Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-29-2016, 02:48 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,593,756 times
Reputation: 42767

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
They might not even be aware at the beginning, sometimes the person will fake it and slowly try to separate the parent from the child, or find ways to get in the way of the parent-child relationship. It is not unusual for the person doing this to have children themselves.

Then there are parents who are just bad parents and would sacrifice their children for a new partner. Those two types deserve each other.
No! They absolutely do not deserve one another, because there are children involved.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-29-2016, 03:16 PM
 
1,644 posts, read 1,655,750 times
Reputation: 6237
Lots of good responses, some I agree with some I don't.

To the posters who knew they didn't want children and stuck to it and didn't get involved with people who had children I applaud you. You saved everyone from heartache.

I've come to the conclusion I will never understand or agree with people who marry people with children who don't want to be involved in especially minor stepchildren lives. It's not easy to be a stepparent and it doesn't always turn into the Brady Bunch but if your not willing to try then why go there at all.

You can be involved in a child's life without being a helicopter parent, in fact in my opinion one of a parents main responsibilities is to raise a child who can function as a responsible, independent member of society.

I hope I never become a person who can't at least be polite to my in-laws for the sake of my spouse. Not because he expects it but because I want him to have a good relationship with them.

To all the parents out there who loved and raised children who were not theirs biologically you deserve to be commended. It's often a thankless job and I know how hard it can be so Thank You for being there for a child when you didn't have to be.

If people don't like children so now they don't want contact with their grandchildren. Why did you have children in the first place if you don't like them.

For all the people who would purposely sabotage or destroy a parents relationship with their child, please get psychiatric help because you need it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2016, 03:38 PM
 
924 posts, read 747,442 times
Reputation: 871
Maybe this is off-topic, but reading some of the responses here makes me wonder what might have happened if one of my my mom's brother had had children from his first marriage. Not that his second wife is a horrible person, but she is/was really touchy about any mention of my uncle's ex-wife (and I think, former girlfriends), and my cousins didn't know for a long time that their father had been married before.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2016, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,224 posts, read 84,127,726 times
Reputation: 114530
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccc123 View Post
I have also known first families where the kids were wearing rags, getting free lunch etc. And the kids from the second family were living very well going on vacations, designer clothes etc. it's sickening how someone can do that.

As for the second case I don't know how you could ever feel the same way about your parents again if you found out something like that.
I know a woman who grew up like that. Father left her mother with five kids for a younger model and moved his money into her name to avoid child support and the IRS bill they owed. Her mother took two jobs. One day she was about 12 and she and her siblings were cooking rice because it was the only thing they had and they were so hungry that they couldn't wait for it to finish cooking and were eating it still hard.

Daddy showed up with a new Cadillac and asked if anyone wanted to go for a ride. She took a butter knife out of the drawer and tried to stab him with it. Of course it didn't do anything. Only her brother speaks to him now. Years later at her brother's wedding, she saw her father. He was checking her out until she said, uhhh Dad, it's ME. Didn't realize he was ogling his own daughter. Immediately he brought up what a bitsch she was for trying to stab him years ago. Sweet guy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2016, 03:43 PM
 
1,644 posts, read 1,655,750 times
Reputation: 6237
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eva Braun View Post
Maybe this is off-topic, but reading some of the responses here makes me wonder what might have happened if one of my my mom's brother had had children from his first marriage. Not that his second wife is a horrible person, but she is/was really touchy about any mention of my uncle's ex-wife (and I think, former girlfriends), and my cousins didn't know for a long time that their father had been married before.
Probably for the best that their was no children from the first marriage, you can't erase history so their is really no point letting it bother you. I know sometimes it's easier said than done. But it's never the kids fault.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2016, 03:48 PM
 
1,644 posts, read 1,655,750 times
Reputation: 6237
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I know a woman who grew up like that. Father left her mother with five kids for a younger model and moved his money into her name to avoid child support and the IRS bill they owed. Her mother took two jobs. One day she was about 12 and she and her siblings were cooking rice because it was the only thing they had and they were so hungry that they couldn't wait for it to finish cooking and were eating it still hard.

Daddy showed up with a new Cadillac and asked if anyone wanted to go for a ride. She took a butter knife out of the drawer and tried to stab him with it. Of course it didn't do anything. Only her brother speaks to him now. Years later at her brother's wedding, she saw her father. He was checking her out until she said, uhhh Dad, it's ME. Didn't realize he was ogling his own daughter. Immediately he brought up what a bitsch she was for trying to stab him years ago. Sweet guy.
I hope Karma bites him in the A$$.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2016, 06:40 PM
 
4,862 posts, read 7,938,934 times
Reputation: 5763
Here's the answer. A person who marries someone with kids and wants no part of kids is only looking out for themself. Not the person they married or the kids only themself. Myself I never wanted kids and I tell and told women that just as I've never wanted to be married. Use me until you used me up.. I've always known I was like this. But I love kids. I get along great with kids... just never wanted any.

So anyone who marries another and they know where they stand then they are getting married for their own personal reasons. Today I kind of lean toward old school Dr. Laura. Don't marry until the last kid is 18. Date, creep or whatever but if the last kid is 18 then that kid is an adult and if they don't like it then they can go off on their own.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2016, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Hollywood and Vine
2,074 posts, read 2,006,439 times
Reputation: 4938
Well it's complicated .

In my case my dad ( Ins Exec ) married mom ( total avant guard artist who studied in Paris) in 1955. She told him WELL AHEAD OF TIME she wanted NO KIDS . This went fine for 7 years and they lived a wonderful life . I am not sure how but he talked her into having me in 1962 and my sister in 1965. Then embarked on a 10 year affair with his secretary ( total Mad Men in real life ). When they fell apart he left the sec and my mom for a younger secretary and married her . Leaving sister and I with an absentee, hostile mother . We never really knew him and have had an horrendous life compared to our half sisters . It's embarrassing . The ONLY good thing was moms family had enough money that when she left the country when I was 16 we just lived in a big house alone and went to school and all bills paid for. We both left home at 17 . He passed in 02 she passed last August . Now you can see that my sister and I look good but very worn out . My half sisters look much, much better cared for. My sister and I have the consolation that we can make it anywhere, anyway, anyhow and our half sisters cannot .

Now for me I married a man who had 2 kids and I had 6. We hoped for a blended family . He is Dutch , I am American. My kids adore him and he legally adopted my youngest . The two in Holland ( same age as my middle ones 25 and 28) hate my guts because I exist on earth and took their 5 years divorced dad away . OMG I have tried to be their friend .. their parents did not communicate at all so they don't have really good communication skills to talk stuff out with. So 12 years ago I started out with great intentions but after being made fun of , the butt of mean practical jokes , one year I was even injured on accident ( I think ) when one of their pranks went wrong. It was then I began to pull away . Their mom talks about me but I do not know her at all and she refuses to speak English to me other than demanding I force my husband to talk to her ( I said no , he has to decide that on his own ) but yeah at this point I have checked out for my own sanity . I am available without judgement if they want to have a redo and they know this, but I am not wasting my life over it . We have lived in both countries and since living here have offered a million times for them to live or spend extended time here .. but no . When I lived there some of my kids did too and all visited .

Last edited by DutchessCottonPuff; 01-29-2016 at 10:26 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top