overprotected Kid in the Atlantic last year (The Overprotected Kid - The Atlantic) for starters.

I understand your fears about CPS I had the same when I let my kids play at the park alone a few years ago. But if no one changes anything we are raising kids who have not fully developed and aren't ready for the real world.
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Old 01-21-2016, 12:46 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,506,492 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post

And I never apologize for caring about my kids' well being. I grew up a latch key kid and even though I can appreciate certain aspects of it, there were dark times in my life because of no adult supervision. I personally am neither helicopter nor free range like most parents - just somewhere in between.
Ah yes the predictable dig that parents who believe their kids can survive without constant supervision don't care for them. Nice.
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Old 01-21-2016, 01:12 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,521,049 times
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I was sexually abused at a sleep over (so were a few of my friends, all by the same father). It was a neighborhood friend. Most people knew the mom distantly (she did much of the grooming and wasn't super social with the parents but nice enough) but the dad worked a lot. So that said...I am a little freaked out about sleep overs. I'd say...get to know the parents. But that isn't a sure fire thing. Talk to your child about appropriate and inappropriate touch and what to do. Send them with a cell phone (essential!). But bottom line, go with your gut.

Also, it wasn't a one time thing with him, nor did it take one night of grooming to get to that point (and luckily when it get to the point of rape, I was able to climb out a window and run home).

Safety in numbers. If several girls are there, they are much safer. Depending on the ages, I would be really interested in if there were older brothers in the house. That would make me most nervous. I would also casually question what activities were planned. I think if there are games or movies planned, it is a more hands on night from responsible parents...kids can get wild and crazy if left to their own devices

So that is my best advice.

When my daughter was 6 she was invited to a sleepover where my gut said no. I am not a helicopter parent, really. She was really, really upset I said no. And I felt bad. So I decided to throw a huge pajama party. The kids came in their PJs, we watched movies, ate popcorn and pizza and ice cream, had a dance party. Parents stayed and also had a blast (a few of them braved wearing PJs too) and it wrapped up around 10pm.

She has since been to a few sleep overs and sleep over camp a couple times. I won't lie. I worry...even when I am sure she is safe. But you have to let them grow up.
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Old 01-21-2016, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 2,781,497 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
My kids didn't do sleepovers until they were 10. That was the family rule. They were still both fairly reluctant for about a year after that; I remember picking up my daughter at 11:00 pm at age 10 when she slept over her best friend's house (and we knew the family very well). Even now, with them being 15 and almost 13, I need to know the family; they don't sleep over at strangers' houses. Too many nuts and shady people out there.

As they get older I would want to make sure a parent would actually be there.
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Old 01-21-2016, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Vermont
10,098 posts, read 10,637,793 times
Reputation: 13466
A good friend of mine was confronted with this very situation and she wasn't sure what to do. Finally she called the other kid's parent and just said that she didn't know the family that well, she wasn't comfortable, and would be picking her kid up at some specified time.


The other parent was fine with that.
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