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Old 01-26-2016, 10:18 PM
 
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So my ex and I have been living separate since September of 2014. Since that time I have visited her every weekend (minus one for a trip) including holidays and for parent teacher conferences. I pay 17% of my take home to my ex. No court order, no custody agreement.

Now, she is exploring a mediator to get more money. In addition to the 17%, I pay for some of the clothes, food, entertainment, birthday presents for my daughters friends parties, special events. I make about half what she makes.

She is stating its 17% plus childcare which she goes to pre K at around 500 per month. My fear is that they are going to find that I need to pay 250 in arrears which could be close to 3 or 4k. I'm already at the breaking point debt wise and if this happens, I would need to file for bankruptcy to clear debts.

I want to do right by my child, but I feel like 17% plus child care plus all the money I spend every weekend when I'm with her would be impossible given my salary.

Any tips on how this will play out and what I can do to ensure that my daughter is covered, but I get a fair deal in this?
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Old 01-27-2016, 02:11 AM
 
6,015 posts, read 2,708,559 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skilldeadly View Post
So my ex and I have been living separate since September of 2014. Since that time I have visited her every weekend (minus one for a trip) including holidays and for parent teacher conferences. I pay 17% of my take home to my ex. No court order, no custody agreement.

Now, she is exploring a mediator to get more money. In addition to the 17%, I pay for some of the clothes, food, entertainment, birthday presents for my daughters friends parties, special events. I make about half what she makes.

She is stating its 17% plus childcare which she goes to pre K at around 500 per month. My fear is that they are going to find that I need to pay 250 in arrears which could be close to 3 or 4k. I'm already at the breaking point debt wise and if this happens, I would need to file for bankruptcy to clear debts.

I want to do right by my child, but I feel like 17% plus child care plus all the money I spend every weekend when I'm with her would be impossible given my salary.

Any tips on how this will play out and what I can do to ensure that my daughter is covered, but I get a fair deal in this?
It looks like you are in NY. You can google NY child support guidelines and find worksheets to estimate what a court would order. I would look at those from the state and also other websites that interpret them.


In any case, its not 17% applied to your take home pay. Its 17% applied to you and ex's total income adjusted for alimony paid or child support to any other children. Your share of that amount is whatever percentage your income is of the total for both of you. If you make half what she makes and no other adjustments, that would be 33%.


Child care and health insurance as well as future unreimbursed health expenses are "add ons". Your share would be 33% of the total for those things.


So......you are probably already underpaying vs what a court would order. I don't know if the extra's you are paying bring you up to the correct amount or whether any of them would be included by a judge. Unlikely, and do you even have a record of all that? Even if you had a legal agreement, money you spend on your child while the child is in your custody doesn't count in determining support.


You are probably better off consulting an attorney and getting something nailed down that is legally acceptable to a court.
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Old 01-27-2016, 03:25 AM
 
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with much depending upon the local laws and courts ...

your expectations of getting a "fair deal" may be quite different than a mediator or judge following a formula would award.

Perhaps you'd be well advised to seek counsel now that specializes in Father's rights.
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Old 01-27-2016, 07:58 AM
 
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Plus you only visit her every weekend? That is like the crappiest visitation schedule on the block, next to EOW. Why not try for 50/50? I would suggest you check out the Men's Divorce Forums, but be prepared to be raked over the coals if you express more concern for your finances than equal time with your child.
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Old 01-27-2016, 08:07 AM
 
8,746 posts, read 8,963,859 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondy View Post
It looks like you are in NY. You can google NY child support guidelines and find worksheets to estimate what a court would order. I would look at those from the state and also other websites that interpret them.


In any case, its not 17% applied to your take home pay. Its 17% applied to you and ex's total income adjusted for alimony paid or child support to any other children. Your share of that amount is whatever percentage your income is of the total for both of you. If you make half what she makes and no other adjustments, that would be 33%.


Child care and health insurance as well as future unreimbursed health expenses are "add ons". Your share would be 33% of the total for those things.


So......you are probably already underpaying vs what a court would order. I don't know if the extra's you are paying bring you up to the correct amount or whether any of them would be included by a judge. Unlikely, and do you even have a record of all that? Even if you had a legal agreement, money you spend on your child while the child is in your custody doesn't count in determining support.


You are probably better off consulting an attorney and getting something nailed down that is legally acceptable to a court.


This....all of it.

Consult a lawyer. They will give you the proper advice. We can't give you legal advice here.
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Old 01-27-2016, 08:09 AM
 
8,746 posts, read 8,963,859 times
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Originally Posted by Pansori View Post
Plus you only visit her every weekend? That is like the crappiest visitation schedule on the block, next to EOW. Why not try for 50/50?
Standard is usually Every other weekend. If he's getting every weekend, he's making out. Crappy yes, but better than most.

50/50 is tough to do in reality unless the parents live very close to each other. Since we don't know the OP's situation, it's tough to tell him what he should do.
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Old 01-27-2016, 08:56 AM
 
9,364 posts, read 15,836,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pansori View Post
Plus you only visit her every weekend? That is like the crappiest visitation schedule on the block, next to EOW. Why not try for 50/50? I would suggest you check out the Men's Divorce Forums, but be prepared to be raked over the coals if you express more concern for your finances than equal time with your child.

Without knowing how far apart they are, you are in no position to judge. I try and spend some extra time with my kids on non visitation weekends when our schedules allow, and it is a six hour trip for me to drive down and see my kids, take them out to dinner and spend a little time together, and then drive home.
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Old 01-27-2016, 09:17 AM
 
420 posts, read 506,083 times
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I am not judging, I am asking a legit question. In this day and age when most states are recognizing and encouraging 50/50 custody as being in the best interest of the child then maybe the OP should consider revisiting his custody schedule. Not only that, allowing more time with his child may also change the amount he pays in child support.

I also advised to look into a forum that specifically deals with custody and divorce issue and warned THEY would judge if he is not putting the needs of having the child as much as possible first.
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Old 01-27-2016, 12:26 PM
 
8,746 posts, read 8,963,859 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pansori View Post
I am not judging, I am asking a legit question. In this day and age when most states are recognizing and encouraging 50/50 custody as being in the best interest of the child then maybe the OP should consider revisiting his custody schedule. Not only that, allowing more time with his child may also change the amount he pays in child support.
Depends on the state. Some states take time with child into consideration, some don't. I don't believe NY factors it is. Any money, food clothing he provides while child is in his care is not factored in too or part of the CS he pays.

50/50 legal custody is generally awarded these days, but 50/50 physical custody is hard to do unless everyone lives very close to each other.

Overall, it's always going to be what's best for the child. Forcing a child to sit in a car for 2 hours+ multiple times per week is not what's best for the child despite helping dad reduce his CS obligation (in a state that factors time spent with child).
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Old 01-27-2016, 12:41 PM
 
420 posts, read 506,083 times
Reputation: 727
In the end I would also strongly recommend OP speak with any attorney to officially lay out cs and custody time. OP makes less than his wife (from the sound of it). He should try the maximize time with his child while providing a fair amount of cs.

Last edited by Pansori; 01-27-2016 at 01:03 PM..
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