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Old 02-03-2016, 06:18 PM
8,133 posts, read 5,702,064 times
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Please reproduce. God knows there are too many extroverts as it is.
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Old 02-03-2016, 07:15 PM
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I could have written the OP early in my pregnancy. I had the exact same concerns. I am a very introverted, bookish, cerebral nerd - don't own a TV, massive library, dreams of becoming a librarian, etc.

I have a four-month-old now. During the pregnancy I always pictured my future with a crazy loud obnoxious kid and felt pretty down about it. So far that hasn't been the case at all. I am still a fulltime student in addition to fulltime work, and I live as quietly as I did before, and I read nearly as much. Part of that is genetic - I have a child who is like me. He sleeps a lot and spends much of his awake time quietly entertaining himself. Part of it is the fact that your child will take his/her cues from you - I move slowly, speak quietly, emphasize independent work and focus, and my son feeds off of that. He is also very calm.

All in all, I want to reassure you because I would have wanted to know that things could be like this. I hear horror stories of "You'll never sleep again", "I lost my identity", "It was like a hurricane ripped through our lives" etc. Not for me. No postpartum depression like I worried. He slept like a champ from the very beginning and I fell back into a normal routine pretty quickly. I like schedules and routines and lists and rules and he's just fallen into it as well. I do nearly all of the same things I did before, just maybe a little bit less and with a little more difficulty.

I suppose I might have been pretty lucky with the kid I got, but it's worth throwing it out there - my experiences have been 5/5 stars, would recommend.

Edit after reading more posts in this thread: I was DEAD-SET on my baby being a girl. I may have shed a few tears in the ultrasound room when I saw that teensy-tiny penis.... I don't really like people all that much, I really really don't like touching people or people touching me, not even babies. I just have to say that it is so different when it is your own. My son is so perfect I can't even express it. I want to kiss him all over those chubby dimpled cheeks and fat little chins and tummy rolls forever and ever! I would never have imagined I would feel this way when I was imagining some random baby in the abstract.

Last edited by Mcortona; 02-03-2016 at 07:29 PM..
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Old 02-03-2016, 07:36 PM
223 posts, read 192,627 times
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If you need to think this deeply about it, then it means you think it should happen, but you really don't want it to.Having a child is the one of the few mistakes you can't "undo".

From an introvert whose best decision in her life was not to have kids.
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Old 02-03-2016, 07:52 PM
67 posts, read 91,919 times
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If you're on the fence then you shouldn't have kids. Doesn't matter if you're an introvert or not. If you have to think this much then it should be obvious. Having kids is NOT something you should have to talk yourself into. PLease don't have them, don't want to read about another baby that dies at the hands of his parent.
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Old 02-04-2016, 01:18 AM
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I'm also bookish although I also enjoy people and having a good time. To someone like me, kids become interesting when they can talk and more interesting in the teen years. I am very glad I had kids although they are perhaps closer to my wife than they are to me. You will probably be a very good father.
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Old 02-04-2016, 05:47 AM
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Originally Posted by Mcortona View Post

I suppose I might have been pretty lucky with the kid I got, ...
Yep. VERY lucky.
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:31 AM
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My husband and I are both introverts - he's a little more introverted than I am. We have four children, now ages 17 down to 10, and three of them are introverts. The youngest is an extrovert and has been good for all of us, as he shakes things up once in a while. My friends are amazed at how quiet a house with 4 kids can be - it sometimes sounds like a library in here. But there are moments of course, and when they are babies and toddlers that can be challenging. I used to institute "quiet time" at the end of the day where everyone had to disperse and do quiet activities before bedtime in their own space - it helped them (and us!) wind down.

Since we are both introverts, we kind of took turns on those days that seemed really time intensive when they were little. My husband used to travel for work, and I spent a lot of nights not getting a lot of sleep - not because the kids were up, but because I needed my alone time for reading or whatever. So that can be a challenge. I'm still not great with the social stuff for school - I used to volunteer in the classrooms to help the kids, could not stand being a PTO mom - and thankfully, mine are all at the age they are grateful that I butted out of that stuff for the most part. Both my husband and I are in grad school now, and I think that's helped in a lot of ways too, giving us ways outlets for our introspection.

Kids were always part of our plan, though. And really, it's difficult for extroverts too - all potential parents have moments where you have to decide if you are ready to give up your "own" life for the life of a parent. Most parents will tell you that rather than giving up your "own" life, your life just changes.

Where are these parents that say parenting is boring? Because I would disagree with that one.
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:36 AM
7,090 posts, read 3,786,110 times
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On the upside, though... Many introverts are more comfortable with close family members than they are with outsiders, so making friends can be a problem. This way, you'll always have other people with whom to celebrate holidays, take trips, etc. At least until they're old enough to rebel against you, but then - presumably - you'd still have your wife who will be grateful that you gave her the children she always wanted. A large family can be its own self-contained social support system. Of course, that would be one of the many selfish reasons to have kids...

Honestly, I don't know why everyone seems to think they -- and everyone else -- has to get married and have kids. The human race isn't in danger of dying out anytime soon. They are entirely optional.

Last edited by otterhere; 02-04-2016 at 10:57 AM..
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:43 AM
Location: Prosper
6,268 posts, read 12,114,361 times
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I would suggest not having kids.

I'm not an introvert, but some of the things you said describe me very well.

The bottom line is that being a parent WILL strip you of your identity. Or perhaps, a better way of saying this is that your identity will undoubtedly change when you have kids.

If you are used to "quiet time" at home... that will change to endless hours of listening to Peppa Pig or the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Your house will be chaotic. You may have nice, expensive things. A house that looks like it was designed by an interior decorator, and could be featured in a magazine.

After kids, your house will have toys strewn all over. Their bedroom, of course. Downstairs too, because it's not convenient to have to keep going up and down the stairs to grab toys for your child to play with so they don't get bored while they are downstairs. One of your rooms, for you it's probably your study/office, will be converted to a playroom. That is where most of the toys are stored, but not all of them, because you/your wife can't get anything done and watch the kid when they are in the playroom and you have things to do in the kitchen/around the house.

If you already think you're going to reminisce about what life was like before kids before you even have any... You aren't ready for kids.

Kids are a huge strain on a marriage too. There will be arguments about how what you think the proper way to raise a child is vs your wife. There will be fights about who does what around the house regarding the baby. There will be a lot more stress for both of you. You will worry more. About finances, your child's health and development... a million things you don't even think of right now.

Knowing all this now, there are times where most parents miss their child free days.


Whenever I see my child smile or hear her laugh, or run up to hug and kiss me, I know it has been all worth it.

One of the best expressions of having a child I ever heard was that having kids was like having your heart live outside your body. I know it sounds cheesy. I thought it was cheesy. Then I became a dad and suddenly I became aware of how right they were.
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:55 AM
529 posts, read 389,910 times
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I wish others would put as much thought into the decision to have children as you are. "Oh, you'll love it once you see it" doesn't work for everyone. It is perfectly legitimate to NOT want children and to not have them. "Who will take care of you when you're old?" people will say. Well, that is a really lousy reason to have children. By the time you are old, your kids will have their own kids and marriages and problems and the fantasy that they will be by your sickbed mopping your feverish brow is just that -- a fantasy. Ultimately, we're all on our own.

Your question is not "Should I have children because I am an introvert", it is "Do I want children?" Focus on that question and never mind the other stuff. And whatever your answer to that question turns out to be is the right one.

It is better to not have children and wish you had than to have them and wish you hadn't.
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