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Old 01-29-2016, 09:12 AM
 
1,097 posts, read 1,744,843 times
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Boston Mike is correct. Her mom or dad will drop off and pickup for that day. I dont think she has paid for babysitting in over a year. In emergency she has friends with kids or recently her boyfriend watched her. In a big emergency I can call in sick. Yet again its only one day because I watch her the other two days. If she works an extra day its holidays or she has her mom watch her.

In my old job I used to pay 17 on take home which was usually 1200 per check then bonus if we hit quota as a location around 1 to 2k. This new job pays around 1100 because I have public transportation taken out. Next month I should be commission eligible which will be paid out march.

So should I try finding a deal closer to what she wants or wait until the mediator? Or just do nothing?
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Old 01-29-2016, 10:34 AM
 
26 posts, read 28,299 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skilldeadly View Post
So my ex and I have been living separate since September of 2014. Since that time I have visited her every weekend (minus one for a trip) including holidays and for parent teacher conferences. I pay 17% of my take home to my ex. No court order, no custody agreement.

Now, she is exploring a mediator to get more money. In addition to the 17%, I pay for some of the clothes, food, entertainment, birthday presents for my daughters friends parties, special events. I make about half what she makes.

She is stating its 17% plus childcare which she goes to pre K at around 500 per month. My fear is that they are going to find that I need to pay 250 in arrears which could be close to 3 or 4k. I'm already at the breaking point debt wise and if this happens, I would need to file for bankruptcy to clear debts.

I want to do right by my child, but I feel like 17% plus child care plus all the money I spend every weekend when I'm with her would be impossible given my salary.

Any tips on how this will play out and what I can do to ensure that my daughter is covered, but I get a fair deal in this?
If you live in NY pre k is now universal which is free no cost at all and get a lawyer.
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Old 01-30-2016, 01:43 PM
 
6,015 posts, read 2,727,031 times
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Summarizing what I feel has been good advice to you,


You need to determine what the state of NY would generally require you to pay. You or her or the both of you have calculated the base child support incorrectly. You are also calculating the child care expense incorrectly at 50% for each.


Whether or not that is offset by the extra's you are paying is not clear. And, the amounts you pay while your child is in your custody cannot be counted.


Either use the worksheets NY has, get a free consultation with a lawyer, or perhaps go online to one of those Ask a Lawyer sites and see if you can get an answer.


You can do a DIY child support agreement in NY without a lawyer. If you both agree, fill in the doc with all the required info file it, get a court date and a judge will review it and make it legal. What you need to know from a lawyer is how close to NY state requirements does it have to be. The judge will not just automatically rubber stamp it because you agree. It will still be reviewed for fairness and best interest of child.


If you continue as is, there are risks. Keep in mind that this is only the first of probably many future requests for more money. Childs expenses will increase, COL will increase, your salary increases or just because she can. If you have a legal agreement, that may not stop the requests, but ex will have to weigh whether its worth going back to court. Usually its not. Again, since you don't know how what you are paying stacks up against whats generally ordered, you don't know if its worth it to her to go to court.


You need to consider whether or not you would be better off with a higher base amount, plus your share of child care, leaving anything extra at your discretion.


Right now it sounds like you have an amicable situation, where you see your child whenever you want to or are able to, and you are not at war over money. Only you can decide if you are willing to risk what might happen if that goes south.


Also, if you plan to go on as is, going to war over an expense that's now less than a year is probably not smart.


You also need to keep in mind that if you keep doing what you are doing, and later decide to go get a legal agreement. Theres a good chance a judge would order you keep paying what you are paying even if it is higher than the required NY standard. Another question to ask a lawyer how likely that is. The logic they would use is you've been paying it and its now part of the childs lifestyle they will seek to maintain in the childs best interest.
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Old 01-30-2016, 06:38 PM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,664,766 times
Reputation: 5537
Quote:
Originally Posted by skilldeadly View Post
So thank you to everyone that responded!

So I live in Queens, work in Manhattan, and travel to Long Island to see my daughter. Her mom and I (never married) have a decent relationship. She really wants me to be a part of my daughters life. I had paternity leave for 3 months paid from my job. I stayed home for a year and a half when we were living together to take care of her.

Right now my daughter is in the last year of PreK so next year there will be no child care expenses. My ex is a nurse and makes 80k a year. She works 3 days a week 12 hour shifts typically. She lives in an apartment underneath her parents. I leave work at 5:30 Friday and leave late Sunday night. She works Saturday and Sunday. It's a fair trade because she doesn't have to drive her to my place, I don't have a car to transport, and in exchange I help do laundry and clean.

Sadly I can't see my daughter during the week or I would. We are planning on moving someplace where I can be closer and see her more often. She gets up at 7am and goes to bed at 730 most nights, so it wouldn't make sense for me to travel there.

I'm in sales and soon to be commission eligible so I plan on getting more money to her. I have wanted to avoid courts and lawyers. I would rather my daughter get this money. I could understand if I wasnt paying or dont see her at all, but I see her every day possible. My worry was getting destroyed on back pay. But like someone said, there is no agreement. But I have read where they can try to get you for money you should have paid before. I'm not positive about this. I can't really afford right now to go to a lawyer for consultation so I have to research and prepare on my own.

At this point, I'm going to let her force the issue. She has threatened many times before but nothing came from it. If she does go to the courts, she likely will get not too much more anyways. I don't have a problem paying for my child, but I dont want to be broke while doing it. I dont buy fancy things. I dont go on trips. I pay my rent, my debt, my cell, food, and clothes every now and again.
They can't get money you should of paid when there is no agreement in place in the first place. In the eyes of the law of many States if you aren't married you legally have no parental rights until you go through the formal process. I guess if you are rich beyond belief the Court might make an exception, but not for a working class person who doesn't make a whole lot.
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Old 01-30-2016, 06:40 PM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,664,766 times
Reputation: 5537
Quote:
Originally Posted by skilldeadly View Post
Boston Mike is correct. Her mom or dad will drop off and pickup for that day. I dont think she has paid for babysitting in over a year. In emergency she has friends with kids or recently her boyfriend watched her. In a big emergency I can call in sick. Yet again its only one day because I watch her the other two days. If she works an extra day its holidays or she has her mom watch her.

In my old job I used to pay 17 on take home which was usually 1200 per check then bonus if we hit quota as a location around 1 to 2k. This new job pays around 1100 because I have public transportation taken out. Next month I should be commission eligible which will be paid out march.

So should I try finding a deal closer to what she wants or wait until the mediator? Or just do nothing?
I would try to make a deal with her and avoid the mediator. You don't want it to escalate any become a bitter situation. As you pointed out you will be making more soon.
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