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Old 01-28-2016, 01:53 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,235,817 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 191185 View Post
How many kids do you have again ? by your response I will say 0. But I'm sure you will come back and say you raised 3 scholars, by yourself, and two are doctors , and one lawyer.


Kids are not just "bad" ? have you not scrolled down these forums, and read all the different threads started by many different people, who are at their wits with there teenage daughter / son who won't move out/ go to college / stop smoking pot / stop getting pregnant ?!

what do you think those kids acted like when they were 12 ? saints ?
I know people hate it when I say this. The question to ask was what were Mom and Dad acting like when they were 2-7?
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Old 01-28-2016, 01:57 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,280,786 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 191185 View Post
How many kids do you have again ? by your response I will say 0. But I'm sure you will come back and say you raised 3 scholars, by yourself, and two are doctors , and one lawyer.


Kids are not just "bad" ? have you not scrolled down these forums, and read all the different threads started by many different people, who are at their wits with there teenage daughter / son who won't move out/ go to college / stop smoking pot / stop getting pregnant ?!

what do you think those kids acted like when they were 12 ? saints ?

Two teenagers. 14 and 16.

Yep, I've read many of those threads. The common denominator is parents who don't take responsibility for their role in enabling their kids' dysfunctional behaviors.
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Old 01-28-2016, 01:58 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,280,786 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I know people hate it when I say this. The question to ask was what were Mom and Dad acting like when they were 2-7?
That's where it starts. Although it is never too late for changes. Amazing how many parents just think kids wake up one day and are out of control.
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Old 01-28-2016, 02:30 PM
 
1,346 posts, read 1,004,976 times
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[quote=oldtrader;42809545]Let me tell you how I feel about it as I am a step father.

When I married my wife, I also in my heart married her 2 1/2 year old son. There is no such thing, as step in our family.

The son has never even met his biological father, as they were divorced a month before he was born. I am the only father he ever knew.

We have 4 children of our own, and he considers them all his siblings, as they do him.

When we took him to meet my parents before we got married, at that moment he became their grandparents as far as they were concerned, and he considered them his grandparents all the rest of their lives.

As far as I cam concerned, once you marry a person with children, they are your children as much as any more children you may have together. If you cannot do that, then you have no business marrying that man or woman, if you are not at the same time marrying their children in your heart.

I adopted him, and he was legally my child as well as morally. The father was very erratic in paying his child support. I called him up, and told him I was going to adopt the boy which would eliminate all future child support, and would forget the missed and owning child support. If not, then we were going to pursue all back/missed child support and future support had to be paid on time. He immediately agreed to sign away his parental rights so I could adopt him.

Anyone that marries someone with children and will not also take on the responsibilities of their children, and love them as your own, you are not much of a man or woman.

My stepson, was my paternal grandmothers favorite great grandchild from a large number of them, as she was frail and would be in bed a lot, and he would go in and sit on the bed with her and they would talk and connect for hours at a time when we would take him over to see her. She said he was the one great grandchild that really wanted to be with her, not just run in say HI and leave to play when they were small.

This son, died a year ago last September at 64 years old. I and all his siblings have really missed

So sorry for your loss, the death of a child is never easy. I loss my daughter 3 yrs ago and it's a pain unlike any other.
As for the rest of your post I feel the exact same way if you can't accept the children as your own you have no business marrying their parent. Just don't understand people who think differently.
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Old 01-28-2016, 02:35 PM
 
1,346 posts, read 1,004,976 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I know people hate it when I say this. The question to ask was what were Mom and Dad acting like when they were 2-7?
So true, teaching a child limits and respect for themselves and others starts very young. You can't wait until they are out of control before you start disciplining. You discipline so they don't become out of control.
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Old 01-28-2016, 02:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
How to you get all the way to married without figuring this out?
It amazes me but apparently it happens a lot.
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Old 01-28-2016, 02:53 PM
 
7,859 posts, read 6,668,091 times
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There are some selfish parents who will murder the step children , but some may be put up for adoption , then others will grow up in hatred corrupting the children ......
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Old 01-28-2016, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Warren, OH
2,706 posts, read 3,135,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mic111 View Post
As someone who didn't want children I may be able to throw some light on this.

#1) People with kids often don't want more. So they try to find someone who doesn't want or doesn't have kids.

When I was single I had many men try to date me with kids who didn't want more kids. I refused to date men with kids because I didn't want kids. Not theirs, not mine. However see #2 as to why some women may go ahead and marry a man with kids.

#2) It isn't that easy to find someone without kids who doesn't want kids.

There are many more men with kids who don't want kids than there are men without kids who don't want kids. Naturally one has to avoid the men without kids who want kids if one does not want kids. As you can see when you X out the ones who want kids and X out the ones with kids you end up with a very small set.

The best thing for people who have kids and are looking for another spouse is for them to stick with the people who want kids or have kids. Either way they should accept the fact that they are likely to end up with more kids if they should divorce the spouse they had kids with.
So then don't get married. Very simple.
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Old 01-28-2016, 04:12 PM
 
12,460 posts, read 13,100,747 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 191185 View Post
..But I'm sure you will come back and say you raised 3 scholars, by yourself, and two are doctors , and one lawyer.
this made me smile

i worked in Human Resources for a while at a large hospital, and in-processed new employees, so I got to see their credentials, resumes, qualifications, etc. Obviously any doctor is smart and skilled to even be a physician, but this one had on top of his medical license a very, very accomplished work life. We were chatting, and I told him we were glad to have him on board etc. and i commented too how proud his mother must be. He said no actually she wasn't, as she constantly compared him unfavorably to his brother. I thought he was joking and i said "Oh yeah, like he's a rocket scientist or something." He nodded and said, yes he is, his brother is a rocket scientist. For real. We had a good laugh.
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Old 01-29-2016, 12:11 AM
 
2,319 posts, read 1,982,597 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mic111 View Post
As someone who didn't want children I may be able to throw some light on this.

#1) People with kids often don't want more. So they try to find someone who doesn't want or doesn't have kids.

When I was single I had many men try to date me with kids who didn't want more kids. I refused to date men with kids because I didn't want kids. Not theirs, not mine. However see #2 as to why some women may go ahead and marry a man with kids.

#2) It isn't that easy to find someone without kids who doesn't want kids.

There are many more men with kids who don't want kids than there are men without kids who don't want kids. Naturally one has to avoid the men without kids who want kids if one does not want kids. As you can see when you X out the ones who want kids and X out the ones with kids you end up with a very small set.

The best thing for people who have kids and are looking for another spouse is for them to stick with the people who want kids or have kids. Either way they should accept the fact that they are likely to end up with more kids if they should divorce the spouse they had kids with.
^^^ I could have written this.

Case in point, happened last year: Old boyfriend contacts me from out of the blue, says he's never stopped thinking about me (but has been married twice and been in two long-term relationships, has four kids). Riiight. My first thought? He wants a wife/stepmother to help out with the two younger ones, age 6 and 8.

First conversation: Me: "Glad to hear from you. What's my life like, you ask? I'm divorced, live alone, never had kids, didn't want them, all is well."

He continues to contact me, flatter me, we talk about old times, new times, laugh a lot, it's fine, but I'm not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship at all, which I tell him as time passes. He sends me audio recordings of his kids, photos of his kids, all of which I delete because....I'm not interested.

Fast-forward six months to last conversation: Him: "But you haven't MET ___ and ___. They're the most wonderful children in the WORLD. You will see. You just have to MEET them."

Me: "I said from the get-go that I didn't want kids. I knew this when I was a teenager. I don't want them in my life. I told you any attempt at a 'relationship' would be a colossal failure. Go away."

The end of what could have been a good friendship. This guy did not want to hear that I absolutely meant what I said about the kid thing. Plus, his two older ones were in their 20s and had "20s" problems of their own.

So, I guess that's another theory/reason about why men or women pursue relationships with people who don't want children. They need a spouse/step-parent to pitch in and think they can "break" us.
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