Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
HELLO EVERYONE, IM A GRANDMOTHER OF A 13 YEAR OLD WHO LIVES WITH ME, I HELP RAISED HER AND SINCE SHE HAS BEEN WITH ME SHE DOESNT LISTEN TO ANYTHING I TELL HER OR EVEN ASK HER. IM A VERY RELIGIOUS GRANDMOTHER AND STRONGLY BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE ALSO THE WORDS AND SCRIPTURE A CHILD MUST HONOR THEIR MOTHER AND FATHER AND THOSE WH HAVE AUTHORITY OVER THEM, WELL SHE IS VERY DIRRESPECTFUL ,Very rude uncaring 13 years old, she has started calling me names like old woman, SHETELLS ME THIS IS HER HOUSE I CANT TELL HER WHAT TO DO, SHE SLAMS DOORS,LOCK DOORS DO NOT DO ANY CHORUS AND DISPLAYS SCHOOL VERY POORLY LIKE SHE DOES NOT CARE,I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPEN AND I DO NOT UNDERSATAND.
Kids acquire discipline from their parents' efforts when they are very young. If your grand-daughter is 13 and has not ever had a stable, firm, but loving and caring family life that taught her discipline before, she is not automatically going to have it now. It has to be taught. The problem is that when you are strict with a 4 year old, and the 4 year old rebels, and he throws a little tantrum and has a timeout in his room. When you are strict with a 13 year old, and the 13 year old rebels, she sneaks out of the house, does drugs, has unsafe sex, and threatens to commit suicide. So if you try to teach her discipline like you would a 4 year old, some very bad things will likely happen.
If I were you, I would try reaching out to specialists. The pediatrician, developmental psychologist, parenting classes. You do need to try and reach her, but you need to do it very very carefully. I know you are very religious, but no matter what do NOT throw the bible at her right now, because she will rebel and throw it right back at you. You need to love and guide her first, and then let her find God on her own after this crisis has passed.
When I was younger I knew someone in a similar situation. The caregiver decided to take a very strict approach with heavy emphasis on the bible. The teen killed the caregiver. And is still in jail to this day. Don't do that.
IM A GRANDMOTHER OF A 13 YEAR OLD WHO LIVES WITH ME, I HELP RAISED HER AND SINCE SHE HAS BEEN WITH ME SHE DOESNT LISTEN TO ANYTHING I TELL HER OR EVEN ASK HER.
The last thing you need to be doing is spouting Bible verses and religion at her at this stage of her life. If her parents aren't in the picture and haven't been for awhile she is feeling very abandoned. She needs professional counseling and help. the longer you wait the worse it will get and don't go to a Biblically based counselor. She will just reject ALL of it because she doesn't want to hear the same stuff she is getting at home.
She was never taught to respect authority, that's what happened. Where are her parents? 13 years old is a little late in the game to be starting with discipline. Do not recite bible verses to her. She should respect you because you provide a roof over her head and food on her table, not because the bible says so.
Talk to the guidance counselor at her school about resources available to you. And drop this bible stuff. 13 is not an age where you're going to be able to bring her into line with a book she probably views as boring and confusing. If you want her to follow you in your faith, you will make that more likely by being a model for her to emulate instead of shoving whta she's supposed to do down her throat.
She is a 13-year-old who is apparently with her grandmother and not her parents - that's gonna cause issues. The guidance counselor at her school will have some ideas.
And most 13-year-olds are disrespectful even in the best of environments. The best thing you can do is not take it personally and set firm limits. When she is disrespectful, you take her phone or her ipod or her computer or her video games - whatever items/privileges she loves - until she earns it back. Don't escalate the drama. Just tell her calmly that she's lost whatever item/privilege and then stick by it. Praise her when she does something good, no matter how small.
HELLO EVERYONE, IM A GRANDMOTHER OF A 13 YEAR OLD WHO LIVES WITH ME, I HELP RAISED HER AND SINCE SHE HAS BEEN WITH ME SHE DOESNT LISTEN TO ANYTHING I TELL HER OR EVEN ASK HER. IM A VERY RELIGIOUS GRANDMOTHER AND STRONGLY BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE ALSO THE WORDS AND SCRIPTURE A CHILD MUST HONOR THEIR MOTHER AND FATHER AND THOSE WH HAVE AUTHORITY OVER THEM, WELL SHE IS VERY DIRRESPECTFUL ,Very rude uncaring 13 years old, she has started calling me names like old woman, SHETELLS ME THIS IS HER HOUSE I CANT TELL HER WHAT TO DO, SHE SLAMS DOORS,LOCK DOORS DO NOT DO ANY CHORUS AND DISPLAYS SCHOOL VERY POORLY LIKE SHE DOES NOT CARE,I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPEN AND I DO NOT UNDERSATAND.
Only thing that happened is HORMONES...if she hasn't started her periods yet, it's right around the corner. Those hormones, ebb and flow monthly for girls, but yes! boys have other issues when they get testosterone about the same age. The hormones begin to be secreted in teeny increments a year or more before they show the signs you write about. The amount of testosterone a male gets from child to man is one quarter of a teaspoonful (I read that somewhere), so they ARE they powerful and not controlled by the child, whatsoever.
She is also the age for middle school and once they get into that time of their schooling you are definitely in for a 'ride'. They watch every move and behavior of other kids in each class. I hope you have help of some kind...aside from Bible verses...to assist you in getting her through a wild and crazy time in YOUR LIVES!
I HAVE lived through what you describe and I had to 'commando parent' for several of those years. As a general 'rule' for them is: if their mouths are moving, they are lying. Mine (a son) also sold or pawned every expensive electronic item I bought him for his birthday, Christmas, etc (I didn't find that out for a few years during his teens). I had to remove his door off his bedroom, for over a year, too. He HATED me and verbalized that and much worse on so many occasions...esp when I showed up at which ever friend's home at 2am to see physically if he was there (they lie about everything and everyone during those years). The police brought him AND 3 of his friends home, drunk as skunks, on his 15th birthday (an ADULT friend in the n'hood bought them a gallon of alcohol) at 3am...found in a ditch full of leaves in 27 degree weather. I loaded all 4 of them in my truck and took each one to their home, so their parents would know the truth of what happened AND so the parents would also know an adult in our n'hood was purchasing liquor for our underage kids! I could and might write a book on the subject of raising teenagers, and I did it as a single parent, and my son's dad (my EX) only lived 5 miles away. He did come an get him on a rare occasion when I would call him to say he better come get him or one of us might be dead/injured...but otherwise I did it alone with NO violence, but vigilance and what I call 'commando parenting'.
It's now 10 years later. Son is well-adjusted, in college getting his Masters in Business, works 2 PT jobs, and is currently living in 'the f*c*ing *******' home (he calls me Mom again) because I don't want him paying on school loans that include dormitory fees after he graduates. \It was a time period I NEVER want to have to repeat, but IF I had to (say with a grand-child) I would do it exactly the same again.
Find your daughter's 'currency' and remove it 100% when she 'acts a fool' or is disrespectful or not following your house rules. YOUR follow-through is of utmost importance at all times now, as once they see that what you say, you do not mean or won't DO...you're in way too deep. It's a hard job, parenting a teen. No Bible verses will do it for you. Seek help if you are not up to the task. IF you lose these kids as teenagers, it is difficult to get them back. If you do your job well, they ALL come back around... but most not until their later 20s or early 30s. I am grateful mine finally 'got it' when he went off to the dorms at the University...and realized he was more prepared to live life on his own, than 99.9% of the other kids he lived there with (and WHO taught him those skills??). I wish you the best throughout this trying time!
Only thing that happened is HORMONES...if she hasn't started her periods yet, it's right around the corner. Those hormones, ebb and flow monthly for girls, but yes! boys have other issues when they get testosterone about the same age. The hormones begin to be secreted in teeny increments a year or more before they show the signs you write about. The amount of testosterone a male gets from child to man is one quarter of a teaspoonful (I read that somewhere), so they ARE they powerful and not controlled by the child, whatsoever.
She is also the age for middle school and once they get into that time of their schooling you are definitely in for a 'ride'. They watch every move and behavior of other kids in each class. I hope you have help of some kind...aside from Bible verses...to assist you in getting her through a wild and crazy time in YOUR LIVES!
I HAVE lived through what you describe and I had to 'commando parent' for several of those years. As a general 'rule' for them is: if their mouths are moving, they are lying. Mine (a son) also sold or pawned every expensive electronic item I bought him for his birthday, Christmas, etc (I didn't find that out for a few years during his teens). I had to remove his door off his bedroom, for over a year, too. He HATED me and verbalized that and much worse on so many occasions...esp when I showed up at which ever friend's home at 2am to see physically if he was there (they lie about everything and everyone during those years). The police brought him AND 3 of his friends home, drunk as skunks, on his 15th birthday (an ADULT friend in the n'hood bought them a gallon of alcohol) at 3am...found in a ditch full of leaves in 27 degree weather. I loaded all 4 of them in my truck and took each one to their home, so their parents would know the truth of what happened AND so the parents would also know an adult in our n'hood was purchasing liquor for our underage kids! I could and might write a book on the subject of raising teenagers, and I did it as a single parent, and my son's dad (my EX) only lived 5 miles away. He did come an get him on a rare occasion when I would call him to say he better come get him or one of us might be dead/injured...but otherwise I did it alone with NO violence, but vigilance and what I call 'commando parenting'.
It's now 10 years later. Son is well-adjusted, in college getting his Masters in Business, works 2 PT jobs, and is currently living in 'the f*c*ing *******' home (he calls me Mom again) because I don't want him paying on school loans that include dormitory fees after he graduates. \It was a time period I NEVER want to have to repeat, but IF I had to (say with a grand-child) I would do it exactly the same again.
Find your daughter's 'currency' and remove it 100% when she 'acts a fool' or is disrespectful or not following your house rules. YOUR follow-through is of utmost importance at all times now, as once they see that what you say, you do not mean or won't DO...you're in way too deep. It's a hard job, parenting a teen. No Bible verses will do it for you. Seek help if you are not up to the task. IF you lose these kids as teenagers, it is difficult to get them back. If you do your job well, they ALL come back around... but most not until their later 20s or early 30s. I am grateful mine finally 'got it' when he went off to the dorms at the University...and realized he was more prepared to live life on his own, than 99.9% of the other kids he lived there with (and WHO taught him those skills??). I wish you the best throughout this trying time!
Very good advice here. My parents were wonderful, raised me very well, and I still lied about absolutely everything at that age. If my mouth was moving, I was lying, absolutely. From about ages 13 to 16. And I was a pretty good kid too. I'm a successful adult now, so yeah, the lying is normal and standard.
Its hard to respect someone that types in all caps and doesn't use periods.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
