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I'm afraid that you will regret it if you get in touch with the biofather. Life is good now. You love this boy. I suggest you and your wife speak with an attorney about getting biofather's rights terminated, and adopt the boy.
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Originally Posted by WeHa
Let it go. Why after 6 years are you suddenly so interested in child support?
Most importantly it is NOT your place to contact the other woman he has a child with him. That could be like hitting a bee hive. Who knows that bio dad would do if you intruded into his life like that.
Like someone else already said, child support and custody are separate issues (at least in my state they are.) Paying child support does not guarantee that a biological parent has the right to see the child. Having said that, this guy might be a deadbeat now but at anytime he may have a change of heart and decide that he wants to get into your son's life (unlikely but he could.)
I would see a lawyer and be more proactive about the situation. Your raising him as your son but you have zero rights to him. Where would he go if his mother passed away? Maybe you should think about adopting him.
Last edited by melovescookies; 01-31-2016 at 09:10 AM..
As one who is in the boy's shoes, let me say that the day may come when he figures out the truth, whether he is told or not. I did. My mother and step-father never told me anything.
At age 74, I regret that I do not even know the name of the "sperm donor" (I have a name, but don't know if it is the right one or not). I regret knowing that I have half brothers and sisters somewhere, but I will never meet them. I regret that a large portion of my ancestry is hidden from me, and will probably stay hidden forever. I regret that I can not tell my children about hereditary issues they may face.
IMO, having been there, the boy has an absolute RIGHT to know the truth about his ancestry!
DNA testing will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt who the father is. I strongly recommend it!
Oh, and one other note: DO NOT wait until the kid is 17 years old and wants to join the military before making his name official by adopting him! Also, make sure that the kid you adopt is shown on the documents by the name on his birth certificate!
Again, voice of experience!
One more vote for consulting a family law attorney. Do it yesterday. You are sitting on a potential minefield of problems for everyone involved, especially the child.
You may also need the assistance of other family professionals. The attorney should be able to provide guidance. Be sure to vet the attorney before contacting her, and I do mean her.
Forget contacting anybody, except an attorney. In today's society, everybody is out for money! You won't get much if any money from your boy's biological father. Not enough to pay the attorney. This is what you should do:
*Adopt the boy, if your wife agrees. This gives you some legal rights.
*Don't contact the father, IMO. Your wife could, but why bother?
*Are you ready to tell this boy that you're not his dad? As in, right now?
*DNA testing will be required, including of your boy. Blood tests are scary to a 6-year-old.
*None of you have any right to contact his half-sister's mother. Don't go there.
...and last but not least: Think twice before you get the state and the courts involved in your life.
Like someone else already said, child support and custody are separate issues (at least in my state they are.) Paying child support does not guarantee that a biological parent has the right to see the child. Having said that, this guy might be a deadbeat now but at anytime he may have a change of heart and decide that he wants to get into your son's life (unlikely but he could.)
I would see a lawyer and be more proactive about the situation. You're raising him as your son but you have zero rights to him. Where would he go if his mother passed away? Maybe you should think about adopting him.
Imagine if your wife/GF was suddenly killed in a car crash. Not only would you have that grief but you and her son would probably have the grief of being separated forever. I believe, that in most states, the courts would try to find the biological father and the child with automatically "belong" to him. You would have no rights, you couldn't raise him, heck, I wouldn't even be surprised if the bio dad would refuse to let you even see him again. And, who knows who would end up actually raising the boy, a random "baby mama" of the bio-dad? His parents? A sibling? ???
Frankly, I am surprised that your wife/GF has not visited an attorney already to get more information on the best things to do.
The bio-father already has custody rights simply because he is the bio-father. Has nothing to do with whether or not he pays child support. They are two different things. However, if you try to get child support from him he is very likely to get back at you by hitting you where it hurts - by enforcing his custody rights.
Why are you trying to punish him for having other out-of-wedlock kids by making him pay child support. This is none of your business.
I suggest that instead of trying to punish him, you approach him and offer either 1) start paying child support, or 2) sign off his parental rights and allow you to adopt the boy. He'll most likely go for option two. This is the option that is in the best interests of the boy. That and marrying his mother.
When I say "you" I mean your wife. You have no rights in this at all.
I'm afraid that you will regret it if you get in touch with the biofather. Life is good now. You love this boy. I suggest you and your wife speak with an attorney about getting biofather's rights terminated, and adopt the boy.
Good advice. You are his father in every way. The sperm doner has no interest in being a dad. Don't set your son up to be hurt. Like the poster I quoted get a attorney and adopt the child to protect him.
I don't have a sense that you need child support as much as you would like to use the child support laws to "punish" this man for making babies and running away from them.
So, what do you want most? Child support? Or the freedom you have now not to have to coordinate you and your child's life with a man who is at best irresponsible, and and worst, a very negative influence on your child?
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