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Old 01-28-2016, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Lexington, Kentucky
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Honestly, your daughters behavior sounds pretty atypical for the age...that was a difficult age as I remember, and you do start spending more time in your room, or by yourself, its part of the natural separation that takes places as one starts to grow up - I wouldn't worry about it too much unless the daughter starts showing signs of depression, which could happen....her Mother is putting her through a lot, and at a time when she is going through a lot. (I would mention this to your wife's doctor, because her behavior toward your daughter is in my opinion abusive...and the daughter doesn't deserve that.)
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Old 01-28-2016, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,438 posts, read 7,159,129 times
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My dad was bipolar. Is your wife on medication? Does she see a psychiatrist? Does she take her medication? With bipolars it can be tricky to get the medication optimized and it may need to be changed over time.

Your wife needs additional treatment so that she doesn't run the family with her disease - this is not acceptable. Get her in to see her psychiatrist or find another one. This is HER issue and for the sake of the family SHE has to work on it.

So I see that you said your wife is doing all the right stuff - but if her behavior is not under control then there is a problem. Do you SEE her take her meds? When bipolars are manicky it can feel like a real bummer to have to come down to earth so they skip their meds. But then they can be angry and aggressive...sound familiar? Even if she's taking them they need to be adjusted - either by dose or a different combination. And she doesnt' just get to stop therapy - if it's truly not working, find another therapist - but don't let her "doctor hop" any time she's not happy - that's manipulative.
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Old 01-28-2016, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,438 posts, read 7,159,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
You're mistaking the OPs wife for a child in need of behavior modification. Not the case. It is not the OPs job to discipline his wife. WTH?

She is a person with an ILLNESS, one that is exacerbated by stress. The theory of taking a vacation to relieve stress...especially from the demands of 4 parenting children, is not ridiculous.

I feel bad, though, because one thing I've been reflecting on about my childhood was our inability to have fun. Mom would carefully plan 'fun' and when things didn't go her way, she would wreck it. Then blame others. It was years before I learned to be spontaneous and learn how to turn a less than desirable situation around. (I did it for my kids)

So I admit I'd be surprised if this cruise turns out successfully, considering the wife's apparent deteriorating condition. But I am not there, and I don't know the woman, so I hope for the best for the OP!
A week's vacation will not help a bipolar. She's not having temporary stress - she has an ongoing mental illness that needs additional treatment.
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Old 01-28-2016, 01:49 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,664,278 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post
It was her therapists suggestion that she escape the winter dark and cold and take a break. Agreed the responses and info go both ways and is only as good as what is conveyed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post
She is taking her meds. She has a psychiatrist appt today and we will discuss further adjustments. Yes she quit counseling, and I can't force that unless it gets to the point of forced hospitalization. There are problems, but you have taken a tangent and decided you have all the answers. No single thing is going to lead to a complete solution.
I'm confused, if your wife isn't seeing a therapist what therapist suggested the vacation?

What's the plan for your wife when you get home? I'm a bit shocked her therapist is telling you a vacation will help things. Sure she might be able to enjoy the vacation but it's an escape, not a solution. When you come back, life will pick up right where it left off.

What happens then?
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Old 01-28-2016, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Central IL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post
It was her therapists suggestion that she escape the winter dark and cold and take a break. Agreed the responses and info go both ways and is only as good as what is conveyed.
Then she needs a SAD light to combat that - a week's vacation is not a good solution. I would suggest the therapist is not qualified to even make such a diagnosis if a cruise is what she considers to be the treatment.
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Old 01-28-2016, 01:57 PM
 
1,779 posts, read 6,831,302 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa View Post
I'm confused, if your wife isn't seeing a therapist what therapist suggested the vacation?

What's the plan for your wife when you get home? I'm a bit shocked her therapist is telling you a vacation will help things. Sure she might be able to enjoy the vacation but it's an escape, not a solution. When you come back, life will pick up right where it left off.

What happens then?
Therapist suggested it in December when she was still going. It wasn't meant to be a cure-all. The context was my wife felt like every day everything was the same and there was nothing to look forward too. I said brought up I had frequent flyer miles and we could use those. The therapist thought it was a great idea. My wife had a hard time implementing the techniques discussed in therapy.
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Old 01-28-2016, 01:58 PM
 
1,779 posts, read 6,831,302 times
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Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Then she needs a SAD light to combat that - a week's vacation is not a good solution. I would suggest the therapist is not qualified to even make such a diagnosis if a cruise is what she considers to be the treatment.
And you are qualified how?
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Old 01-28-2016, 02:09 PM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,664,278 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post
Therapist suggested it in December when she was still going. It wasn't meant to be a cure-all. The context was my wife felt like every day everything was the same and there was nothing to look forward too. I said brought up I had frequent flyer miles and we could use those. The therapist thought it was a great idea. My wife had a hard time implementing the techniques discussed in therapy.
In what ways? Is it that she's doesn't know how to use the skills or that she's just not interested in use them and getting better?

What's the plan when you return from the cruise?

You can go on the cruise but when she comes home there is a good chance she'll start right back up on your daughter and you'll be in the same exact place.
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Old 01-28-2016, 02:18 PM
 
1,779 posts, read 6,831,302 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa View Post
In what ways? Is it that she's doesn't know how to use the skills or that she's just not interested in use them and getting better?

What's the plan when you return from the cruise?

You can go on the cruise but when she comes home there is a good chance she'll start right back up on your daughter and you'll be in the same exact place.
It's not that she doesn't want to change. It's that she falls into old patterns and / or doesn't have the emotional energy to try. I'm fully aware she won't be "better" afterwards.

Plan before and after is to continue psychiatrist appointments and start counseling with daughter and hopefully expand to all who need it.
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Old 01-28-2016, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,438 posts, read 7,159,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post
And you are qualified how?
I have personal experience with both bipolars (my dad was in and out of hospitals with multiple suicide attempts and suffered through many treatments including electroconvulsive shock therapy) major depression and SAD. I also have a master's in psychology. No one has ever seriously suggested that a vacation would have a lasting impact. In fact, 90% of people would not even have the finances to take a week's cruise - so not very practical for the majority of people.

BTW, a SAD light costs less than a $100 and only takes about 30 min. of exposure a day...worth a try? Nope - just reject it as you have pretty much all the advice you've received here.
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