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Old 01-23-2016, 12:14 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,140 posts, read 17,686,977 times
Reputation: 22536

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my nephew (my youngest sisters son) , asked a girl to the prom coming up in May . She said she would have to go home and ask her mother if she could go . Well the girl told my nephew she could not go because they could not afford a prom dress . Well my sister thought it would be nice if they would buy the dress for the girl . Which they did , they bought the girl a dress . Apparently the mother of the girl did not like that one bit , so the mother made the girl go to my nephews place of work and return the dress . They tried calling her but apparently the mother unplugged the phone and took the girls cell phone away from her for almost three days . My sister called one of the girls friends and asked if she could possibly get the girls address so she could call the mom or go talk to the mom one on one . Well the friend told my sister she did not know her exact address and she did not think that my sister would be welcome in the home of the girl . The friend told my sister that the girl had shamed her mother for taking charity . Now my sister is feeling horrible and had no idea that this would happen and she was asking me what I would do , I told her I would leave it alone and see what happens , if the girl ever speaks to her son again . I told her she cannot fix this and no amount of apology would probably be accepted . This was and is a real mess . I hope that I gave her the best possible advice . What would you all have said ?
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Old 01-23-2016, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,337 posts, read 20,592,632 times
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Just leave it alone I agree. Not much else she can do.
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Old 01-23-2016, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,225 posts, read 37,829,922 times
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She should have approached the other mom BEFORE buying the dress.

Now it's a huge mess and she should just stop trying to interact with them.

It's sad for the boy, but he hopefully can find someone else to go to prom with. If that other girl shows up, they'll know the dress thing was probably an excuse.
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Old 01-23-2016, 01:38 PM
 
12,932 posts, read 19,831,249 times
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A kindly meant gesture that overstepped bounds. I would also let it go.
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Old 01-23-2016, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,506 posts, read 15,977,386 times
Reputation: 38909
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
She should have approached the other mom BEFORE buying the dress.

Now it's a huge mess and she should just stop trying to interact with them.

It's sad for the boy, but he hopefully can find someone else to go to prom with. If that other girl shows up, they'll know the dress thing was probably an excuse.
There is another possibility. If the parents are old-fashioned or traditional they may have thought that the son was buying the dress and that he may have wanted to exchange the dress for "favors". In some communities there is still a lot of prom night obligatory sex. Or the dress may have been too revealing or too short or too tight, in the opinion of the parent, and that may have increased how much her parents were uncomfortable about the situation.

There are still many parents who will not allow their daughters to accept expensive gifts from casual boy friends.


I agree. Just tell your sister to forget it. Maybe it will blow over, but probably not.
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Old 01-23-2016, 02:58 PM
 
Location: IN
1,935 posts, read 742,205 times
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For your sister to buy the dress WITHOUT ASKING THE MOTHER FIRST was really poor form.
She was well intentioned and just wanted to help the girl out, but it WAS charity and I can easily appreciate how the Mother would be embarrassed and angry at her daughter for accepting.

For your sister to try to get their home address and show up at their house would be REALLY pushy and would prob make the Mother even MORE uncomfortable. Your sister would be forcing the Mother to talk to her, is she more concerned with the Mother's comfort level or her own? Sounds like your sister is more interested in making herself feel better about what happened than respecting the Mother's boundary, as evidenced by her not anawering her phone.

I have paid for stuff for my kids' pals when they were younger and we had money aplenty, but always asked the Mother first; after I was widowed we had a lot less money and some of my kids' pals' Mothers would treat them to stuff and I was really embarrassed, but grateful, and my kids knew to not accept until they asked me and I gave the OK.

There's a charity that gives formal dresses to girls for prom, the girl may be able to find one near her. They have them all over the country, just Google "donate prom dress".
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Old 01-23-2016, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,506 posts, read 15,977,386 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OverItAll View Post
There's a charity that gives formal dresses to girls for prom, the girl may be able to find one near her. They have them all over the country, just Google "donate prom dress".
There are many organizations throughout the country that give free prom gowns, and in a few cases, free shoes, purses, jewelry and hair & makeup to low income students. If there is not a formal program, in most HSs if a girl approaches a guidance counselor they are often able to informally arrange for a gown for the girl either to keep or to borrow.

My daughter has donated several prom dresses over the years to organizations like this. The daughter of a friend of ours purchased a sort of pricey prom dress. At first the friend was a little concerned but the dress has now been to a least six or seven different proms/sorority events/dances worn by her daughter & her friends & even strangers and still looks great so it was well worth the price.
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Old 01-23-2016, 03:45 PM
 
420 posts, read 506,083 times
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Yeah, I think your sister's intentions were very sweet, but she way overstepped her boundaries. The best she could do is drop it at this point, it will eventually blow over.
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Old 01-23-2016, 03:46 PM
 
3,153 posts, read 2,857,380 times
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How sad that his mom screwed that up for him. I can't imagine why she thought it was OK to do that without speaking to the girl's mom first. Maybe she could write a letter of apology to the mom and send it school with her son, but otherwise I think it is beyond repair.
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Old 01-23-2016, 04:02 PM
 
420 posts, read 506,083 times
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It reminds me of a story my ex husband's sister told me happened to her:

She was in McDonalds trying to pay for her meal, but all she had was a $50 bill. The cashier would not accept the large currency. The woman behind my ex sister in law was trying to pay for the meal as a kind gesture, which completely offended my sister-in-law. She felt the woman was being condascending in her kindness, and was livid on how pushy the woman was being about the situation.

People often mean well, but you don't know how they will react. A good rule of thumb is to proceed with caution when it comes to generous gift giving that one could misconstrue as a "charity case".
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