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Old 01-26-2016, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,165 posts, read 2,895,274 times
Reputation: 3519

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pansori View Post
I have a feeling that if the OP writes the letter he won't leave a return address so the homeowner could respond. I'm sorry, the OP and his wife sound incredibly entitled dictating how that woman should be in her own home. One can only hope their daughter grows up with better manners and empathy than what her parents are able to instill.
Good thing she's in girl scouts.....
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:01 AM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,489,790 times
Reputation: 23714
What do you wish to achieve writing a letter?

To blow off steam? Seems likely because before you were against it, now you are mad at the replies you got so you are thinking of writing a letter. Well that means you are taking out your frustration with C-D forum contributors on your neighbor. Nice.

To get an apology? You don't deserve one, your child doesn't deserve one. Think about the lesson your child would learn? Everybody has to be nice to me or my mommy and daddy are going to make them. Do you really want your child growing up thinking that? Do you really want to be running around making everyone be nice to your baby girl for the rest of your life. Id imagine its a full time job.

To start a neighborhood feud? Thats what is likely going to happen. So say this woman is a crazy, mean, cold hearted lunatic who loves to yell at little girls. You think she will take kindly to a letter? There actually are people out there who are nut jobs and just love getting into feuds. Its best to limit your exposure. In a story I shared where my kid got yelled at AND had something thrown at him, I didn't even confront the neighbor. It was clear she must have been drunk and I didn't want to escalate the situation any further. Things like that can get out of control.

To change the neighbor's ways? Not likely. She had her reasons, I am sure she will stick by them.

And yes, I have been rude to people. Everyone has. Even you have. It doesn't make our opinions on your and your daughter's behavior less valid.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:03 AM
 
385 posts, read 354,423 times
Reputation: 1019
Quote:
Originally Posted by PNWGuy View Post
That is correct. I would not put what my daughter inadvertently did, up there on the same level with that lady's reaction. Had she had her nose pressed up against the glass, with her hands cupped around her eyes to see in, then that would have been a different story - and that is my opinion. At the same time, had the homeowner opened the door, and told my daughter it was not nice to peek/peer in, then by all means we would have apologized. And had the lady simply said "No thanks", we would have been on our way. Could the lady have messaged her displeasure differently? Absolutely, and i don't doubt anyone here would disagree.

For those that agree with the lady's reaction - maybe tit-for-tat, or two wrongs make a right works for many of you. Maybe many of you would accept rudeness when directed to you or your child. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me that this story it a nerve to where some of you are somewhat embarrassed as it reminds you of something you did in the past, and you are trying to defend it? Maybe that's a stretch...

I guess I found that kind of response from that lady unacceptable, regardless where she was. And you know what, maybe a letter to her is warranted....


Sorry, but two wrongs don't make a right. You admit that you would have apologized for peering in, if the owner had come out to lecture your daughter. But, because she just said "go away", you and your daughter are no longer wrong for peeking into her home.


I frequently knock on people's doors, and they are expecting me. However, when I encounter a glass panel, such as you describe, I never look in. I ring the bell, and stand to the side, where they can see me. But, I don't look in, I stand sideways, looking at the door or wall. It's not acceptable to do the wrong thing, just because it's easy.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Prosper
6,268 posts, read 12,101,075 times
Reputation: 9325
Personally, I think it's better to have children set up shop in front of a grocery store or other public place to sell cookies, rather than go door to door.

Situations like these are entirely avoided. Most people do not like anyone trying to sell them anything at their home. I've even removed our doorbell, because we'd have people come up to the door when our toddler was sleeping, ring the bell, that would make our dog bark, wake up our kid, and then she won't go back to sleep for her nap... And all the while I'm not interested in the slightest as to what the person at the door is selling. But now, instead of 2-3 hours of peace and quiet and having time to get things done, now I've got to watch my kid all day, and she'll be cranky at night because she didn't have her nap.

Buying a "No Soliciting" sign doesn't help at all, tried that at our last house.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:29 AM
 
2,813 posts, read 1,396,901 times
Reputation: 6116
Quote:
Originally Posted by PNWGuy View Post
Hi folks, first, I appreciate everyone's responses, regardless whether I agree or disagree. However I do want to clear up a couple misconceptions, not sure if there is misinterpretation or lack of explanation on my part.

About the "peeking" - the front door is about 4' wide frosted glass, but with two clear side panels on the side, each about 2' wide. So if you are at the front door, is it hard to *not* see through the panels. I typically stand about 3-4' behind my daughter so i'm not hovering, and from where I was, you could see clearly through the glass, all the way into their back yard. It was nothing like a "peeping Tom" kind of thing. It was a simple tilt of the head to the right to see if anyone was coming to the door. We went to that house simply because we could see the TV on from the street through the glass panels.

The comments about my daughter needing to learn it's not about her....I reread my post, and I could not see what would prompt that comment. She didn't ask us to write anything, she didn't whine/complain, I simply mentioned that is not a polite way to act, and we moved on. I don't think it's unrealistic for an 8 yr old to be upset at being yelled at for no good reason. Maybe I could have prepared her a little more about the crazies here in AZ. But our community is super family-friendly, and is one reason it has one of the highest resale values in the county. Public schools are top notch, families are heavily invested in the classrooms and communities, and girl scout cookies are a big deal in our city, every year.

Personally, I hate door-to-door salespersons. I ignore them every chance I get. However if I do open the door, I will listen to their pitch, say no thanks and good luck (assuming I am not interested). I find it hard to believe many of you justify the behavior of that person to a child. I am pretty sure none of you would want to get caught acting like that either.

To the person who said they'd give the middle finger to a child like that, I call BS.

Someone mentioned they are surprised my wife didn't post it to facebook. Personally, that would be rude and inconsiderate, and we would be stooping down to that person's level. I am not a fan of public shaming at all. Positive reinforcement is my thing. If that person acted like that in public, I would reconsider.

about the letter... well I am in agreement with many of you, I think it is not a good idea, many of you provided some good reasoning although based on what I saw, doesn't apply in this particular case. At the same time, it provided a different perspective which I hadn't even thought of, so I thank you.
I think I get what you're saying, PNWGuy, a few of my houses have had those sidelights, and they are a little awkward.

But, from your OP, it sounded like this woman did NOT come to the door? Did NOT answer it. But here (the bolded) it sounds like she did open the door?

IMO, that's a HUGE difference. Someone sitting in their house, who doesn't want to be bothered shouting "go away!" (That you had to tilt your head to see her saying...?) is really not a problem. Perhaps unpleasant for you and your daughter but, like many have posted, who knows what was going on in the privacy of her home. BUT, someone opening the door and shouting "go away!" would be incredibly rude--if you're bothering to answer the door you should use basic manners. But, again, who knows what's going on in other people's lives? Either way, I'd use the incident as a way to teach compassion, rather than pointing out rude manners. And the pitfalls of door-to-door solicitation.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:32 AM
 
420 posts, read 504,493 times
Reputation: 727
And I am sorry, it doesn't sound like a simple peeking in. If she sees a woman on a couch, yelling that sounds like outright staring in.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:44 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,104 posts, read 17,634,355 times
Reputation: 22439
well how about sending a nice card and apologizing and say we are sorry if we offended you by coming to your door to sell cookies for the girl scouts ...and please let us know if there is anything we can do for you and again we are sorry to have approached you at an inconvient time . what is wrong with a lil kindness shown towards this lady instead of anger ? send an apology card not an angry letter .
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Charlotte Area
3,165 posts, read 2,895,274 times
Reputation: 3519
Quote:
Originally Posted by MckinneyOwnr View Post
Personally, I think it's better to have children set up shop in front of a grocery store or other public place to sell cookies, rather than go door to door.

Situations like these are entirely avoided. Most people do not like anyone trying to sell them anything at their home. I've even removed our doorbell, because we'd have people come up to the door when our toddler was sleeping, ring the bell, that would make our dog bark, wake up our kid, and then she won't go back to sleep for her nap... And all the while I'm not interested in the slightest as to what the person at the door is selling. But now, instead of 2-3 hours of peace and quiet and having time to get things done, now I've got to watch my kid all day, and she'll be cranky at night because she didn't have her nap.

Buying a "No Soliciting" sign doesn't help at all, tried that at our last house.
May I suggest https://ring.com/. I am seriously considering getting one or more of these. I've been home for the last few days with the kids, their friends, the dog and my sick husband. Someone suggested one of these because some boys were playing doorbell ditch which lead into people ringing the doorbell to see if you're at home. I like it to make my dog stop barking everytime my kid's friend rings the doorbell.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Texas
3,693 posts, read 2,835,177 times
Reputation: 6079
This is one of the reasons I did not want my 8 year old (who is new to Girl Scouts this year) selling cookies. I politely decline when solicitors come to my home, and I have yet to hit up friends or neighbors for sales of any kind, cookies or otherwise.

This year, I bought a dozen boxes in my name, and that was it. However, the cookie sales are quite important to the GS and do teach some important skills. My daughter really wants to do it, so we will revisit next year and probably find some middle ground.
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Old 01-26-2016, 08:55 AM
 
2,422 posts, read 3,261,321 times
Reputation: 4828
What an amusing thread. This poor woman who may have been sitting on her sofa with her leg in a cast sees someone ringing her doorbell (and peeking through her windows so she can't pretend she isn't home) that she wasn't expecting and yells for them to go away.

What else was she supposed to do if she did not want to or couldn't answer the door? Should she have yelled out "What do you want?" when she probably didn't care what they wanted. Should she have yelled "No Thank You" which may have prompted the solicitor to start to solicit? I think "Go away" was exactly the correct response. The annoying solicitors went away.

The lesson for the daughter is not that some people are rude. This woman was not rude. The lesson for the daughter is that some people do not want to be approached by solicitors and as a solicitor she has to respect that.

If she had cursed at your daughter I would consider that rude. But your daughter pestering someone and being told to go away does not make the other person rude. That being said a little real world sales experience for your daughter is a good idea. This was a teaching moment for you and frankly you missed it because you can't see your special snowflake for what she is. A normal girl pestering people inside their home, just like any other annoying solicitor.
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