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Old 02-05-2016, 04:32 AM
 
6,308 posts, read 4,779,491 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MckinneyOwnr View Post
I would suggest not having kids.

I'm not an introvert, but some of the things you said describe me very well.

The bottom line is that being a parent WILL strip you of your identity. Or perhaps, a better way of saying this is that your identity will undoubtedly change when you have kids.

If you are used to "quiet time" at home... that will change to endless hours of listening to Peppa Pig or the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Your house will be chaotic. You may have nice, expensive things. A house that looks like it was designed by an interior decorator, and could be featured in a magazine.

After kids, your house will have toys strewn all over.
Do people these days really have kids *after* they've made their fortune, bought nice things, settled into a middle-aged, upper-middle-class existence? That would be a tough adjustment. I had kids when I was a 25-year-old boy-man; my car only ran on Tuesdays; my couch looked like it had been used by 11 different people before it got to me. I was still a graduate student.

Quote:
Kids are a huge strain on a marriage too.
No kidding! But it gets better... for some lucky fraction of us.

Quote:
One of the best expressions of having a child I ever heard was that having kids was like having your heart live outside your body. I know it sounds cheesy. I thought it was cheesy. Then I became a dad and suddenly I became aware of how right they were.
That too. Remind me one more time, why shouldn't the OP have kids?
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Old 02-05-2016, 08:04 AM
 
Location: here
24,476 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Siegel View Post
Do people these days really have kids *after* they've made their fortune, bought nice things, settled into a middle-aged, upper-middle-class existence? That would be a tough adjustment. I had kids when I was a 25-year-old boy-man; my car only ran on Tuesdays; my couch looked like it had been used by 11 different people before it got to me. I was still a graduate student.



No kidding! But it gets better... for some lucky fraction of us.



That too. Remind me one more time, why shouldn't the OP have kids?
Because he obviously doesn't want them .
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Old 02-06-2016, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,025 posts, read 98,908,697 times
Reputation: 31471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Siegel View Post
Do people these days really have kids *after* they've made their fortune, bought nice things, settled into a middle-aged, upper-middle-class existence? That would be a tough adjustment. I had kids when I was a 25-year-old boy-man; my car only ran on Tuesdays; my couch looked like it had been used by 11 different people before it got to me. I was still a graduate student.



No kidding! But it gets better... for some lucky fraction of us.



That too. Remind me one more time, why shouldn't the OP have kids?
We had our kids when we were older, because we were older when we got married and had fertility problems. Still, we were only married 3 1/2 years when the first one was born; it feels like we've always had kids. My brother had his kids young, and his wife was even younger. I have always maintained the best time to have kids is when you have them. I know people who say they couldn't have had their kids when they were in their 20s, they didn't have the patience, the money, etc. I know those who say they wouldn't want to have them in their 30s because they wouldn't have any patience left. It really doesn't matter. You have them when you have them, and it works out, if you want them, which the OP seems not to.
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Old 02-07-2016, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,749 posts, read 2,003,359 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Siegel View Post
Do people these days really have kids *after* they've made their fortune, bought nice things, settled into a middle-aged, upper-middle-class existence? That would be a tough adjustment. I had kids when I was a 25-year-old boy-man; my car only ran on Tuesdays; my couch looked like it had been used by 11 different people before it got to me. I was still a graduate student.



No kidding! But it gets better... for some lucky fraction of us.



That too. Remind me one more time, why shouldn't the OP have kids?
Yes, if I do decide to want kids one day, I'd have them AFTER I've made my fortune, and lived my life a little (travel, see new people/things, date around more, etc.).

Everyone's different, but I can't imagine having kids when the ideal circumstances don't call for it.
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Old 02-08-2016, 01:39 PM
 
7,100 posts, read 3,798,017 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl View Post
Sounds to me like you are not willing to give up your "me time" for anyone (and pity your child if you were to end up with a son since you say you would prefer a daughter).

Stick to your guns - don't have kids. Any selfishness you are exhibiting today (see: your post) will only be exacerbated by a child who wants the love and affection you can apparently only give yourself at the moment.

For the record, my sister is an introvert, and has a spouse who understand that occasionally she needs to be left alone to decompress from the chaos of having two extroverted kids. But she also knows that her kids NEED her and that the time for selfishness ended the moment she gave birth. And so she figures out ways to get a few hours a week of pure quiet. It might be when her husband takes the kids to the park for a playdate, or going to get a facial and massage, or taking a long bath with a good book after the kids go to bed, or simply getting up an hour earlier than the rest of her family when the house is completely still.

But from your post, I suggest you not have kids any time soon.

And parenthood? It's never boring.
Please, with the "selfishness" thing... Give it a rest... There's nothing more "selfish" than popping out a bunch of babies you can't support or procreating to satisfy your own fulfilled dreams in life or... I could go on and on!
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Old 02-08-2016, 01:46 PM
 
7,100 posts, read 3,798,017 times
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Getting back to the original post... Is your wife leaving this decision up to you or what? Because, if she wants kids, most likely you're going to end up with kids. And, like all human beings, you'll adjust to whatever circumstance in which you find yourself eventually.
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Old 02-08-2016, 01:59 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,509,210 times
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The original post sounds selfish, not introverted. I am an introvert and I have loved having kids. I have had to adjust things. I require quite time for myself. I have opted out of events and outings because I just couldn't deal with the crowd. I have also had to push myself to do things I didn't want to do. I find a balance. But being a mom has made me a better person. No doubt. A more well rounded person.

But if I was selfishly clinging to every "me" second I could get, and every moment of quiet, and refusing to want to expand beyond that...I guess I wouldn't like parenting too much. Again, that isn't being an introvert, thats being selfish. And its fine to be selfish if you are an adult. Just don't have kids and resent them for needing you to expand yourself.

As for children's birthday parties. My husband (more of an introvert then me) has never taken the kids to one. Always my job.
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:09 PM
 
Location: here
24,476 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
The original post sounds selfish, not introverted. I am an introvert and I have loved having kids. I have had to adjust things. I require quite time for myself. I have opted out of events and outings because I just couldn't deal with the crowd. I have also had to push myself to do things I didn't want to do. I find a balance. But being a mom has made me a better person. No doubt. A more well rounded person.

But if I was selfishly clinging to every "me" second I could get, and every moment of quiet, and refusing to want to expand beyond that...I guess I wouldn't like parenting too much. Again, that isn't being an introvert, thats being selfish. And its fine to be selfish if you are an adult. Just don't have kids and resent them for needing you to expand yourself.

As for children's birthday parties. My husband (more of an introvert then me) has never taken the kids to one. Always my job.
Ya... maybe a self-centered introvert? I'm an introvert, too, but how much alone time does a person need?
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:17 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,509,210 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Ya... maybe a self-centered introvert? I'm an introvert, too, but how much alone time does a person need?
Totally. My daughter LOVES cuddles. She asks for them every time she isn't busy with something else. I say no sometimes, and sometimes I say yes. Sometimes I ask her for cuddles.

I think if you are pathologically "introverted" (i.e. bad social anxiety, agoraphobic) you ought to skip having kids. I have known people who had parents who wouldn't go out at all, or let them go out much and socialize. It was really tough on the kids. But just to be introverted...you don't need quiet alone time 24/7. You just learn how to balance your needs with your children's needs and desires.
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Old 02-08-2016, 02:19 PM
 
Location: here
24,476 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Totally. My daughter LOVES cuddles. She asks for them every time she isn't busy with something else. I say no sometimes, and sometimes I say yes. Sometimes I ask her for cuddles.

I think if you are pathologically "introverted" (i.e. bad social anxiety, agoraphobic) you ought to skip having kids. I have known people who had parents who wouldn't go out at all, or let them go out much and socialize. It was really tough on the kids. But just to be introverted...you don't need quiet alone time 24/7. You just learn how to balance your needs with your children's needs and desires.
Exactly. The go to bed early. You get quiet time after that.

Actually, kids can be a great excuse for an introvert to skip a lot of social gatherings.
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