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Old 02-02-2016, 08:48 PM
 
670 posts, read 345,918 times
Reputation: 1479

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OP, you've probably come across this article but I'll post it just in case you haven't read it to give you more food for thought. Be sure to read the many comments on the article for a variety of parental input. I have young teens, and love them dearly and enjoy raising them. I found the under five years exhausting and challenging, but felt a deep and protective love for them from the moment they were born.

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/
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Old 02-02-2016, 08:50 PM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,802,318 times
Reputation: 31057
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post
You're not off base. I am selfish with my time -- and I make no bones about it. That's not to say I won't change should my wife and I elect to have kids.

I knew I was going to get some heat on this board, which (correct me if I am wrong) leans pro-parenting. But that's precisely what I want. Childfree boards will simply goad me to use my reservations about having kids to inform my final decision. I want to get the other side's take, too.
This is a parenting forum, full of parents. It isn't "pro-parenting," but you aren't likely to find people who are "anti-parenting" in a parenting forum.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:29 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,309 posts, read 37,896,251 times
Reputation: 74107
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post
You're not off base. I am selfish with my time -- and I make no bones about it. That's not to say I won't change should my wife and I elect to have kids.
Based on your posts, this isn't just a habit but a personality trait, not likely to be changed.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:41 PM
 
189 posts, read 124,277 times
Reputation: 511
You shouldn't be taking care of someone else if you are not taking care of yourself first. I think these people who are losing all their time to kids are over-involved parents quite possibly raising kids who can't think for themselves. A kid needs food, shelter, and transportation (in most places in America at least), so besides cooking bigger meals and possibly taxi-ing your kid around, your free time can still be spent in private - let the kid play by themselves or with siblings or friends. Once you have recharged your batteries you can go tell them you love them and educate them about the world. You don't need to be their play mate, you're the boss, and some of the best bosses are introverts.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:58 PM
 
11,573 posts, read 5,543,963 times
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My husband and I are both introverts. We have a now-grown daughter.

There are actually some advantages to being an introvert and a parent:

1) I never was the type who needed to go out much and socialize---never minded being a homebody. So, when our daughter was a baby, it was fine with me to stay home with her. When I wanted adult company, I took mommy and me classes through the local adult ed program. Those classes put me in touch with other parents as it was good to compare notes.

That said, the worst experience I had in one of those classes was an instructor who asked us all what babysitting arrangements we made when we wanted to go out. I told her that we don't go out so no need for sitters. If we were visiting my parents, they would watch our daughter while we got out for a few hours. As introverts, that was fine with us. The instructor just about berated me because it didn't fit her view plus she kept interrogating me. After the class was over, I called Adult Ed and made a complaint. Maybe extroverts just don't get it? For us, it was fine.

Everybody is different. My maternal instincts proved to be very strong so being with my daughter everyday on a daily basis was never a problem.

Besides, I knew that she wouldn't be little forever. Those years of child rearing go fast!

2) It forced me to get out of my comfort zone as I was never an assertive person. Yet, I knew that I had to model that for my daughter. When I had to call a company because I had a problem with one of their products, I knew that I would have to speak up and assert myself. My daughter would be watching and listening very carefully. Now that she's an adult, she knows how to be assertive and speak up. In fact, she is a manager which involves confronting poor performing employees, even firing them when necessary.

I still had my quiet time which was when she slept at night. During the day, not so much as she took very short naps. In fact, in that situation, I came to really appreciate, rather than take for granted, quiet "me" time.

OP---You need not over analyze this situation. If you have a child and want quiet time, you will make time for it. Or if you don't want a child, admit it to yourself and to your wife.
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Old 02-02-2016, 11:25 PM
 
5,774 posts, read 3,064,391 times
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Being an introvert has nothing to do with it. It really about whether you want kids or not. I'm about as introverted as can be, but now have one in college and one in high school. Coached softball, soccer, baseball. Am a Scout leader. Spent days on the pitch, nights sleeping on the ground, and uncounted hours in the bleachers. Cringed more times than I can count as they grew from crying over little booboos to proudly displaying the green and yellow cleat marks like a badge of honor from last night's match. Spent hours in emergency rooms over broken bones. Agonized over homework and rejoiced over college acceptance. Felt sadness as they loaded up the car and excitement as they began the life all those hours and bruises and late night homework had prepared them for.


Out of all that, being an introvert was never a part of it.
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Old 02-03-2016, 06:12 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
1,539 posts, read 1,601,713 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tnff View Post
Being an introvert has nothing to do with it. It really about whether you want kids or not. I'm about as introverted as can be, but now have one in college and one in high school. Coached softball, soccer, baseball. Am a Scout leader. Spent days on the pitch, nights sleeping on the ground, and uncounted hours in the bleachers. Cringed more times than I can count as they grew from crying over little booboos to proudly displaying the green and yellow cleat marks like a badge of honor from last night's match. Spent hours in emergency rooms over broken bones. Agonized over homework and rejoiced over college acceptance. Felt sadness as they loaded up the car and excitement as they began the life all those hours and bruises and late night homework had prepared them for.


Out of all that, being an introvert was never a part of it.

Great post, I agree. OP, I'm only a few years older than you so I understand your generation. I imagine your wife might be more ready for kids than you are; again, common. You don't sound like you're all in right now to having kids. Right now, not never... The majority of the parents in my area didn't start having kids until their mid to late 30's so you're not missing the boat by waiting. Give it a few more years and reevaluate.
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Old 02-03-2016, 08:05 AM
 
7,112 posts, read 3,807,224 times
Reputation: 10586
I'd guess that M's may not be anxious to become parents because a) they never seem to fully grow up, mature, and take on adult responsibilities today (because their parents over-parent them), and b) it looks like an awful lot of time, money, energy, and work; essentially a full-time job (because their parents over-parent them). At one time, kids were more or less left to entertain themselves, did their own homework, even helped around the house. At 18, they went to work or college, generally working their way through. Upon marrying, they held jobs, raised their own children, and paid their own mortgages. In other words, you could be a parent and still have your own life. Not so much these days.
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Old 02-03-2016, 09:24 AM
 
Location: USA
859 posts, read 929,583 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
I'd guess that M's may not be anxious to become parents because a) they never seem to fully grow up, mature, and take on adult responsibilities today (because their parents over-parent them), and b) it looks like an awful lot of time, money, energy, and work; essentially a full-time job (because their parents over-parent them). At one time, kids were more or less left to entertain themselves, did their own homework, even helped around the house. At 18, they went to work or college, generally working their way through. Upon marrying, they held jobs, raised their own children, and paid their own mortgages. In other words, you could be a parent and still have your own life. Not so much these days.
Please don't jump to conclusions. I'm married, own a condo, and pay all my bills. Not having kids doesn't make me any less of an adult than people out there who do have them. And who's to say that those who have kids are responsible adults? They might still be mooching off their parents or living carelessly in other ways.
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Old 02-03-2016, 09:44 AM
 
7,112 posts, read 3,807,224 times
Reputation: 10586
That's not what I'm saying at all...
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